Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, September 14 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Maryland man charged with burning pregnant woman  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 14 in 1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon Bonaparte's troops invaded. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time. --- Edith Wharton ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Jack One of the young ladies at work had just gotten married the previous weekend and was telling everyone about the ceremony, I interruped her by saying: "One good thing about a Marriage License, If you don't like married life after two years, don't renew your license". I almost got killed Monday morning after her new husband and the new bride looked it up. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. The plane had a layover in Sacramento. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in one hour. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Another man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the gentleman was blind because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for an hour, would you like to get off and stretch your legs? " The blind man replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs." Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! True story....Have a great day and remember... Things aren't always as they appear. ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Laquinn Phillips, 34, Southeast Washington, Maryland  Maryland man charged with burning pregnant woman  A 34-year-old man accused in Prince George's County of setting a pregnant woman on fire has been identified, and police said the victim and her newborn child are both in critical condition at a hospital. Laquinn Phillips, 34, of Southeast Washington, has been charged with attempted first- and second-degree murder, arson, assault, and several additional related charges. Police said he had a relationship with the victim. He is being held in the District pending extradition to Maryland. The incident occurred about 11:45 a.m. Friday in the 1400 block of Elkwood Lane in Capitol Heights. Police and firefighters reported finding the female victim outside suffering from severe burns. She had fled an apartment seeking help. Police said officers in the District arrested Phillips outside his home in Southeast Washington after he agreed to surrender. he victim's baby was delivered after she went to the hospital. Authorities said the woman suffered burns over a large part of her body. The man accused of lighting a pregnant woman on fire in Maryland had been in an ongoing dispute with her over keeping the baby, according to the woman's father. The woman and her daughter, who was born seven weeks premature, are recuperating and expected to remain hospitalized for some time, said Arthur Grinage, who identified the woman as his daughter. The woman identified her ex-boyfriend as the person who burned her and told authorities that he indicated he would harm other members of her family, according to Prince George's County police. Authorities tracked down the man the woman identified and arrested him outside his home, police said. Laquinn Phillips, 34, of Southeast Washington has been charged with attempted murder, arson, assault and other related charges.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Reason Core Security Dear Webby, i have a ? about Reason core security, the trial for that has expired and i really dont want to purchase it,is there a free one out there that does about the same thing or do i really need it? tyvm for all the help,sorry to bother you again Richi  Dear Richi That program is a Broom Hilda! It accuses the real anti-malware programs of being malware, produces fake news about nonexistent threats, gives you a warm feeling when you crap your pants when real malware infects your machine, and is just generally bad news. Use the Revo UNinstaller to get rid of every last little bit of that. On a scale, where Malwarebytes gets 100, Reason Core Security gets -2. According to everything I read about it, Reason Core Security is worse than nothing at all. If your machine is not worth the cost of Malwarebytes, get free AVG. AVG is not as good as Malwarebytes, but at least it is not actively bad like that Reason Core Security. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 A priest was vested in his surplice and cassock ready to proceed at the beginning of the service. His surplice was very ornate, and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. Lance, new in town and just trying to make contacts, touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress, but your purse is on fire!" 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Japanese Potato Salad By attosa [411 Posts, 2,147 Comments] Total Time: 1 hour Yield: 8 servings Link: Easy way to peel potatoes Ingredients: 2 lb golden potatoes 1/2 English cucumber, thinly sliced 1/2 carrot, peeled and thinly sliced 1/3 red onion, thinly sliced 2 green onions, white and light green parts only, sliced salt for boiling and seasoning pepper to taste 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1 Tbsp rice vinegar 2 tsp spicy mustard 1 Tbsp sugar Steps: To make potato peeling easier, cut a line around each potato, making sure not to cut deeper than the skin. Put the potatoes in a pot of cold, salted water so the water is covering the top of the potatoes. Bring to a simmer and cook until a fork poked into them goes in without resistance, about 15 minutes. Drain the potatoes in a colander. To blanch the carrots, drop in a pot of boiling water for about two minutes. Don't over boil, they should still have a slight crunch. Shock in a bowl of very cold water to stop the cooking process, then drain. Sprinkle cucumber slices lightly with sea salt, mix with your hands making sure the salt coats them evenly. Set aside for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, rinse off cucumbers and gently squeeze with paper towels to get all of the moisture out. This is a very important step and will prevent soggy potato salad. To easily remove skins from potatoes, pinch each end and the skins will come right off. In a bowl, mix together the mayonnaise, mustard, vinegar, sugar, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Add peeled potatoes to dressing and gently smash, making sure you leave some small potato chunks. Add the carrots, cucumber, red onion and green onion. Mix well. Serve straight away as slightly warm or refrigerate for an hour and serve cold. Enjoy!  Yes, I know, your version is different. This is Attosa's version. Try it, you might like it. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
Man lifts 20-ton block by hand
 ____________________________________________________  A large dog walks into a butcher's shop with a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher asks, joking around with his customers. "Want to buy some meat?" "Woof!" barks the dog. "Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak--" "Woof!" interrupts the dog. "And how much steak? Half a kilo, one kilo--" "Woof!" says the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse. As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins to scratch on the door. With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog. "Stop!" yells the butcher. "What are you doing? That's the most clever animal I've ever seen!" "Clever?" counters the man. "This is the third time this month he's forgotten his keys!" ___________________________________________________  
 
 Lonely abandoned hotels in Japan. 
 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of booze was sticking out of his coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked. "Say,Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing." The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does." 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ From Ellen Dear Webby, I sure do appreciate the work you do to give us the Humor Letter every day, and all the nice touches like comfortably sized columns and color changes to set different topics apart. Thanks for all you do Ellen  ___________________________________________ 
 Today, Sept 14, in 1807 Former U.S. Vice President Aaron Burr was acquitted of a misdemeanor charge. Two weeks earlier Burr had been found innocent of treason. 1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon Bonaparte's troops invaded. 1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," a poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD, during the War of 1812. The song became the official U.S. national anthem on March 3, 1931. 1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the leadership of General Winfield Scott. 1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first automobile fatality. 1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, at age 42, succeeded him. 1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the United States. 1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first man- made object on the moon when it crashed there. 1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 1963 Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America's first surviving quintuplets. 1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton the first U.S.-born saint. 1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting down of a Korean jet on September 1. 1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the U- ramp and set a new skateboard high jump record. 1989 Joseph T. Wesbecker shot and killed eight people and wounded twelve others at a printing plant in Louisville, KY. Wesbecker, 47 years old, was on disability for mental illness. He took his own life after the incident. 1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested its Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully destroyed a simulated target. 1999 Disney World closed down for the first time in its 28- year history. The closure was due to Hurricane Floyd heading for Florida. 2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console in Japan. 2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks on the U.S. 2009 Greyhound UK began operations as an hourly service between London and Portsmouth or Southampton. 2015 In Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA, the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors detected gravitational waves for the first time. The news was reported on February 11, 2016. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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