Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, August 9 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Jacksonville man arrested for molesting teen inside church Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 9 in 1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Genuine goodness is threatening to those at the opposite end of the moral spectrum. --- Charles Spencer Don't discuss yourself, for you are bound to lose; if you belittle yourself, you are believed; if you praise yourself, you are disbelieved. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of wind blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown down the street, but he is an old man, using a cane, and he can't walk fast enough to catch the hat. Across the street a young man sees what has happened ! and rushes over to grab the hat and returns it to the rabbi. "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat," says the rabbi. "Thank you very much." The rabbi then places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God bless you." The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the rabbi. This must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the racetrack, and in the first race he sees there is a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50, and sure enough, the horse comes in first. In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1, so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. Finally, at the end of the day, he returns home to his wife. When she asks him where he's been, he explains how he caught the rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to the track and started winning on horses that had a hat in their names. "So where's the money?" she asks. "I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named Chateau and it lost." "You fool, Chateau is a house; Chapeau is a hat!" "It doesn't matter," he said. "The winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmulke." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ While awaiting the arrival of our "puddle jumper" airplane for the return flight across Jamaica to the major airport, I sat wringing my hands and trying to quiet the butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of the tiny airplane and a very bumpy flight. Suddenly, an old fire truck began speeding down the runway, toward the arriving airplane, with sirens blaring. Frantic now, I implored the ticket agent to tell me what was happening. She calmly answered, "Oh they just do that to clear the chickens off the runway." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Browning, 59, Jacksonville, Florida Jacksonville man arrested for molesting teen inside church The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office announced the arrest of a Jacksonville man for lewd or lascivious battery, molestation and transmission of material harmful to minors. Robert Browning, 59, is accused of having an inappropriate relationship with a person under the age of 16. According to the report from JSO, the minor and Browning exchanged nude photographs. The report said Browning and the victim engaged in consensual oral sex and that Browning conducted lewd molestation on the victim. Text messages from the phones were retrieved, revealing contestation about the relationship, the report said. The incident is alleged to have occurred inside the Cedar Creek Baptist Church in Jacksonville. Browning had worked at the school and church for 6 years. He has been fired. The pastor, John Montgomery, said news of the arrest was a "total shock." Out of all the people who we have hired, out of these many many years, he would have been the last person that I would have thought to have done something like this," Montgomery said. "He never gave any appearance of this." From: Tina Re: Hidden phishing URLs in Outlook Dear Webby, I know you warned us about Outlook not showing dangerous URLs and only the phony nicknames in spoofs and phishing emails, but the boneheads at Telus are not competent enough to support anything except Outlook and Outlook Express. At one time, all they supported was Eudora, but those days are as gone as cheap gas and my sexy looks. Is there ANY way at all to trick Outlook into showing whether for example the nickname "eBay.com" links to eBay or to some crook in Russia or Romania? Thanks Tina Dear Tina I got a lot of mails like yours, and I spent a lot of time searching. However, it seems that, when those programs were written, making them "cute and bimbo-proof" was the top and only priority. Nobody knows of a setting to make them act like standard email programs. However, I found a third party patch that will fix that problem. It is called Blue Fur Phish Finder and is available at BuleFur Phish Phinder However, if you are serious about eliminating all scams, get Mail Washer. It not only shows the secret underlying real email, checks the content for malicious or phony stuff, and flags it OK or ready to send to hell, You can, of course, look over the recommended actions and take the delete flag off a mail that was erroneously flagged. You can also make filters so that it dumps certain mails without listing them. For example, if you are fed up with Publishers Clearing House and never want to see their emails again, then you make a filter to automatically dump those mails, without showing them in the list. The same goes for foreign spam. If you don't speak or read Korean or Russian, you can block mails using those languages or coming from those countries. It is like an intellectual game, you and Mailwasher against the scammers and spammers. It is pretty good already as is, but as you customize it it gets more precise every time you touch it. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Sunday dress?" The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes . . and my mom says it's a summana-bitch to iron." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue. "You got laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically. "Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Makeshift Knife Sharpener In a pinch, you can sharpen a knife on the bottom of a ceramic coffee mug. Hold the blade at a slight angle and sharpen it on the unglazed ring on the bottom of the mug. It's not ideal, but it will work. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Five of the world's most fascinating small towns. |
___________________________________________________ Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair that is safe to use." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the other passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???" The old man sofly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?" The passenger , terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!" "Well give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!", rolling up the window in terror. Now with the speedometer showing about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?" The driver says, "I don't know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. "aaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger yells. "Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakely says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. He throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now doing about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out in sheer terror, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The old man gently replies, "Do you guys want some help getting out of the mud???" ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 9 in 1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three- year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American flag around the world. 1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 1842 The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton Treaty, which solved a border dispute. 1848 Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY. 1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph. 1893 "Gut Holz" was published. It was America's first bowling magazine. 1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing machine. 1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created by Max Fleischer. 1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in one Olympics. 1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not released until 1944. 1942 CBS radio debuted "Our Secret Weapon." 1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council created "Smokey the Bear." 1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000 people were killed. Conventional bombing of Tokyo continued. Japan surrendered August 14. 1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of Nagasaki, Japan. 1956 The first statewide, state-supported educational television network went on the air in Alabama. 1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the Malaysian Federation. 1973 The U.S. Senate committee investigating the Watergate affair filed suit against President Richard Nixon. 1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of the U.S. 1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when the Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles Kings. 1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for the second time. 1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time in 17 months. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would support federal funding for limited medical research on embryonic stem cells. 2004 Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 2018 Do smiled. |
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