Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, April 20 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Woman Claimed Meth Sales As Only Work Option __________________________________________________ On April 20 in 1879, First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey from London to Cyprus. __________________________________________________ Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. --- Stephen Vizinczey Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) Most of the important things in the world have been achieved by people who have kept on trying, when there seemed to be no hope at all. --- Dale Carnegie ____________________________________________________ An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after an entire semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. They found his answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line: 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency? Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance. 911 operator: A what? Man: I need an ambulance. A dude just got hit by a car. 911 operator: Okay, where are you? Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street. 911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This static makes it hard to understand you. Man: I'm at Sycamore Street! 911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand you if you spell where you're at. Man: All right. S-y-c-k...no, no that ain't right. S-i- c-k...no...S-e...S-y. I'll tell you what, I'll drag the dude over to Lee Street; you can pick him up there. ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ During the cold war we had a series of radar sites known as the "Distant Early Warning" system or "DEW" line, a string of big huge radar stations in Northern Canada, powerful enough to microwave a goose at 5 Miles, advanced enough to look over the North Pole into Russia, accurate enough to tell the difference between a thrown rolling pin and a missile. Gradually the satellites took over the surveillance job and the DEW line got abandoned and just sat there rusting away quietly. Only recently some contractors were sent up there to dismantle the sites and bury or cart away the remains. One mechanic stationed there asked his buddy at home to arrange a date for him when he got leave. The buddy did so, but told the girl that she'd better be careful, as the guy had been working on the DEW line for 6 months. She replied, "No problem. I've been working on my 'DON'T line' for six years." ____________________________________________________ A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that according to the pope it was still considered a perverted act and a sin; totally banned according to their faith. The wife spoke up fuming, "Hey Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules !!!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rainee Pase, 27, Terra Alta, West Virginia, USA Woman Claimed Meth Sales As Only Work Option A West Virginia woman arrested with a large stash of methamphetamine told police that she sold the drug in order to make a living because she can not obtain a job, according to a felony complaint. Rainee Pase, 27, was a passenger in an SUV pulled over Sunday night for vehicular violations as it traveled on Route 7 in Terra Alta, a small West Virginia town. During questioning by a state trooper, a male passenger in the auto revealed that when Pase spotted the cop car pull behind them, she announced that she was in possession of narcotics. Investigators allege that Pase then admitted there was methamphetamine in her backpack. A search of the backpack yielded a large baggy with methamphetamine and several small baggies with the substance and the weight of the product written on the outside. Troopers also found smoking devices, several empty baggies, and a small scale with what appeared to be meth residue on it. The scale had Pases name written on it, cops say. Pase, seen above, was arrested on a possession with intent to deliver charge, a felony carrying a maximum prison term of 15 years. The seized meth weighed a total of about 20 grams, according to the court complaint. While in custody, investigators say, Pase told a trooper that, she does sell methamphetamine in order to make a living because she can not obtain a job. Pase is locked up in lieu of $10,000 bond on the drug count. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: How do I switch from Windos to Linux? Dear DearWebby I am going to switch the entire office to Linux. We had to get all new machines and they are all W10. W10 is ridiculous and everything takes a lot longer to get done. How do we go about the switch to Linux? Elvira Dear Elvira You can get "Linux on a stick", that you plug into a USB port. It works quite OK, especially if you use Open Office or Office Libre. It is considerably faster than Windows. Find a local penguin (Linux user), who is willing to do some consulting and question answering while you switch over. Ideally, of course, would be an existing employee, preferably the one, who recommended Linux. Linux is not more difficult, just different. It is like changing from small gasoline moped to big Diesel trucks. That is why almost 100% of servers run on Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the barn just before it burned, and provide you with a new one of comparable worth, up to a maximum of fifty thousand dollars." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "In THAT case, I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." ______________________________________________ How can you tell if people are married ? "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The teacher asked: What do you think your mom and dad have in common? Little Johnnie: "Both don't want no more kids." ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 20, in 1534, Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from St. Malo to explore the North American coastline. 1653, In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members. 1657, English Admiral Robert Blake fought his last battle when he destroyed the Spanish fleet in Santa Cruz Bay. 1689, The siege of Londonderry began. Supporters of James II attacked the city. 1769, Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois Indian in Cahokia. 1775, American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 1792, France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 1809, Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, Bavaria. 1832, Hot Springs National Park was intially created by an act of the U.S. Congress. It was the first time a piece of land was set aside by the U.S. government to preserve the area for recreation. The area was made a national park on March 4, 1921. 1836, The U.S. territory of Wisconsin was created by the U.S. Congress. 1837, Erastus B. Bigelow was granted a patent for his power loom. 1841, In Philadelphia, PA, Edgar Allen Poe's first detective story, "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," was published in Graham's Magazine. 1861, Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 1865, Safety matches were first advertised. 1879, First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey from London to Cyprus. 1902, Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the radioactive element radium. 1916, Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was captured within hours and was hanged for high treason on August 3. 1919, The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 1940, The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 1942, Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation with Germany." 1945, Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 1945, During World War II, Allied forces took control of the German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 1953, Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty Americans were freed. 1953, The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a record time of 2:18:51. 1961, FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 1962, The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one- way ride for blacks to move to northern states. 1967, U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the Vietnam War. 1971, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the use of busing to achieve racial desegregation in schools. 1972, The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 1981, A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho Maru on April 9. 1984, Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong would cease in 1997. 1985, In Madrid, Santiago Carillo was purged from the Communist Party. Carillo was a founder of Eurocommunism. 1987, In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 1988, The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2 bomber) was officially unveiled. 1989, Scientists announced the successful testing of high- definition TV. 1991, Mikhail Gorbachev became the first Soviet head of state to visit South Korea. 1992, The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 1998, Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston Marathon for the second time. He also registered the third fastest time with 2 hours 7 minutes and 34 seconds. 2022 Do smiled. |
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