Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, May 1 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: SC woman arrested at 10 am for drunk driving, urinated on police station floor after arrest. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 1 in 1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund an expedition to the West Indies. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. --- Bill Vaughan Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Mina When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the basement. Then I realized how convenient it was to get him to the breakfast table. Before, I used to stand at the bottom of the staircase and scream his name. Now all I had to do was flick the basement light off and on, and he was here. One morning I flicked the switch, and nothing happened. I did it several more times. "I'm on my way," my son called up. "You didn't have to yell." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Some Ads! Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Revonda Randolph Henderson, 67, Chesnee, South Carolina SC woman arrested at 10 am for drunk driving, urinated on police station floor after arrest. A Chesnee woman accused of DUI, pulled down her pants in peed in the testing room, according to a report from the Spartanburg Co. Sheriffs Office. Spartanburg Co. deputies say they stopped Revonda Henderson for driving erratically on 4/19 around 10:00 am/m The deputy said he smelled an odor of alcohol coming from Henderson. She told the deputy she had drunk 2 malt liquors and they were still in the vehicle. The deputy said she had trouble walking and keeping her balance. He said she had to reach out and grab his arm to keep her balance. She failed the field sobriety test and was arrested for DUI, according to the report. When she was placed in the patrol car she started to curse the deputies and threatened to punch the deputies. The report says they got her to the jail and she refused to provide a breath sample. She then pulled down her pants and urinated on the floor of the testing room, according to the report. She is charged with DUI 1st Offense and Open Container in Vehicle, according to the detention center. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Moe Re: Defragmenters Dear Webby http://www.glarysoft.com/disk-speedup/ This is my favorite now. Seems to list all the drives i have connected. And it does file placement if user wants a slow weekly or night defrag. Puts all the unused stuff out by the slower access tracks. And the high use stuff on outer tracks where more data sits on a track. Less seek time? Not mean much nowadays probably. But it leaves the center for working storage space. Can see when defragging done that the unused stuff not have many frag bits. So runs faster. Moe Dear Moe, and FranticFran I downloaded and tried the free version of the Glary Utilities. First I used the included start-up manger. It showed me all kinds of obsolete and useless stuff, for example all the reporting to Microsoft about what I do. Total waste. They are not interested in what we DO, otherwise they would not have foisted the W10 user interface on us. So I unchecked all of the stuff that is not doing anything useful FOR ME. Then I went to the disk speed up part. Analyze took a while, but not as long as some other programs did. Then I hit defrag and let it do it's thing. There is no point watching it do it's Tetris style shuffling of colored blocks, so I did other work. While it was doing the defrag some activities were slower. That is normal and expected. I was pleasantly surprised how little it interfered with work. After a surprisingly short time everything speeded up and when I looked, the Tetris game was finished and all drives were defragged. Nice job, Glary! There are still more goodies in the free version, that I have not tried yet. And some day I will probably try the PRO version. For now I can definitely recommend the Glary Utilities. Thanks Moe for telling me about it. A word of caution: In case you get drastic with eliminating all kinds of stuff from the hidden start-up schedule, stuff that LOOKS useless, do a back-up before you get too rambunctious! Some useless looking stuff might be needed by some program. Glary doesn't really delete them, just unchecks them from the start-up schedule. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks to Barry for this picture: One quick shake of the head, and dog will get yelled at for an hour. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tough Meat Marinade Instead of buying that expensive cut of meat, try this marinade with a less expensive cut. Ingredients: 1/2 cup vinegar 1 cup beef bouillon Directions: Put in NON-METAL pan or dish overnight to marinade. By Roberta | | Victor Borge - Franz Liszt - Hungarian Rhapsody #2 |
____________________________________________________ Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?" A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?" Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replied old Doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open." ___________________________________________________ | | 16 of the oldest household objects in the world. |
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared a batch of bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, on May 1 0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople. 1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because he refused his share of the Habsburg lands. 1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund an expedition to the West Indies. 1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. 1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment or deportation. 1863 In Virginia, the Battle of Chancellorsville began. General Robert E. Lee's forces began fighting with Union troops under General Joseph Hooker. Confederate General Stonewall Jackson was mortally wounded by his own soldiers in this battle. (May 1-4) 1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter registration. 1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all Federal troops from the South, ending Reconstruction. 1883 William F. Cody (Buffalo Bill) had his first Wild West Show. 1884 The construction of the first American 10-story building began in Chicago, IL. 1889 Asa Candler published a full-page advertisement in The Atlanta Journal, proclaiming his wholesale and retail drug business as "sole proprietors of Coca-Cola ... Delicious. Refreshing. Exhilarating. Invigorating." Mr. Candler did not actually achieve sole ownership until 1891 at a cost of $2,300. 1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet at Manila Bay in the Philippines. 1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer. 1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight. 1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin. 1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest building in the world at the time. 1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal for independence. 1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II. 1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, made its first flight. 1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army advanced on Berlin. 1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of the Third Reich. This was one day after Hitler committed suicide. 1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) was proclaimed. 1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts encircled Earth. 1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down over the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner. 1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more elections in Cuba. 1967 Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua. 1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the support of naval fire, continue their attack on a North Vietnamese Division at Dai Do. 1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia. 1971 The National Railroad Passenger Corp. (Amtrak) went into service. It was established by the U.S. Congress to run the nation's intercity railroads. 1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit passenger car exports to the United States over the next three years. 1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear power plant accident. 1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a speed of 212.229 mph. 1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting from the Rodney King beating trial. King appeared in public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?" 1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts that lacked federal approval in the U.S. 1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died in June of 1924 while trying to become the first person to reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually reached the summit. 2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her remains were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to his relationship with Levy. 2011 It was announced that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama bin Laden in Pakistan. 2017 Do smiled. |
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