Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, December 4 Thank you, Frank!!! Thank you, Leonard!! If you did not yet take a minute to stare at the Supermoon, it is not too late. The moon is still very close and big tonight. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Maryland man arrested for trying to kill woman with car Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 4 in 1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. --- Marilyn Manson (1969 - ) Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? --- George Wallace ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?" "Oh,"replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A friend is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. "I'll bet you don't have anything like that in Texas!" "Nope, I reckon we don't," said the Texan. "But we've got plumbers who could fix it." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Caution! This story from Martin contains some words in Australian, and might not be suitable for reading from the church pulpit. This Chinese man moved into his new home in Australia. His Aussie neighbor, being the nice Aussie bloke that he was, decided to make him feel welcome. He went next door to wish him welcome. He was shocked to see the Chinese man in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home. The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Chinese man When he looked through his window, he saw the Chinese man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff. The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Chinese man. At his gate, he saw the Chinese man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt. He became angry and went up to the Chinese man. "I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Chinese customs!" He yelled in the Chinese man's face. The Chinese man looked confused and answered. "Solly sir, I think you awe mistaken. These awe actually Austwalian customs. I was told, to become an Austwalian, you have to chase chicks, drink piss, and lissen to boohll-sheet." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andre Thomas Crew, 27, Waldorf, Maryland Maryland man arrested for trying to kill woman with car A man was arrested after her tried to run over a woman with his car on Wednesday night, according to a statement issued by Maryland State Police. Andre Thomas Crew, 27, sideswiped the woman's car on northbound Route 301 at Mattawoman Drive in Waldorf, police said. The victim got out of her car and tried to take pictures of Crew's vehicle's tags, investigators said. Crew then hit the gas, attempting to pin the woman in between both vehicles, police said. The victim jumped onto Crew's hood to avoid being crushed. Crew accelerated again as the victim clung to the hood of his car. The victim told investigators Crew purposely tried to strike another vehicle to throw her off the hood. The victim jumped off the hood before Crew hit another vehicle further down the highway at Cedarville Road. Medics arrived and took the woman to MedStar Southern Maryland Hospital nearby. Crew was arrested at the scene. He has been charged with first- and second-degree assault and reckless endangerment. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonny Re: Fuzzy pictures Dear Webby, I have a bunch of older digital pictures that are quite fuzzy by today's standards. How do you make fuzzy pictures clear and sharp? Bonny Dear Bonny As long as it is not motion blur or jitters, you have a very good chance at clarifying the pictures. If you have Paintshop Pro, increase the image size 10-15%, then use the "Clarify" button. Increase the size again and clarify once more. By now the pricture is probably getting rather coarse looking. Now use the Effects tool and select "Edge Preserving Smooth". After that, shrink the picture to original size. It should be quite acceptable now. This trick works pretty well on original pictures, but nothing works, if a picture has been saved a few times with a high JPG compression. Always work in PSP format, or at least PNG or TIFF, until all work is completed. Then save in that format first before doing a final save in JPG format. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Bob for this story: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The teacher brought a Venus de Milo statue in class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert." "The fine finish," says Robert. "Very good. And you, Peter?" "Her .... boobs!" says Peter. "Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?" "I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Fixes - Lumpy Sugar? The common cause of lumpy sugar is humidity. So it's always better to store sugar in a cool dry place in an airtight container. If you have lumpy sugar, place it in the refrigerator for 24 hours. If you still have lumps after that you can toss it in a food processor, but not for too long, or it will become powdered sugar. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ Two biologists are in the field following the tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first biologist starts taking off his heavy leather hiking boots and pulls a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack. The second biologist gives him a puzzled look and says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replies, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? We both know you can't outrun a full-grown grizzly bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!" ----------- Must have been a black bear. Adult grizzlies don`t climb trees. They pull or push them over. | | An interesting site about Bird Life International. |
The whole neighborhood shook from the ear splitting explosion in a nearby Pharmacy. As 911 was called, shopkeepers ran outside to see what happened, people spotted the pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building. His white uniform was now scorched black. He looked like Frankenstein. He went up to a shaken and shivering old lady standing nearby. "Lady!" he said, "Would you please ask your doctor to write that prescription again. And this time insist he better PRINT IT!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 4, in 1791 Britain's Observer newspaper was first published. 1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. 1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to attend the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the first chief executive to travel to Europe while in office. 1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the dismantling of the Works Progress Administration. The program had been created in order to provide jobs during the Great Depression. WWII provided enough jobs. 1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first time during World War II. 1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced that any club was free to employ black players. 1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board. 1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter. 1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire, crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later. 1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman mayor when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had been murdered. 1979 For the second time, the United Nations Security Council voted unanimously to urge Iran to free American hostages that had been taken on November 4. 1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador two days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were later convicted of the murders. 1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was shot down and captured by Syria. 1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a Kuwaiti airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land in Tehran. Two American passengers were killed by the hijackers. 1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their 89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising. 1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt. 1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was holding. 1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was released after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon. 1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations. 1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops to lead a mercy mission to Somalia. 1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes formally adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing an estimated 1,000 people per day. 1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN peacekeepers they were holding as insurance against further NATO airstrikes. 2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another motorist in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the other motorists face while pulling off the man's glasses. 2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in an ongoing two year international investigation into drug trafficking, satellite service pilfering and money laundering. Some satellite equipment was taken from Simpson's home and no drugs were found. 2017 Do smiled. |
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