Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, May 21 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thanks for all the Birthday Wishes. Here it snowed again. Not much, just a couple of inches and it will probably all melt in a few days. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ $1.5M bond for Florida man accused of trying to kidnap girl from school bus stop ___________________________________________________ Today, May 21 in 1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores. ____________________________________________________ In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right. --- Ellen Goodman (1941 - ) Nothing is more characteristic of a man than the manner in which he behaves toward fools. --- Henri-Frdric Amiel ____________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better! Or else..." ____________________________________________________ 85 year old Bessie bursts into the rec room of the men's retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie looks into her fist, thinks a minute and says, "Close enough!" ____________________________________________________ From Linda ____________________________________________________ Several years ago, the Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday Sally arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. So Sally leaves and a few moments later comes back wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without wearing a blouse or shirt!" "But Father, I have a divine right," she informs. "Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still cannot enter THIS church like that!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jared Stanga, 30, Pensacola, Florida, USA $1.5M bond for Florida man accused of trying to kidnap girl from school bus stop A 30-year-old Pensacola man remained behind bars Wednesday after investigators say he tried to kidnap an 11-year-old girl at her bus stop in the Florida Panhandle. The Escambia County Sheriff's Office said the suspect, Jared Paul Stanga, is charged with attempted kidnapping of a child under 13, aggravated assault, and battery. Sheriff Chip Simmons said Stanga has a lengthy criminal history, including sexual abuse of a child. "This animal is off the street," Simmons said in a press conference late Tuesday night. "We can once again applaud the efforts and resilience of that 11-year-old girl." Security video showed the child sitting in the grass at her bus stop in the Pensacola area around 7 a.m. Tuesday morning, playing with blue slime. As she waited alone for the bus, video showed a white Dodge Journey drive past, then turn around and park feet away. A man could then be seen getting out and running toward the girl, grabbing her and trying to carry her to his car. The 11-year-old was able to fight off the man, who investigators said had a knife. The sheriff said she wiped some of the blue slime she'd been playing with at the time on the suspect's arm as she tried to escape. Deputies eventually tracked the vehicle down to an Escambia County home, finding the SUV freshly painted -- possibly in an attempt to evade capture. When investigators took the suspect into custody Tuesday evening, the sheriff said Stanga still had blue slime on his arm. Two weeks earlier, the victim told her principal that a man in a white vehicle had pulled up to her bus stop and talked to her. It's unclear if Stanga is the same man from that incident. Wednesday, a judge set Stanga's bond at over $1.5 million, with $1 million of that for the attempted kidnapping charge, $500,000 for the aggravated assault charge, along with $5,000 for the battery charge. If released, Stanga will be placed on a monitor and will not be allowed to have unsupervised contact with anyone under 18. His next court appearance is set for June 10. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Megan RE: is Email Tax really coming? Dear Webby I keep getting emails claiming that the guvermint will start an email tax to pay for the national deficit. Is there any truth to that? Megan (NOT Meghan!) Dear Megan The email tax has been around since the early 90s. Tell them that is only partially true and that only spam will be taxed. Have FUN! DearWebby A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the same thing." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ It's comforting to know that real estate agents are required to be more candid about the properties they represent these days. A Newport Beach, California Internet listing of a duplex revealed that the other inhabitant possessed two cats and "a Scottish terrorist." Taken from Steve Harvey's column in the LA Times. ------------------------------------ Well you got to watch those Scots. There is aparently no sound on earth more terrifying than a bunch of Scots coming home from the bar and deciding to practise their bagpipes indoors. ___________________________________________ George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus one afternoon. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman. She looks George up and down and screeches at him: "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" George jumps up out of his seat and shouts: "Hold it, driver. I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!" ____________________________________________ Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about a word his lover said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, May 21 in 0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor. 1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. Edward IV took the throne. 1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, Switzerland. 1542 Hernando de Soto died along the Mississippi River while searching for gold. 1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain Bartholomew Gosnold. 1790 Paris was divided into 48 zones. 1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City. They were originally known as "swift walkers." 1832 In the U.S., the Democratic Party held its first national convention. 1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony. 1856 Lawrence, Kansas was captured by pro-slavery forces. 1863 The siege of the Confederate Port Hudson, LA, began. 1881 The American branch of the Red Cross was founded by Clara Barton. 1891 Peter Jackson and Jim Corbett fought for 61 rounds only to end in a draw. 1904 Fdration Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) was founded. 1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the demountable tire-carrying rim. 1922 The cartoon, "On the Road to Moscow," by Rollin Kirby won a Pulitzer Prize. It was the first cartoon awarded the Pulitzer. 1924 Fourteen-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a "thrill killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Jr. and Richard Loeb. The killers were students at the University of Chicago. 1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began May 20. 1929 The first automatic electric stock quotation board was used by Sutro and Company of New York City. 1929 William Henry Storey registered the trademark for the board game Sorry! in the U.K. (U.K. number 502898) 1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to fingerprint all of its citizens. 1947 Joe DiMaggio and five of his New York Yankee teammates were fined $100 because they had not fulfilled contract requirements to do promotional duties for the team. 1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in the Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll. 1961 Governor Patterson declared martial law in Montgomery, AL. 1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores. 1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances at Ohio State University. 1980 The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released. 1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting began. 1991 In Madras, India, the former prime minister, Rajiv Gandhi was killed by a bouquet of flowers that contained a bomb. 1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his parents before the rampage. 1998 Microsoft and Sega announced that they are collaborating on a home video game system. 1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by an butyric acid-attacker. 2021 Do smiled. |
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