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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Illinois woman, who was arrested for driving with tree as hood ornament Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 9, in 1454 - Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his honor. History ______________________________________________________ Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!" "That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?" "Just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!" "That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl. "Just a lucky guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppydog!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The Secretary of the Navy was inspecting a recently launched carrier. The entire crew stood at attention. "I suppose," said the Secretary jokingly to the carrier's captain, "you know the name of every man on the ship." "Yes, of course," was the captain's unexpected reply. "Aha," smiled the Secretary. "What's the name of the third man from the left there in the rear rank?" "William Jones," said the captain. The Secretary addressed the seaman himself. "What's your name, lad?" he asked. "William Jones, sir," replied Seaman Dale Abernathy, "but you can call me Bubba." ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maryann Christy, 54, Roselle, Illinois Woman arrested for driving with tree as hood ornament The Illinois woman, 54, is facing a drunk driving charge after allegedly plowing her car into a tree and then continuing to drive with the 15-foot accessory embedded in the vehicle's grille. Christy was nabbed in late-January after a Roselle Police Department officer spotted her driving with the tree as a hood ornament. Investigators estimated that Christy drove several miles before getting pulled over. Christy, who was navigating with the 2004 Lincolns air bags deployed, told the cop that she recalled hitting a tree, but could not remember where the 11 PM collision occurred. Christy, who was arrested a few miles from her home in Schaumburg, works as a marketing consultant, according to her LinkedIn profile. After Christy failed a series of field sobriety tests, she was arrested for drunk driving. She is next due in court in April on the misdemeanor charge. As seen above, police responding to the arrest scene made sure to photograph Christys vehicle. In addition to the DUI rap, Christy has also been cited for driving with an obstructed window, according to court records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Fake PayPal mail Dear Webby Since you are the expert in many fields, I need to know is this e mail is legit or not. I think not as they would have addressed me by name. I have not used PayPal in many many years so I think it's phishing. If this account number might be real, delete it out of the post. Thanks and hope you are well. Wendy PayPal Dear Client, We emailed you a little while ago to ask for your help resolving an issue with your PayPal account. Your account is still temporarily limited because we haven't heard from you. We understand it may be frustrating to haven't full access to your PayPal account. You must verify your account as quickly as possible. What's the problem? We noticed some unusual activities on your PayPal account. Case ID Number: PP-084-206-403-905 VERIFY NOW Dear Wendy That is a phony as a $3 bill or as Broom Hilda'a election promises. Don't click, just dump, and then dump the recycle bin. That "VERIFY NOW" link calls a virus and trojan into your machine. Yes, PayPal uses your name, and they ALWAYS tell you to log on, and do stuff securely on their site. They NEVER tell you to click on anything in an email. AND, PayPal does not use Nigerian grammar like "frustrating to haven't full access" DUH! Just dump it! You could forward it to spoof@paypal.com But most likely a few thousand people have already reported that. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Patrick in Dublin see's a job advertised on a building site: 'Handy man wanted...apply within'. So he does and speaks to the foreman. Foreman: "Can you drive a fork-lift truck?" Patrick: "No." Foreman: "Can you plaster?" Patrick: "No." Foreman: "Can you lay brick?" Patrick: "No." Foreman: "If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you?" Patrick: "I live next door to the pub across the street." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Blackberry Sauce By lalala... [732 Posts, 97 Comments] We are lucky to have blackberries growing everywhere around us. I recently picked 20 lbs. of them and decided to make this simple blackberry sauce to put on ice cream! sauce on ice cream Ingredients: blackberries, rinsed and dried 1-2 Tbsp corn starch 1/4 cup sugar Steps: Rinse and dry the blackberries. Remove any mushy ones. drying blackberries Put the blackberries into a large sauce pan, over MED heat. Stir in corn starch, mixing well. Heat the blackberries, stirring frequently. As they cook down, the sauce will begin to thicken. Cook until desired consistency. Add sugar, to taste. Allow to cool, then use as a topping on ice cream or anything that sounds good! Blackberries and raspberries turn into a very delightful topping if you simply fill a small Glad or Tupperware container and freeze them till winter. When you are ready, thaw them out. They will shrink and soften a bit, and there will be juice at the bottom. Kids may want some sugar a dded, but most adults will like them as they are, just a tiny bit more tart than straight off the bushes. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. after inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead!" ___________________________________________________ | Weird Al Yankovich - Bob - Palindromes |
____________________________________________________ >From Noella Weird Al Yankovich's Palindromes I, man, am regal - a German am I Never odd or even If I had a hi-fi Madam, I'm Adam Too hot to hoot No lemons, no melon Too bad I hid a boot Lisa Bonet ate no basil Warsaw was raw Was it a car or a cat I saw? Rise to vote, sir Do geese see god? "Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod Rats live on no evil star Won't lovers revolt now? Race fast, safe car Pa's a sap Ma is as selfless as I am May a moody baby doom a yam? Ah, Satan sees Natasha No devil lived on Lonely Tylenol Not a banana baton No "x" in "Nixon" O, stone, be not so O Geronimo, no minor ego "Naomi," I moan "A Toyota's a Toyota" A dog, a panic in a pagoda [ Oh no! Don Ho! Nurse, I spy gypsies - run! Senile felines Now I see bees I won UFO tofu We panic in a pew Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog! Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog ____________________________________________________ The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does. ____________________________________________________ | This Animal Lover Takes the Best Selfies Ever |
| Today on March 9 1454 - Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his honor. 1617 - The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern Russia by Swedish troops. 1734 - The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 1745 - The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 1793 - Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President George Washington. 1796 - Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were married. They were divorced in 1809. 1799 - The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each. 1812 - Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 1820 - The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the way for westward expansion of North America. 1822 - Charles M. Graham received the first patent for artificial teeth. 1839 - The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype photo process. 1858 - Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 1862 - During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton Roads, Virginia. 1897 - A patent was issued to William Spinks and William Hoskins for cue chalk. 1900 - In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to take university entrance exams. 1905 - In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal tombs of Tua and Yua. 1905 - In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 1905 - In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide following an investigation of colonial policy. 1906 - In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were killed in the last two days of fighting. 1909 - The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 1910 - Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for miners in Pennsylvania. 1911 - The funding for five new battleships was added to the British military defense budget. 1916 - Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 1932 - Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 1936 - The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the upcoming elections would be arrested. 1945 - During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary bomb attacks against Japan. 1946 - The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 1949 - The first all-electric dining car was placed in service on the Illinois Central Railroad. 1956 - British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 1957 - Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls for the use of the Suez Canal. 1959 - Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 1964 - Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 1965 - The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 1967 - Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to the United States. 1969 - "The Smothers Brothers' Comedy Hour" was canceled by CBS-TV. 1975 - Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 1975 - Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 1977 - About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 1983 - The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 1985 - "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across the U.S. for the first time. 1986 - U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 1987 - Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors Corporation. 1989 - In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of "boat people." 1989 - In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into bankruptcy. 1989 - In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 1990 - Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and Hispanic surgeon general. 1993 - Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights. 1995 - The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally fishing off of Newfoundland. 2000 - In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 2016 Do smiled. |
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