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Today's International Bonehead Award: NY businessman demanded kosher meals after mile-high hooker romp to bribe cops Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 30, in More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. --- Woody Allen Was he talking about Al Gore, or WhatsHisName? It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Only drug dealers and software companies call their customers 'users.' --- Socratex. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Helloooou, Sandy," whereupon Sandy broke up in roaring laughter. "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister." >From Hilla I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order, like it should be. ______________________________________________________ At most universities some students operate a "bank" of term papers and other assignments. Nowadays you just buy a photocopy, but when I went to University you rented a hand typed copy for $5, and got $4 back if the number of smudges and beer stains had not increased noticeably. If it didn't come back or looked too badly abused, the $4 went to whoever typed up a fresh copy from the original. Officially the renter was just supposed to use the rented papers "for inspiration and as an example". Yeah, right. A similar system is in operation at the unnamed New England university where this story happened: There were papers to suit all needs and as it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade and C grade. A student who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than his assignment, went to the "bank" and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for an inconspicious C, retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it should have had an A, and now I am glad to give it one!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by NY businessman demanded kosher meals after mile-high hooker romp to bribe cops They went from porking to kosher. The Orthodox Jewish businessman who allegedly ordered up a wild, sex-fueled plane ride to Las Vegas as a bribe for NYPD favors demanded rabbi-certified food for the return trip, The Post has learned. Real-estate investor Jona Rechnitz who shelled out $59,000 for the round-trip travel requested kosher deli sandwiches and a fruit platter for the groups flight to Teterboro, NJ. But airline manifests show the same six passengers got standard stock meals for the outbound flight, where call girl Gabi Grecko said she had group sex with the men, including now-disgraced Deputy Inspector James Grant. Click through for her Instagram page E-mails obtained by The Post also show Rechnitz, who sources have said is cooperating with the feds in a bid for leniency, griped about having to pay the government its share for the shady getaway. Tax is 2k each way??? he wrote on Jan. 31, 2013, two days before the trip to Sin City. Tax is 7.5 %, replied Keli McCabe-LaCrete of the Apollo Jets charter company. The Post revealed the details of the cross-country trip on Friday after speaking exclusively with Grecko, who is identified in court papers as Prostitute-1. Grecko has said Rechnitzs pal, Jeremy Reichberg, directed the kinky action on the plane. Hed call me a dirty slut while smacking my a--, she recalled. She also said she was paid a paltry $1,500 for the trip, because the men placed a big bet on the San Francisco 49ers, who lost Super Bowl XLVII to the Baltimore Ravens, 34-31. She spoke briefly to reporters before a Friday meeting with her lawyer, saying her role in the alleged gifts-for-favors scheme was very embarrassing. It was a dark time in my life. I had to support myself, and I had no other way to pay rent, she said. Its not something Im proud of, and I definitely dont want it to define me or my career. I am a designer and a reality-TV star, etc., she added. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ina RE: Fuzzy zoom pictures Dear Webby, I got a good digital camera that takes excellent pictures unless I use the zoom. Then things get fuzzy. Since it's the same lens, what's the problem? Ina Dear Ina Most likely your hand is not quite as steady as you think it is. Use a sturdy tripod for zoom shots. Don't waste your money on cheap, lightweight tripods unless you have a wireless remote control for the camera. For professional quality pictures get a wooden surveyor's tripod. Not metal, real wood! Second best is fiberglass. Wood dampens vibrations from wind or the ground. Never set a tripod onto a hard road. It amplifies the tiny vibrations from the road. If you have one of those aluminum tripods that fold up really small, throw it away but keep the soft leather case. Fill the case with ice tea powder in a zip-lock plastic bag. That way you can use the case like a lead-bag and rest the camera on it. It works surprisingly well, and when you get thirsty waiting for the perfect lighting, you can make some ice tea. For really windy locations use a proper lead-bag. For that, find a really old soft leather purse with thick lining at some garage sale. Then go to a sporting goods store where they sell shotgun ammo reloading supplies and get two pounds of fine bird-shot. Fill that into the purse and glue it shut. You can then nestle the camera on the purse and you will get full zoom long distance evening shots as clear as bright daylight close-ups. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Trisha is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her sister leaned over to her. "Trisha," she gently chided, "This is not a chat room !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Delight Chocolate Cake By Benetta [237 Posts, 125 Comments] Turn a gluten free muffin mix into a nice treat for a Sunday afternoon, or make it when you want to entertain your friends. This chocolate cake has a subtle hint of coffee and whiskey, which adds to the rich flavor. Served with an extra dollop of dairy free dessert topping, this cake will make your guests think that you bought it at the local coffee shop. Imagine their surprise when they realize that you were the talented baker! Approximate Time: one hour, excluding time to cool off before decorating Yield: 10-12 slices of yummy cake Turn a gluten free muffin mix into a nice treat for a Sunday afternoon, or make it when you want to entertain your friends. This chocolate cake has a subtle hint of coffee and whiskey, which adds to the rich flavor. Served with an extra dollop of dairy free dessert topping, this cake will make your guests think that you bought it at the local coffee shop. Imagine their surprise when they realize that you were the talented baker! Approximate Time: one hour, excluding time to cool off before decorating Yield: 10-12 slices of yummy cakeDouble Delight Chocolate Cake Ingredients: 375 g Organic gluten free chocolate muffin mix 125 ml milk cooking oil 60 ml Scotch whiskey 30 ml instant coffee powder, dissolved in 10 ml hot water 5 ml eggs 2 non-stick cooking spray To decorate: 250 ml dairy free dessert topping, grated dark chocolate and small chocolate balls Steps: Preheat the oven to 350 F. Add all the ingredients to a bowl. Use a wooden spoon to mix well together. Lightly grease a 9" bread loaf pan with non-stick cooking spray. Spoon the mixture into the pan. Bake for 40 minutes, or until a test skewer comes out clean when inserted into the middle. Allow to cool off completely before decorating. Use an electric whisk to whip the dessert topping until it forms stiff peaks and holds its shape well. Use a piping bag to pipe small cream rosettes on the cake. Add the chocolate balls to the top of the cream rosettes. Sprinkle a thick layer of grated chocolate on top. Serve with a dollop of dessert topping and strong filter coffee. ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ A four year old boy ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mom, you know." "I know," said the child, "but this store is full of moms, and I didn't want to have 5 gazillion moms running after me, telling me that they are not my mom." ___________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. The minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband ?" And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife ?" and my Mom said, "He better!" ____________________________________________________ Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven. Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves. One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities." Saint Peter says, "Enter." The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people." Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven. The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care." Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too." As the HMO manager walks by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for 3 days." ____________________________________________________ | Today on June 30 1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum. 1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train. 1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope. 1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for Japanese aid. 1908 An explosion in Siberia, which knocked down trees in a 40-mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles away. It was believed by some scientists to be caused by a fragment from a meteorite, which has since been found. 1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and Spain. It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War. 1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended when the French failed to take Vimy Ridge. 1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, the British deputy for Northern Ireland. 1930 France pulled its troops out of Germanys Rhineland. 1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the SA and bringing to power the SS in the "Night of the Long Knives." 1936 Margaret Mitchells book, "Gone with the Wind," was published in New York City. 1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into Korea and authorizes the draft. 1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 1955 The U.S. began funding West Germanys rearmament with US made weaponry. 1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union. 1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The three cosmonauts were found dead inside. 1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition to the B-1 bomber. 1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could outlaw homosexual acts between consenting adults. 2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to give the same legal validity to an electronic signature as a signature in pen and ink. 2016 Do smiled. |
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