Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, May 29 Thank you, Len!!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Cheese-loving drug dealer nabbed after posting picture, exposing his fingerprints ___________________________________________________ Today, May 29 in 1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. ____________________________________________________ Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) ____________________________________________________ The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-w hat about vinegar bottles?" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight- saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?" "To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carl Stewart, 39, Liverpool, England Cheese-loving drug dealer nabbed after posting picture, exposing his fingerprints A drug dealers love for cheese turned out to be his downfall after posting a picture of himself holding the food, allowing police to analyze and identify his fingerprints, according to authorities. Merseyside Police in England said they tracked down Carl Stewart, 39, after he shared a close-up picture of him holding a block of Stilton cheese. He sent the picture over an encrypted network that police had been monitoring as part of a larger effort to nab suspected drug dealers called "Operation Venetic." Police said they found Stewarts picture and closely examined his palm. "His palm and fingerprints were analysed from this picture and it was established they belonged to Stewart," Detective Inspector Lee Wilkinson said in a news release. Wilkinson said Stewart "was caught out by his love of Stilton cheese." Stewart, of Liverpool, England, was sentenced to 13 years and six months in prison Friday after pleading guilty to conspiracy to supply cocaine, heroin, MDMA, ketamine and transferring criminal property. Authorities said he did much of his criminal work on an EncroChat phone, using the handle, "Toffeeforce." It was the same device he used to upload the cheese picture. EncroChat is a highly encrypted network used by criminals around the world, according to Sky News. According to authorities, nearly 60,000 users of EncroChat have been identified worldwide, with about 10,000 of them in the United Kingdom. Police said users are involved in drug and weapon dealings, money laundering and other criminal activity. "As part of Operation Venetic, Merseyside Police has so far arrested more than 60 people, many of whom have been charged with serious drug trafficking or firearms offenses," Wilkinson said. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Wendy RE: Free Anti-Virus Dear Webby What have you got for a free anti-virus program? Wendy Dear Wendy Personally, I use Malwarebytes. That is the best, that professionals can get. Unfortunately, it is not free. Among the free ones, AVG has a pretty good reputation. I have never seen any complaints about it. Here is the link: Download AVG Have FUN! DearWebby It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested. ___________________________________________ The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything." They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!" ------------------ I have done that most winters in the Yukon. However in the Yukon we first hitch up the dogs and skid the outhouse 20 feet away. If no second blast is required, we skid the outhouse back to the proper location, so that nobody falls into the hole. Sure beats trying to dig a new hole at -40 ! Because of the cold temperature the contents don't settle and level, but build a nasty pyramid, that needs to be knocked over or blasted. ____________________________________________ A woman was complaining to a policeman about the neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode and pointing across the court said, "It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that apartment--I'm ashamed." The cop looked across the court and said, "I can't see anything going on in there." "Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll see plenty!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, in May 29 in 1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending the Byzantine Empire. 1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after the Puritan Commonwealth. 1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal colony. 1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's House of Burgesses. 1790 Rhode Island became the last of the original thirteen colonies to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffins Lancasterian School. 1848 WIsconsin became the 30th state to join the United States. 1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham Lincoln. 1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize. 1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job. 1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until 1924. 1922 Ecuador became independent. 1922 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was a sport, not subject to antitrust laws. 1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for another 13 years. 1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North Pole in single engine plane. 1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men to reach the top of Mount Everest. 1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los Angeles. 1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of edited Watergate transcripts. 1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. 1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were being diverted to the Contras. 1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet Union in Moscow. 1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian republic by the Russian parliament. 1997 The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and rioting that killed 200 people. 1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with the International Space Station. 2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in mid-May. 2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in Africa that killed 224 people. 2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments. 2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S. terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic relations in January of 1961. 2021 Do smiled. |
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