Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 9 Happy Mothers Day! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Woman arrested for stabbing, murdering a Phoenix man ___________________________________________________ Today, May 9 in 1904 The Great Western Railway Number 3440 City of Truro became the first railway locomotive to exceed 100 miles per hour. ____________________________________________________ In this business you either sink or swim or you don't. --- David Smith There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. --- Sam Brown ____________________________________________________ There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously, the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Usually right after it breaks." ____________________________________________________ Do's mother decided that Do should get something 'practical' for the birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Do thought that was a fine idea. "It's your account", mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Do was doing fine until he came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, Do put down 'Piggy'. ____________________________________________________ Judith Farrugia ____________________________________________________ Jason was having a tough day and had stretched himself out on the couch to do a bit of what he thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. He moaned to his wife, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!" His wife, busily occupied with other things, hardly looked up at and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Jason. Can't be everybody. Some people don't know you yet." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephanie Whitney, 58, Phoenix, Arizona, USA Woman arrested for stabbing, murdering a Phoenix man A woman was arrested in connection to the stabbing death of a 64-year-old Phoenix man who died on April 29, says the Phoenix Police Department. Police found Herbert Cox with serious head injuries from being stabbed around 10:30 p.m. near 27th and Northern avenues outside of a QuikTrip gas station. He was taken to the hospital and died soon after. A day later, the department says investigators developed probable cause to arrest Stephanie Whitney, 58, on suspicion of murdering Cox. She is reportedly a homeless woman. Phoenix Police say Whitney is captured on surveillance video outside the gas station attacking Cox by his car. Investigators say a second man is seen on video going through Cox's pockets before a third person drives off with his car. There's no clear connection between Cox and Whitney. So far there is no information on the man, who emptied Cox's pockets and the one, who drove of with his car. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Audrey RE: Email program Dear Webby Outloook has again lost my mail. This is it! What email program do you suggest? I am handicapped with W10. Thanks Audrey Dear Audrey Just use Gmail Gmail is reliable, predictable, and easy to learn. You get 15 GB of space without having to pay a penny. The built in spam filtering is surprisingly good, amd it is easy to add filters to safeguard mail from lovers and friends no matter how spammy it looks. Have FUN! DearWebby A doctor sees an old man merrily walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm and recognizes him as one of his clients whom he had not seen in a few years. Half a year later he sees the old man at the bank in line ahead of him. The doctor says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful..." "Too late!" ---------- When I win the lottery, I will most definitely follow the "cheerful" advice! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A young farm girl answers the door and sees an older neighbor there. Girl: "My father isn't home, but I know what you want and I can help you. You want our bull to service your cow. Well, my father charges one hundred dollars for his best bull." Neighbor: "That's not I want." Girl: "We have a young bull who is just starting out. My father charges fifty dollars for him." Neighbor: "That's not I want." Girl: "We have an old bull out in the pasture. He can still do a job. My father charges only ten dollars for him." Neighbor: "That's not what I want. I came here to see your father about your brother. Your brother Elmer made my daughter pregnant." Girl: "Oh. You'll have to see my father about that because I don't know what he charges for Elmer." ___________________________________________ A Bonehead award should go to would-be bank robber, James Drake, in Vernon Township, New Jersey. Drake headed out late one afternoon to rob his local bank. Before getting out of the car he put on his ski mask and then went to the door and tried opening it by pushing and pulling it. When he realized the door was locked HE STARTED BANGING ON THE DOOR, as if anyone was going to open the doors one minute after closing time, especially for someone wearing a ski mask! Concerned that this might set a precedent and that other people too might expect to be let in after official closing time, employees called the police. Drake was arrested. That'll teach him a lesson. Annoying the pretty ladies at the bank is very boneheaded! ____________________________________________ Jill's husband was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the lady behind the counter stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said the man. "It's my wife Jill, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you make?" asked the bank teller. "Frankly," replied the man with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, May 9 in 1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans. 1502 Christopher Columbus left Spain for his final trip to the Western Hemisphere. 1671 Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from the Tower of London. 1785 Joseph Bramah patented the beer-pump handle. 1825 The Chatham Theatre opened in New York City. It was the first gas-lit theater in America. 1901 In Australia, the Duke of Cornwall and York declared the First Commonwealth Parliament open. 1904 The Great Western Railway Number 3440 City of Truro became the first railway locomotive to exceed 100 miles per hour. 1915 German and French forces fought the Battle of Artois. 1926 Americans Richard Byrd and Floyd Bennett became the first men to fly an airplane over the North Pole. 1936 Fascist Italy took Addis Abba and annexed Ethiopia. 1936 The first sheet of postage stamps of more than one variety went on sale in New York City. 1941 The German submarine U-110 was captured at sea by Britain's Royal navy. 1945 U.S. officials announced that the midnight entertainment curfew was being lifted immediately. 1946 King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy abdicated and was replaced by Umberto. 1955 West Germany joined NATO. 1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time. 1962 A laser beam was successfully bounced off Moon for the first time. 1974 The House Judiciary Committee began formal hearings on the Nixon impeachment. 1978 The bullet-riddled body of former Italian Prime Minister Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in the center of Rome. The Red Brigades had abducted him. 1980 A Liberian freighter hit the Sunshine Skyway Bridge over Tampa Bay in Florida. 35 motorists were killed and a 1,400-foot section of the bridge collapsed. 1994 Nelson Mandela was chosen to be South Africa's first black president. 1996 In video testimony to a courtroom in Little Rock, AR, U.S. President Clinton insisted that he had nothing to do with a $300,000 loan in the criminal case against his former Whitewater partners. 2002 In Bethlehem, West Bank, a deal was reached that would end the 38-day standoff at the Church of the Nativity. Thirteen suspected militants were to be deported to several different countries. The standoff had begun on April 2, 2002. 2002 In Kaspiisk, Russia, 39 people were killed and at least 130 were injurde when a remote-controlled bomb exploded during a holiday parade. 2002 In Bahrain, people were allowed to vote for representatives for the first time in nearly 30 years. Women were allowed to vote for the first time in the country's history. 2021 Do smiled. |
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