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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Boulder dine-and-dash suspect arrested after he left phone full of child porn. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 20, in 1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ No man ever listened himself out of a job. --- Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933) Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is a groaner to be read out loud: There once was a church meeting where the topic was "Burial or Cremation?" Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other, If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!" The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized old bones, so if you have yourself buried,all you will be doing . . . is making a fuel of yourself!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, "Cure it? I want it to be permanent!" ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bryan James Elrod, 42, Boulder, Colorado Boulder dine-and-dash suspect arrested after he left phone full of child porn. A Boulder man was arrested Thursday after police say he left a downtown restaurant without paying his bill but did leave behind a cell phone that turned up hundreds of images of child pornography and visits to child pornography websites. Bryan James Elrod, 42, was arrested on suspicion of 13 counts of sexual exploitation of a child with possession of more than 20 images, a Class 3 felony. According to an arrest affidavit, Boulder police were called to Old Chicago, 1102 Pearl St., on Oct. 9 after a customer left without paying his $37.81 bill but left behind a cellphone. When the manager turned on the phone to try to identify its owner, the browser was already opened to a site containing what appeared to be child pornography. Police took possession of the phone and determined that it belonged to Elrod before securing a warrant on Nov. 19 to search its contents. Investigators checked the browser history and found that "the majority of the websites visited were for pornography," and that many of them were sites containing child pornography, according to the affidavit. In addition, investigators found more than 8,000 images saved on the phone, most of them pornography. Of those photos, detectives said they found 267 images that were "obviously sexually explicit photographs of children," ranging in ages from toddler through early puberty. Detectives said they also found many other photographs of females possibly under the age of 18, but did not include them in the count of child pornography because they could not be sure they were minors. According to the affidavit, Elrod has an extensive criminal history mostly in Boulder and Denver that includes charges for fraud, theft, forgery, reckless endangerment, assault, DUI, escape from custody, shoplifting and probation and parole violations. Detectives discovered that Elrod had been arrested just days after he was alleged to have left the phone at Old Chicago on suspicion of parole violations. Elrod is currently on parole for a Logan County case, and his parole officer was concerned about him because he was not working since his release and was spending "most of his time drinking." The officer said Elrod had been staying at a motel in Longmont. A warrant for Elrod's arrest was issued and executed on Thursday, and he remains at the Boulder County Jail. Court records indicate he has not had a hearing set yet to determine bond. The warrant also indicates Elrod will not be allowed to have any contact with anyone under the age of 18 if released on bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank, Bob and others Re: Gethuman Dear Webby What happened to the getHuman link in the SideMenu? I wrote to them and Adam promptly responded. Just go to http://gethuman.com and type in the name of the compnay that you need a Human connection with instead of long and silly voice menus. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to. "I'm worried. I don't know who my son can hang out with. He doesn't have the kind of money all the other students have." The dean replied, " He can hang out with the faculty." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Country Ham and Cheese Biscuits These hearty biscuits can be kept in the freezer for a quick heat-and-eat breakfast. Ingredients 2 cups self-rising flour 1/4 cup shortening 1 cup sour cream 1/4 cup milk or buttermilk 1 cup country ham, cooked, chopped fine 1 cup shredded cheese (Cheddar, Swiss, Colby, Provolone, or your choice) Directions In mixing bowl, combine flour with shortening. Using pastry blender, two forks, or clean hands, cut the shortening into the flour until the mixture resembles very coarse crumbs. Add sour cream, milk, ham, shredded cheese and mix just until combined. Turn onto floured board and knead two or three times, then flip to flour the other side. Pat dough into half inch thickness. Cut with preferred size cutter and place biscuits on lightly greased or sprayed baking sheet, with edges just touching. Bake at 450 degrees F for 8-12 minutes or until golden brown. Serve just as is or accompanied by jam, jelly, or honey. These are delicious served warm from the oven, but they also freeze remarkably well for a quick breakfast or snack any time! Just allow to cool completely and place in gallon size zip-top bag in freezer. Warm individual biscuits in the microwave for 30-60 seconds (depending on microwave, do not overheat or they will toughen). A note here about cheese: the amount of cheese can be reduced by half for the sake of thriftiness, but the full amount of cheese will of course make a richer biscuit. Source: Adapted from "Tennessee Farm and Home" magazine. By Shawna from Paris, TN ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?" >From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses. Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?" "A Paramedic." ___________________________________________________ | I couldn't wait until Christmas to share it |
____________________________________________________ A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started to discuss the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." "I know!" said a third... "They use it to find the fire hydrant!" ____________________________________________________ One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over at the cow barn." "Well, I have some important items to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't...He's the one without horns." ____________________________________________________ | 17th Century Romanian salt mine converted into a wild tourist attraction. |
| Today on March 20 0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet 1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of his father Henry IV. 1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 1602 The United Dutch East Indian Company (VOC) was formed. 1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to seek gold in Guyana. 1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting Protestantism. 1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took possession of the Peacock throne. 1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the guillotine. 1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey, and advanced into Cairo. 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from Elba and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 1852 Harriet Beecher Stowes book "Uncle Toms Cabin," subtitled "Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans and did not appear at the Soldiers Home near Washington, DC. 1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of $14,000. 1883 The Unity treaty of Paris was signed to protect industrial property. 1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing machine. 1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial operation. 1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in Dayton, OH. 1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. citizens in the wake of a revolution. 1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first woman to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to death for the murder of her stepdaughter. 1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the Western Front. 1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American aid to rebuild their army. 1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops back from the Rhineland. 1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first aircraft carrier for the U.S. Navy. 1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first flight to South America on regular schedule. 1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau. 1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany. 1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air raid on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces on the Mareth Line in North Africa. 1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the South Atlantic. 1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded. 1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was established. 1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson orders 4,000 troops to protect the Selma-Montgomery civil rights marchers. 1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close all bases in Taiwan. 1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her role in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to eight years in a convent. 1982 U.S. scientists' return from Antarctica with the first land mammal fossils found there. 1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken prayer in public schools. 1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog race becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of South African rule. 1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, embezzlement and bribery. 1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers could not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic chemicals could potentially damage a fetus. 1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border of Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK). 1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 others were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas Sarin was released on five separate subway trains. The terrorists belonged to a doomsday cult in Japan. 1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow Disease). 2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known as H. Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left a sherriff's deputy dead. 2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C. 2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had shredded documents and deleted computer files related to the energy company Enron. 2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys Group INc. for $500 million in stock. 2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait. 2016 Do smiled. |
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