Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, September 19 Thanks, Doug! __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Austin shooter identified and charged  ___________________________________________________ Today, Sept 19 in 1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an online message. ____________________________________________________ All general statements are false. --- Socratex No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ____________________________________________________ Sitting through fire safety and prevention programs can make anyone nod off. So the instructor tried to lighten the mood by going around the room asking where all the guests were from. "Burnt Mattress, Arkansas," called out the friend sitting next to me. "Burnt Mattress!" said the instructor, suppressing a laugh. "I've heard some unusual town names before, but never that one. Where's it located?" My friend shot back, "Right above Hot Springs." ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance. The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?" She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me fifty dollars!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  De'Ondre Jermirris White, 19, Austin, Texas, USA  Austin shooter identified and charged  A suspect in the mass shooting that killed one and injured 14 in Downtown Austin has been indicted for murder and aggravated assault. A Travis County grand jury has indicted 19-year-old De'Ondre Jermirris White with first-degree murder for the death of 25-year-old Douglas Kantor and 14 counts of aggravated assault for the injury of 14 others. White was apprehended in Killeen in late June. White is currently in custody and bail has been set at $1 million. The Travis County District Attorney's Office says that White is expected to remain in custody. 14 other people were injured in the mass shooting on Sixth Street, including Adrianna Salazar. She was shot in the popular nightlife district while celebrating her 19th birthday Saturday. A bullet passed through the Northeast Early College High School graduates right leg, shattering the bone. It remains lodged in her left leg. Doctors implanted a metal rod in her right leg.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Mia Re: Excel replacement Dear Webby, What is the name of the free Excel replacement, that you occasionally mention? Thanks Mia  Dear Mia Try Open ofice or office Libre. They are both about the same, just split up to promote competition. Either one will pick up Excel files and even save them as Excel files, in case the teacher has been bribed to demand Exel. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 It has been determined the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead. ____________________________________________ A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And the congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river." And the congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I had all the whiskey and demon rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river." And the congregation cried, "Hallelujah!" The preacher sat down. The song leader stood up very tentatively and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing hymn #365, 'Shall we gather at the river." ____________________________________________ Sometimes when you cry, no one sees the tears.... Sometimes when you are happy, no one bothers to see the smile.... BUT FART ONCE AND EVERYONE NOTICES! ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, Sept 19, in 1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King John. 1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers during the Revolutionary War. 1796 U.S. President Washington's farewell address was published. 1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a revolt by the army and navy. 1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test. The test took place in the Nevada desert. 1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland due to security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily. 1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the United Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily after a dispute with the management. 1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an online message. 1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were supported in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut. 1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement transferring Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997. 1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients. 1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test satellite. 1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries that were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government. 1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending Yugoslavia due to its role in the Bosnian civil war. 1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the return of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 1995 The U.S. Senate passed a welfare overhaul bill. 1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S. ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed by three U.S. servicemen. 1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a peace treaty to end their long war. 2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September 25th to help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer areas. 2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop "AOL" from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The company had announced its merger and name change on January 10, 2000. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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