Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, June 11 ___________________________________________________ Today, June 11 in 1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off of Australia when he ran aground. OOOPS! _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: 57 year old Fresno child porno maker arrested. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. --- Carl Zwanzig _____________________________________________________ An airline customer service agent, received a call from a lady who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. The agent told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. The agent further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. Then the lady said, "I will never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" and hung up. __________________________________________ Alberta Mountain Sheep __________________________________________ One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Texas A & M." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Todd Mumma, 57, Fresno, California, USA 57 year old Fresno child porno maker arrested. 57-year-old Todd Mumma of Fresno was arrested by Fresno County Sheriff's detectives on charges of manufacturing child pornography. Members of the Central Valley Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force served a search warrant at Mumma's home following a tip on May 8th. The search turned up multiple cameras and electronic storage devices containing dozens of pornographic images of children. Detectives also located hidden cameras installed in bedrooms and bathrooms of his home. The Fresno County Sheriff's Office brought in a K-9 trained specifically to sniff out electronic devices. K-9 Jack is not only able to locate the electronics, but he's also able to sniff out storage devices that are very small and easily hidden. Detectives then followed a lead which took them to a business owned by Mumma. The business is Select Business Systems located on N. Del Mar Ave. in Fresno. Detectives recovered a device that contained a hidden camera but did not find any hidden cameras installed inside the workplace. He was booked into the Fresno County Jail on felony charges of manufacturing child pornography and a misdemeanor of peeping. His bail was set at $40,000. He has since paid his bond and been released from custody. Detectives believe there are people who visited Mummas house and were unknowingly recorded. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Janice Re: Should I remove nit Dear Webby, I know I loaded 'Should-I-Remove-it' but I can't seem to find it. Slightly down for the count, Janice Dear Janice Click on START Type SHOULD It will, at W10 speed, show a bunch of useless crap, but also Should I Remove it. Hit that and it will start up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ | | Landslide Takes Entire Neighborhood To The Sea |
_____________________________________________ Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday." As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday." The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23. _____________________________________________ >from Nancy I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one. So I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her, figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with everyone. She said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away. HUH, must not have had any in stock. In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock. He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed. He started laughing at me said something about me trying to kill him. "You're killing me!" Something like that and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock I wasn't trying to kill him I wasn't even hurting him. The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. "She's fallen off the wagon, that explains it," like that and walked away laughing. The guy in the fourth store said something like, "boob" under his breath and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores maybe have to order from a catalog or something. So that's where I am now. If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it then all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it. _____________________________________________ Greg came home from work and found Keli admiring her breasts in the mirror. Greg asked, "What are you doing?" Keli replied, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me have the breasts of a 25 year old." Greg retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 60 year old ass?" Keli replied, "Frankly Greg, your name never came up." ____________________________________________ If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 11 in 1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in Germany. 1509 King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, Catherine of Aragon. 1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off of Australia when he ran aground. OOOPS! 1776 In America, the Continental Congress formed a committee to draft a Declaration of Independence from Britain. 1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta. 1895 Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted to an American for a gasoline-driven automobile. Gasoline powered cars were in actual use in Europe at that time, but nobody had patented them. 1912 Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off from the roof of a hotel. 1915 British troops took Cameroon in Africa. 1927 Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished Flying Cross. 1930 William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426 feet off the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber called a bathysphere. 1934 The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in failure. 1936 The Presbyterian Church of America was formed in Philadelphia, PA. 1937 Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army generals. 1940 The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at Malta in the Mediterranean. 1942 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease agreement to aid the Soviets in their effort to defeat the Germans in World War II and to boost the American economy. 1943 During World War II, the Italian island of Pantelleria surrendered after a heavy air bombardment. 1947 The U.S. government announced an end to sugar rationing. 1950 Ben Hogan returned to tournament play after a near fatal car accident. He won the U.S. Open. 1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida for trying to integrate restaurants. 1963 Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black students to enroll at the University of Alabama. 1967 Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire. 1973 After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State of Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle. 1977 In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came to an end when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school being held by South Moluccan extremists. Two hostages and the six terrorists were killed. 1982 Steven Spielberg's movie "E.T." opened. 1987 Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime minister in 160 years to win a third consecutive term of office. 1990 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would prohibit the desecration of the American Flag. 1991 Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The eruption of ash and gas could be seen for more than 60 miles. 1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit "hate crimes" could be sentenced to extra punishment. The court also ruled in favor of religious groups saying that they indeed had a constitutional right to sacrifice animals during worship services. 1993 Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened. 1998 Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S. government. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes from male workers. 1998 Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and offered to talk with India over disputed Kashmir. 2010 The FIFA World Cup opened in South Africa. It was the first time it was held in Africa. 2020 Do smiled. |
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