| Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, January 29 | 1411If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
|
___________________________________________________ History: on this day, January 29, in 1997, America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated customers under threat of lawsuits across the country. Customers were unable to log on after AOL offered a flat $19.95-a-month rate. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Awards: Intoxicated Florida woman, 81, kicks officer in groin during arrest __________________________________________________ Q Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions. --- Cullen Hightower ________________________________________________ >From Donny WHY SHARKS CIRCLE Here's your (educational) story for the day . . Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam towards the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did, and when they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first ? Why did we swim around and around them ?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!" __________________________________________________ >From Myrna What I Want in a Man, Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer thing 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head) 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42) 1. Not too ugly (bald head OK) 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52) 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62) 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72) 1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet. ------------- Except for the shaving, looks like I could fke 42. I DO NOT shave, I trim. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Clarella Nelson Potter, 61, Cape Coral, Florida, USA Intoxicated Florida woman, 81, kicks officer in groin during arrest An 81-year-old woman kicked a police officer "full force" in the groin while she was being arrested at a Florida restaurant, according to a release from the Cape Coral Police Department. Officers responded to the Fathoms Restaurant & Bar in Cape Coral for a "disturbance in progress" at 9:07 p.m. on Jan. 24. When officers arrived and made contact with Clarella Nelson Potter, police said she was "visibly intoxicated." Potter was also combative with restaurant employees and tried to punch them, according to police. Cape Coral police said Potter wasn't cooperative with officers as they tried to find a relative to take her home. Potter was also in an "intoxicated rage" when she grabbed one of the officers by the back of the neck. According to police, she started slapping officers' hands as they escorted her to another area of the restaurant. The woman didnt want to provide her identification, and police said she became "belligerent" and was "screaming profanities" in the restaurant. Authorities said while Potter was getting handcuffed, she started kicking officers, hitting one with "full force" in the groin. While Potter was heading to jail, she allegedly said she would "kill" the officer once her handcuffs were removed, according to police. Potter is charged with disorderly conduct, three counts of battery of a law enforcement officer and intimidation in the form of threatening death or seriously body harm to a law enforcement officer, Cape Coral police said. ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ Two daughters had been given parts in a pageant play at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 10 year old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel." ____________________________________________________ A young engaged couple were getting some prenuptial counseling from their minister. The guy asked, "Is it okay to have sex before the wedding?" The minister replied, "No. It might delay the ceremony." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ Trish Biggs Upside Down Waterfall in Oz ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ >From Lynn An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "MY difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N." ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Randy RE: Fast connections elsewhere Dear Webby! I realize the grass is always greener onthe other side of the fence, but I was a DSL installer and after I retired, I wanted to see for myself if the grass in South Korea was as fast as people claimed, when they bitched about the 30 Mbps, that I installed. So I flew to South Korea. This was after I retired and just before the Covid hassle. Well, the people were VERY friendly, and hotel receptionists fought for which one could set up my laptop. All I had to do was set my laptop onto the counter, and before I could tell them what kind of room I wanted or for how long, it was set up. The speed was unbelievably fast. Google had a bit of a problem keeping up, but was still a LOT faster than at home. That 200 Mbps is like skiing down a black flagged (suiciders only) ski run. WoooooHoooo! I tell ya, I was tempted to stay and got the immigration application papers. If you just do email and writing, the high speed makes little difference, but if you do a lot of searching for stuff. then that speed is extremely addictive. I hated the meek and miserly 30 Mbps when I got home. Randy Dear Randy You can't get 400 Mbps where you are now, but with an extra $100 a month you can get 100Mbps. I know it is not the same, but it will help. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Two doctors are walking down the corridor of the hospital. First doc asks, "Did you tell that politician in room 316 that he was going to die?" "Sure did", second one answers. First doc says, "Darn! I wanted to tell him!" ____________________________________________________ Today, January 29 in 1728, John Gay's The Beggar's Opera was first performed at Lincoln's Inn Fields Theatre, London. 1820, Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle. 1845, Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" was published for the first time in the "New York Evening Mirror." 1848, Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland. 1850, Henry Clay introduced in the Senate a compromise bill on slavery that included the admission of California into the Union as a free state. 1856, Britain's highest military decoration, the Victoria Cross, was founded by Queen Victoria. 1886, The first successful gasoline driven motorcar, built by Karl Benz, was patented. 1916, In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins for the first time. 1924, R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine. 1940, The W. Atlee Burpee Seed Company displayed the first tetraploid flowers at the New York City Flower Show. 1949, "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first air- conditioned naval ship in Virginia. 1963, Britain was refused entry into the EEC. 1966, "Sweet Charity" opened at the Palace Theatre in New York City. It ran for 608 performances. 1979, U.S. President Carter formally welcomed Chinese Vice Premier Deng Xiaoping to the White House. The visit followed the establishment of diplomatic relations. 1987, "Physicians Weekly" announced that the smile on the face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve behind the ear." 1990, Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon Valdez, went on trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that stemmed from America's worst oil spill. Hazelwood was later acquitted of all the major charges and was convicted of a misdemeanor. 1995, The San Francisco 49ers became the first team in National Football League (NFL) history to win five Super Bowl titles. The 49ers defeated the San Diego Chargers 49- 26. 1996, French President Jacques Chirac announced the "definitive end" to nuclear testing. Until next time. 1996, La Fenice, the 204 year old opera house in Venice, was destroyed by fire. Arson was suspected. 1997, America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated customers under threat of lawsuits across the country. Customers were unable to log on after AOL offered a flat $19.95-a-month rate. 1998, A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, AL, killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding a nurse. Eric Rudolph was charged with this bombing and three other attacks in Atlanta. 1999, Paris prosecutors announced the end of the investigation into the accident that killed Britain's Princess Diana. 1999, The U.S. Senate delivered subpoenas for Monica Lewinsky and two presidential advisers for private, videotaped testimony in the impeachment trial. 2001, In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters stormed the parliament property and demanded that President Abdurrahman Wahid quit due to his alleged involvement in two corruption scandals. Wahid announced that he would not resign. 2014, Archaeologists announced that they had uncovered what they believed to be the oldest temple in Roman antiquity. The temple was found at the Sant'Omobono site in central Rome. 2022 Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
