Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, March 29 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  ______________________________________________________ Today, March 29 in 1903 A regular news service began between New York and London on Marconi's wireless. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Bonehead arrested for attempting to set 16 military vehicles on fire  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. --- Fletcher Knebel We need not worry so much about what man descends from--it's what he descends to that shames the human race. --- Mark Twain _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?" -------------- Believe it or not, that is indeed standard procedure at United Airlines. She DID ask me exactly that. I have not flown with United since that day, ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________    An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michael Gordon, 27, Brandon, Florida  Bonehead arrested for attempting to set 16 military vehicles on fire  The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office arrested a man for attempting to set 16 government vehicles on fire early Wednesday morning. Deputies responded to the Military Recruitment Center on W Brandon Boulevard around 7 a.m. for the report that 16 government vehicles and one civilian vehicle had the gas tanks pried open with rags and sticks placed inside the tanks. The vehicles are the property of the U.S. Army, Navy, National Guard, Air Force and Marine Corps. During the investigation, the suspect returned to the location. Michael Gordon, 27, was taken into custody. During an interview, Gordon made statement about wanting to blow up the vehicles, because, "the generals won't surrender to the Kingdom of God." The sheriff's office said Gordon referred to himself as "Michael the Arc Angel." He had two lighters on him and admitted to having charcoal lighter fluid as well. Gordon is facing criminal mischief and attempted arson charges. He has no prior criminal history in Hillsborough County. He is in the Orient Road Jail.  
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 >From Donna Upon retiring from the service, my husband, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good and he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!" 
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 A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a wildebeast and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildebeast stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times. The lion feels like he had been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till he looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Salt for BBQ Flare Ups Keep some salt handy when grilling. When you get flare ups from fat or juices dripping in the grill, just toss some salt on the flames and they will die down. Always have a fire extinguisher or hose handy, just in case. Thriftyfun.com NEVER EVER use water if frying oil flares up! A bit of patience does the same trick. Those drippings just flare and are gone in a few seconds. However, if you are making French Fries on the BBQ, and the oil catches on fire, do not throw salt and especially not water at it. Napalm is much safer than a grease or oil fire with water thrown into it. A two gallon pot of burning grease can make a fire and mushroom cloud, that can be seen from space, if you throw a cup of water into it. Always have a lid or cover handy. Just put a cover on it, then calmly, and with no need to hurry, turn the burners off or move the pan or pot away from the hot area. A frying pan, even a piece of plywood or gyprock, any cover will work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby   ____________________________________________________   
  
Artwork in the eye of a needle. 
 ___________________________________________________ A captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a long evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the Captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to a seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!" The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also crapped in your pants." ___________________________________________________ In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work." On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament-Ears pierced" Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques." In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the passengers. "We have a little extra room tonight, folks," he said over the PA system. "So if you wouldn't mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is full." ___________________________________________________  
 Today March 29 in 1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by defeating Henry VI's Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to create the Dominion of Canada. 1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia. 1903 A regular news service began between New York and London on Marconi's wireless. 1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job seeking higher wages. 1913 The Reichstag announced a raise in taxes in order to finance the new military budget. 1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo. 1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean. 1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began during World War II. 1946 Gold Coast became the first British colony to hold an African parliamentary majority. 1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were executed in June 19, 1953. 1961 The 23rd amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The amendment allowed residents of Washington, DC, to vote for president. 1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 1966 Leonid Brezhnev became the First Secretary of the Soviet Communist Party. He denounced the American policy in Vietnam and called it one of aggression. 1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later commuted to live in prison. 1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. 1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3, 1973. 1974 Eight Ohio National Guardsmen were indicted on charges stemming from the shooting deaths of four students at Kent State University on May 4, 1970. All the guardsmen were later acquitted. 1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. House of Representatives stated the assassination of President John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 1983 Erno Rubik was granted a patent for his Magic Cube. (U.S. Patent 4,378,116) 1986 A court in Rome acquitted six men in a plot to kill the Pope. 1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the Giant in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the Silverdome in Pontiac, MI. 1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to when he had experimented with marijuana. 1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops during World War II. 1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a constitutional amendment that would have limited terms to 12 years in the U.S. House and Senate. 2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia became members of NATO. 2010 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower became the tallest structure in Japan when it reached 1,109 feet. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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