Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, December 31 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Armed men used prior resident's key to rob Clovis apartment ___________________________________________________ Today, December 31 in 1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the start of 1979. _____________________________________________________ The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Bloom where you are planted. --- Socratex "Nature magically suits a man to his fortunes, by making them the fruit of his character." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dr. Connie for this report: What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: "This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you. "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time. --or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit. "We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. "Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that I can prescribe something for. "Let me schedule you for some tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab. "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. "That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up. "This may smart a little." Last week two patients bit off their tongues. "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here? "This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. "Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. "I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one. "There is a lot of that going around." That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this. "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week. _____________________________________________________ Happy New Year, Do! and all the best for 2021 ___________________________________________________ Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brianna Houston, 19, Jaan Pinedo, 18, Angel Ramirez, 18, John Searless, 19, Jonathan Simmavong, 22. USA Armed men used prior resident's key to rob Clovis apartment Five people were arrested after police say they plotted to rob an apartment and stole thousands of dollars worth of items and cash earlier this month. Clovis police say Brianna Houston, 19, was a former tenant who lived in an apartment unit on Clovis Avenue and Santa Ana Avenue. She gave five men the key to the place so they could rob the current resident. On December 11, the men went into the apartment and tied up the person living inside. Four of the suspects were armed with semi- automatic weapons. Police say they took the victim's designer clothing and shoes, 1,400 marijuana vape pens worth around $64,000 and cash. Detectives arrested Jaan Pinedo, 18, Angel Ramirez, 18, John Searless, 19, and Jonathan Simmavong, 22. They also found the stolen items and recovered the zip ties and weapons used during the robbery. Pinedo, Ramirez, Searless and Smmavong were charged with robbery, kidnapping, false imprisonment, assault with a firearm and conspiracy. Officials say Houston was also arrested and faces robbery, conspiracy and false imprisonment charges. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Claudie Re: Transferring pix from camera Dear Webby, What is better, to take the chip out of a camera and use a chip reader to transfer the pictures to the computer, or plug the camera directly into the computer? Claudie Dear Claudie If you use a cheap chip reader, the transfer speed is much higher and the camera batteries are not affected. I use a $12 chip reader for about 25 years now. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the towels." ____________________________________________ Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the hostess. Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented, "These are very good! You must have a very good camera." He didn't make any comment, however, as he was leaving to go home he said, "That was a really delicious meal, Millie!" "Thank you!" she replied enthusiastically. Then Morris added, "You must have a very good stove!" ____________________________________________ Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 31 in 1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape of Good Hope, where they would later create the South African wine industry with the vines they took with them on the voyage. 1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in many windows being bricked up. 1711 The Duke of Marlborough was dismissed as commander-in-chief. 1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. Montgomery was killed in the battle. 1841 The State of Alabama enacted the first dental legislation in the U.S. 1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the capital of Canada. 1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive numbers of arrivals. 1897 Brooklyn, NY, spent its last day as a separate entity before becoming part of New York City. 1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben. 1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of hostilities in World War II. 1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn more than one billion dollars in a single year. 1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender. 1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after distributing more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold for the first time in more than 40 years. 1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S. 1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the start of 1979. 1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers later pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire. 1996 NCR Corp. became an independent company. 1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on December 24. 1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880. 2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the public. 2020 Do smiled. |
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