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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, August 30, 2022 Thank yoou, Nancy! Thank you Kenneth! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 30, in 1996. An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull snapped. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Aurora man gets 25 year sentence in sex assault case ____________________________________________________ My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing. --- Jessica Alba The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. --- Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950) The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw _________________________________________________ A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe. _________________________________________________ Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize the arguing after every football game about who should have won !" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jose C. Salinas, 42, Aurora, Illinois, USA Aurora man gets 25 year sentence in sex assault case An Aurora man has been sentenced to 25 years in a sexual assault case in Kane County. 42-year-old Jose C. Salinas had earlier pleaded guilty to aggravated criminal sexual assault. The Kane County State's Attorney says Salinas sexually assaulted the victim multiple times between April 2010 and June 2013. Prosecutors say Salinas knew the victim. Salinas will need to serve 85 percent of his sentence. He'll get credit for 443 days served in the Kane County Jail. Assistant State's Attorney Hillary Sadler says it took the victim eight years to muster the courage to report the crimes against her. She wants all victims of sexual assault to know when they are ready to talk the state's attorney's office is ready to listen. _____________________________________________________ Lance Rath Long tailed weasel I have walked this same nature park literally hundreds of times over the past few years. In that span I have seen a weasel 3 times, and each of those times for never more than a second or two. Today, this particular one was very curious with me, and while still cautious, allowed me to get a great couple pictures! I was thrilled. Long-tailed Weasel (I believe) in Calgary today before it rained. Lance Rath __________________________________________________ A guy meets a childhood pal. "What are you doing for yourself these days?" "I'm a fireman." "Oh yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman." "Well, if you want some good advice, you've got to install in your house a pole that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, 'cause the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night." Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again. "Well, did your son become a fireman?" "No, but I have two daughters who are pole dancers." _____________________________________________________ >From Rose When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra." _____________________________________________________ Owl with 2 chicks in the Sonora desert ___________________________________________________ It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!" _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walter RE: Gadgets on W10 Hi Dear Webby, when I right click on my Windows 10 desktop the 'Gadgets' item is not there. I like the idea of an analog clock and would like to install it on my laptop. Where can I find it? Thanks as always for your never ending help. Walter Dear Walter I have decided that life is too short for putting up with W10, and got cheap W7 Refurbs. SO I looked up how to revive the gadgets on your W10: Windows Desktop Gadgets Windows Desktop Gadgets is a free solution that will help to bring back the Windows 7 desktop gadgets that you loved to modern versions of Windows, including Windows 10. https://windows.gadgethacks.com/how-to/bring-desktop- gadgets-windows-10-0163567/ Download Windows Desktop Gadgets Installer for free (.zip) Installation is quick and easyjust follow the simple on- screen instructions and you should be up and running in less than a minute. Scroll down on that page until you see what I pasted here. HaveFUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Owl with 2 chicks in the Sonora desert ___________________________________________________ A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows." ___________________________________________________ A clerk in a bakery notices a customer carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. "What would you like?" the clerk asks. "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish," the customer says. With a sigh he adds, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin." _____________________________________________________ Lisel Sean Mascaluk-family Maybe I can reach it if I just lean forward a bit more. This Blue Jay was trying its best to reach for a peanut in Camrose. ___________________________________________________ The company where my brother worked had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, he knew it would be a wrong number. It got to the point where, as soon as the phone rang, he would pick up and say, "Psychic Hotline. I'm sorry, but you have dialed the wrong number." The callers would often reply with something like, "I didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialed the wrong... Oh!" (Click) _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, August 30, in 1146. European leaders outlawed the crossbow. The Swiss told them where to stuff THAT idea. 1645. American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New York. 1682. William Penn sailed from England and later established the colony of Pennsylvania in America. 1780. General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender the West Point fort to the British army. 1809. Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils near Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after nearby Mt. Burgess. 1862. The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA. 1928. The Independence of India League was established in India. 1941. During World War II, the Nazis severed the last railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the Soviet Union. 1945. General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation headquarters in Japan. 1951. The Philippines and the United States signed a defense pact. 1956. In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened. 1960. A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East Germany. 1963. The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went into operation. 1965. Thurgood Marshall was confirmed by the U.S. Senate as a Supreme Court justice. Marshall was the first black justice to sit on the Supreme Court. 1982. P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece. 1983. The space shuttle Challenger blasted off with Guion S. Bluford Jr. aboard. He was the first black American to travel in space. 1984. The space shuttle Discovery lifted off for the first time. On the voyage three communications satellites were deployed. 1991. The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its independence. 1994. Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper. Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement. 1994. The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to a merger. 1996. An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull snapped. 1999. The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result on September 4. 2002. Conoco Inc. and Phillips Petroleum merged to create ConocoPhillips. The new company was the third largest integrated energy company and the second largest refining company in the U.S. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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