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 Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, Do,
Today is Wednesday, September 13
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
3 Pennsylvania women arrested for strong-arm robbery
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 13 in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the
Plains of Abraham in the final French and Indian War.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!


______________________________________________________
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you
bore people, they think it's their fault.
--- Henry Kissinger (1923 - )
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in
logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in
a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his
balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for
help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and
runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the
bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To pull out all his
savings before the inlaws get at them ?"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
From Lorna:
Government Office Rules
1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clanks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it's a friend, take a break.
5) If it's the boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it's handwritten, type it.
8) If it's typed, copy it.
9) If it's copied, file it.
10) If it's Friday, forget it!
______________________________________________________


_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by
Jaijah White, 25,
Stephanie Parise, 21,
Queana Zemba,21,
Harrisburg,
Pennsylvania
3 Pennsylvania women arrested for strong-arm robbery
One woman is accused of holding a victim by the hair while
three others punched her in the face early Saturday in
Harrisburg.
Police said they were called to the 200 block of Locust
Street at 12:59 a.m. Saturday by a woman who said four women
attacked her and took her money. The victim had a swollen
and bleeding eye.
Three of the four have been charged with two counts of
robbery and one of disorderly conduct: Stephanie Parise, 21,
of the 500 block of Benyou Lane, New Cumberland; Jaijah
Nichole White, 25, of the 200 block of North Harrisburg
Street, Steelton; and Queana Zemba, 21, of the 6400 block of
Terrace Court. Harrisburg.
Police said witnesses told them Parise held the victim by
her hair as White, Zemba, and an unknown female struck her
repeatedly. White is also accused of taking the victim's
wallet and removing her money.
Zemba is in Dauphin County prison in lieu of $5,000 bail,
while Parise and White posted $5,000 bail.
_________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Lee
Re: Friends List
Dear Webby,
In reference to Doris not getting the humor letter, you
suggested having her put humor@webby.com into her friends
list or white list. I'm not too sharp on computer lingo,
explain friends list and white list. Thanks
Lee
Dear Lee
All spam control programs and most email programs have
a list of authorized addresses. Some call it address book,
some call it White-List, some call it Friends-List.
When an address is in that list, then mail from that address
is not checked with the regular junk-mail filters.
Dedicated programs like MailWasher
let you make very sophisticated filters quite easily using
the built in filter maker, and even arrange the filters by
seniority.
Keep in mind, once a piece of mail has been judged good or
bad, it won't be judged again by filters further down the
list. Don't sort them alphabetically, but by their priority.
For example, move a filter that judges all mail from your
daughter as good, up to the top,
and a filter, that judges all mail that has the name of a
certain pill, way down. That way, even if she jokes about
that pill, it will be OK, since her mail has already been
judged as good.
As long as you keep seniority or priority in mind, filters
are really easy and predictable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Ross for this story and picture:
A sweet little old lady from Newfoundland had worked in and
around her family dairy farm since she was old enough to
walk, with endless hours of hard work and little
compensation.
When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery
stores in around the 1940's, she read an advertisement
offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted
a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all....
She thought to herself, I know all about milk & dairy
farms...
I can do this!
She sent in her entry & about a week later, a black limo
drove up in front of her house.
A man got out & said "Carnation LOVED your entry so much,
we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be
able to use it."
Her entry is here:
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Berry Lime Sorbet
By Holly805 [13 Posts, 10 Comments]
This sorbet is a sweet, slightly tart treat, that is perfect
for the end of summer. It is non-fat and also has reduced
sugar content. A honey syrup with whole fruit enhances the
consistency and adds natural sweetness. No ice cream maker
needed! Perfect for someone looking for a healthier
alternative to store bought ice cream or sorbet.
Prep Time: 20 min
Total Time: Chill overnight
Yield: 6-8 1/2 cup servings
Source: Trial and error. :)
Ingredients:
1/4 cup lime juice
1/3-1/2 cup honey
24 oz frozen mixed berries (1/2 of a 3 pound bag)
2 small frozen bananas, sliced
2 tsp lime zest
2-3 Tbsp almond milk (optional)
Steps:
Zest and juice 3 to 4 limes.
Measure the honey and add with lime juice to a small
saucepan over medium low heat. Bring to a low bubble and
simmer for two minutes, whisking occasionally. This makes a
simple syrup, the necessary element for a smooth texture.
Set out the frozen fruit to soften while the syrup simmers.
Cool the syrup slightly.
Add 1/2 the berries and the banana slices to the blender
(the bananas enhance the consistency and cannot be tasted in
the finished sorbet). Pour in the steaming syrup over the
fruit. The heat from the syrup will soften the fruit enough
for blending. Add the lime zest and puree on high, mixing as
needed.
When the mixture is smooth, stir in the remaining berries.
Puree, adding 2-3 Tbsp. almond milk if additional liquid is
needed to blend the fruit.
Pour the mixture into a freezer safe storage container and
freeze for two hours. Next, transfer the partially frozen
mixture to a bowl. Beat until the overall consistency is
smooth. Freeze for another two hours and repeat this
process.
The mixture should be more thick, like soft served ice
cream. This mimics the churning process of an ice cream
maker, which prevents large ice crystals from forming and
ruining the scoop-able consistency.
Freeze the sorbet for an additional 3-4 hours or overnight.
Prior to serving, set the sorbet out to soften for about
three minutes. It should scoop easily into nice, compact
servings.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________


And you thought 6th grade band was boring
____________________________________________________
From Candy
My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While
our new house was being built, he would leave notes for the
workmen, politely calling their attention to mistakes or
oversights. Two weeks before we were to move in, the floors
still were not finished, the bathrooms not tiled, nor were
necessary fixtures installed. I was sure that the work would
never be completed in time. However, on moving day, we found
that the house was ready to receive us.
Curious as to how this miracle had been accomplished, I went
and checked where my husband always left his notes for the
workmen.
Posted prominently on the living room wall was my husband's
last note: "after September 10, all work will be supervised
by my wife and 5 children."
___________________________________________________
An unusual hotel in a nature reserve.
___________________________________________________
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a
local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud
conversation and every once in a while the lights would
turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place
would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went
dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please
use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there
is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig
leaf."
"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the
nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the
restaurant, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few
minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped
just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't
understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went
to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender.
"Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf
on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how
about that drink?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes
and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you
subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
From Donna
Enjoy your newsletter everyday and always seem to get a
chuckle. There you were today picking on us Southerners
for calling all soft drinks a Coke...which by the way is
almost always true.
Made me think of an incident one year while on vacation
in Hawaii. We stopped at a Burger King for a quick lunch
and I ordered a mustard whopper and the guy behind the
counter said "you must be from Texas".
Seems Texans were the only ones who ordered them that way.
Donna
From Dennis
Dear Webby
I got a big kick out of the little addition you tacked on to
the story about ordering sodas at the movies. I spent my
college years in Tennessee and heard that conversation
many times. In my area, you had to first ask for a cold
drink (that's pronounced "cole drank"). If you didn't
specify "coke", you were handed whatever brand of beer
happened to be in the fridge (which would have the catch-all
tag of "Bud"). Or, you could specify "coke" and then further
qualify your choice.
The other language barrier issue that most amused/irritated
me had to do with hats. I'm from Upstate New York, so if
someone mentioned a toboggan, I would think of a sled made
of laminated wood, ten or twelve feet long with a curved-up
end. In Tennessee, a toboggan is the hat you wear while
riding a sled made of laminated wood, ten or twelve feet
long with a curved-up end.
Thanks for the chuckle on the walk own Memory Lane
Dennis
From Susan
Webby,
Thanks for doing a great job. I know it takes a lot of
effort,
and it's appreciated.
-- Susan
___________________________________________
Today, Sept 13, in
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains
of Abraham in the final French and Indian War.
1789 The United States Government took out its first loan.
1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the
Mexican-American War.
1862 During the American Civil War General Lee's Order No.
191 was found by federal soldiers in Maryland.
1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid
photographic film, which is used to make movies.
1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was
recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit.
1935 Aviator Howard Hughes, Jr., of Houston, set a new
airspeed record of 352 mph with his H-1 airplane (Winged
Bullet).
1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China.
1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned
payola.
1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt.
A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. A
committee was organized to investigate the riot on September
30, 1971.
1971 The World Hockey Association was formed.
1977 The first US made diesel automobiles were introduced by
General Motors. Europeans had them since the 50's because of
gasoline shortages.
1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S.
had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used
poisonous biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and
Afghanistan.
1988 Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's
barometric pressure measured 26.13. It was the strongest
hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere.
1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major
agreement. Palestine was granted limited self-government in
the Gaza Strip and in Jericho.
1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton signed a $30 billion crime
bill into law.
1998 The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers
added offensive material.
2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin
Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial
flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days.
I remember that. I was supposed to fly to Tennessee on Sept
12. Got to fly on Sept 13. The pilot on the first flight ran
away. It took them over an hour to find a different one.
That caused me to miss the connecting flight from Toronto to
Nahsville. When I finally got to Nashville, the airport was
totally empty and echoing my steps. Scary!
Didn't stop me, though.
2017 Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!


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Well,
Do
, that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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