Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, March 19 ___________________________________________________ Today, March 19 in 1948 Lee Savold knocked out Gino Buonvino in 54 seconds of the first round of their prize fight at Madison Square Gardens. ______________________________________________________ An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Brit Doctor watched porn on work PC after wife stopped him watching it on home computer __________________________________________ A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. "You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand." "No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it." "Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!" And the young farmer said, "Well, he's under the load of hay." __________________________________________ __________________________________________ A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that he had been stealing building supplies for years from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take?" his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake." "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?" "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But, if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Professor Peter Davies 70, Liverpool, England Brit Doctor watched porn on work PC after wife stopped him watching it on home computer A doctor could be struck off after he admitted using his hospital computer to watch hardcore pornography. Professor Peter Davies, 70, an expert in tuberculosis, used his work computer after his wife put filters on his personal PC to stop him watching porn at home. Police were called in after NHS officials checked his machine at the Liverpool Heart and Chest Hospital and found he had viewed images of someone having sex with a horse and a dog. A chief finance officer came across inappropriate browsing activity in December 2018 and it was linked to Prof Davies computer so he was suspended before being dismissed for gross misconduct. He said that he had looked at the images out of curiosity but admitted he had a problem. He received a police caution and was reported to the General Medical Council, which is set to take place today and could end his lengthy career in medicine. Prof Davies said that he had been addicted to pornography since he was 18 when he bought magazines as a youngster, and had been getting counselling DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Spreadsheet lines Hi Dear Webby. thank you for quick response. I am using O O, which I should have mentioned. I can't locate the button with the sidelines. I just want the grid lines to show when printing the page. Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter Dear Walter File NEW Spreadsheet Scroll WAY over to the right till you see the crosdsdhairs. That lets you choose what kind of grid lines you want, horizontal, vertical, both, just the selection, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
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_____________________________________________ My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, my neighbor said, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's." _____________________________________________ A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too." ____________________________________________ An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found four males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required, so get the hell out of the car. The four men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat. Small problem, her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly white women. No charges were filed. ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 19 in 1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila. 1628 The Massachusetts colony was founded by Englishmen. 1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court committed suicide. 1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men while searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River, in the Gulf of Mexico. 1702 Upon the death of William III of Orange, Anne Stuart, the sister of Mary, succeeds to the throne of England, Scotland and Ireland. 1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews the right to colonize in the U.S. 1775 Poland & Prussia signed a trade agreement. 1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The City Bank of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery. 1865 The Battle of Bentonville took place. The Confederates retreated from Greenville, NC. 1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool killing 738. 1879 Jim Currie opened fire on the actors Maurice Barrymore and Ben Porter near Marshall, TX. The shots wounded Barrymore and killed Porter. 1895 The Los Angeles Railway was established to provide streetcar service. 1900 U.S. President McKinley asserted that there was a need for free trade with Puerto Rico. 1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of Knossos Palace in Greece. 1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining naval bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda. 1905 French explorer S. de Segonzac was taken prisoner by Moroccans. 1906 Reports from Berlin estimated the cost of the German war in S.W. Africa at $150 million. 1908 The state of Maryland barred Christian Scientists from practicing without medical diplomas. 1915 Pluto was photographed for the first time. However, it was not known at the time. 1917 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Adamson Act that made the eight-hour workday for railroads constitutional. 1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time. 1918 A slow German seaplane was shot down for the first time by an American pilot. 1920 The U.S. Senate rejected the Versailles Treaty for the second time maintaining an isolation policy. 1924 U.S. troops were rushed to Tegucigalpa as rebel forces took the Honduran capital. 1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling. 1940 The French government of Daladier fell. 1942 The Thoroughbred Racing Association was formed in Chicago. 1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze planes attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan. 1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered the destruction of German facilities that could fall into Allied hands as German forces were retreating. 1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of Yenan, the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party. 1948 Lee Savold knocked out Gino Buonvino in 54 seconds of the first round of their prize fight at Madison Square Gardens. 1949 The Soviet People's Council signed the constitution of the German Democratic Republic, and declared that the North Atlantic Treaty was merely a war weapon. 1954 Viewers saw the first televised prize fight shown in color when Joey Giardello knocked out Willie Tory in round seven at Madison Square Garden in New York City. 1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was tested in Alamogordo, NM. 1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six Latin American presidents pledged to fight Communism. 1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies. 1965 Rembrandt's "Titus" sold for $7,770,000. 1968 Students at Howard University seized an administration building. 1969 Britain invaded Anguilla. 1972 India and Bangladesh signed a friendship treaty. 1976 Buckingham Palace announced the separation of Princess Margaret and her husband, the Earl of Snowdon, after 16 years of marriage. 1977 Congo President Marien Ngouabi was killed by a suicide commando. 1977 France performed a nuclear test at Muruora Island. 1981 During a test of the space shuttle Columbia two workers were injured and one was killed. 1981 The Buffalo Sabres set an NHL record when they scored 9 goals in one period against Toronto. 1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into the Columbia River. 1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the PCjr consumer-oriented computer. 1985 The U.S. Senate voted to authorize production of the MX missile. 1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to a scandal involving Jessica Hahn. 1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a funeral in Belfast, North Ireland. The soldiers were shot to death after being dragged from a car and beaten. 1990 Latvia's political opposition claimed victory in the republic's first free elections in 50 years. 1990 The first world ice hockey tournament for women was held in Ottawa. 1991 Brett Hull, of the St. Louis Blues, became the third National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 80 goals in a season. 1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 eggs in Yokohama, Japan. 1998 The World Health Organization warned of tuberculosis epidemic that could kill 70 million people in next two decades. 1999 53 people were killed and dozens were injured when a bomb exploded in a market place in southern Russia. 2000 Vector Data Systems conducted a simulation of the 1993 Branch Davidian siege in Waco, TX. The simulation showed that the government had not fired first. 2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered the first of two days of rolling blackouts. 2002 Operation Anaconda, the largest U.S.-led ground offensive since the Gulf War, ended in eastern Afghanistan. During the operation, which began on March 2, it was reported that at least 500 Taliban and al Qaeda fighters were killed. Eleven allied troops were killed during the same operation. 2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S. forces had launched a strike against "targets of military opportunity" in Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and precision-guided bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought to be near Baghdad. 2020 Do smiled. |
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