Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, December 17 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Fresno EX-student, 55, arrested after altercation with instructor involving a gun ____________________________________ Today, December 16 in 1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright made the flight. _____________________________________________________ It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902) _____________________________________________________ If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? _____________________________________________________ Grizzly coming at you! Grizzly in Banff Andy Elliott ___________________________________________________ A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his Life Science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Never goes sour. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes. He received an A ____________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rudolfo Brambila, 55, Fresno, California, USA Fresno EX-student, 55, arrested after altercation with instructor involving a gun Fresno Police say a Fresno City College student is in custody after he went to an instructor's house with a gun and got into a "physical disturbance" with her Thursday morning. The incident happened in Central Fresno. Witnesses tell Action News the student, who has been identified as Rudolfo Brambila, was holding the woman at gunpoint after a tense showdown in the backyard of the instructor's home. Detectives say Brambila's exact motive is still unknown, but police know he was mad about a complaint the teacher filed related to his behavior which the female instructor felt was inappropriate. Police say he had her in a headlock with a small-caliber gun to her head. Investigators also said Brambila had a backpack with zip ties and twine and had homemade body armor on. Two neighbors with law enforcement experience stepped in to help. When the police arrived at the house, the suspect surrendered to officers. Police say Brambila was carrying a backpack with handcuffs, zip ties and duct tape and was wearing improvised body armor. Guess where he will spend Christmas! DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Della Re: How do modern keyboards work? Dear Webby, You have mentioned that modern keyboards are water proof, because they have no manual switches. How do they work? Della Dear Della If you or somebody you know ever played with electronics, they likely started with a kit, that has several simple experiments included. Probably all of them have, or had, a circuit for a "Teremin". A teremin has a couple of antennas, that form the capacitor for the tone generators. If you put your hands near the antennas, the capacitance and the tone changes. You don't really get music from it, it sounds more like cats in heat caterwauling at the moon. Modern keyboards work the same. When a piece of foil embedded in the bottom of a key gets close to the circuit inside the keyboard, then that is amplified and sent to the computer as a key press signal. The key itself doesn't have a spring anymore. It is just made precise enough, so that it compresses the air in the tube, in which it sits. You can look at that when you take a tea spoon and pry off the silly CAPS-LOCK key. I usually take that silly CAPS-LOCK key and some 5 minute epoxy and glue it onto a coin operated copier at Walmart or wherever I can find one. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ >rom Bella The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, Felix, one of our guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Felix in his 18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" ____________________________________________ A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself;", lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you!" ____________________________________________ Three very pious Jews dressed in long black coats with long beards were playing golf. A guy named Mulvaney wanted to play golf and this was the only threesome in which he could play. So, he joins the Rabbis and plays 18 holes. At the end of the 18 holes, his score was 104. The Rabbis had shot 69, 70 and 72. So, he says to the Rabbis, "How come you guys shoot such good golf?" The head Rabbi says, "When you lead a religious life, and attend the right synagogue, you are rewarded." Mulvaney, a true lover of golf, thinks: "What have I got to lose?" He converts to Judaism, joins a synagogue near his home, attends services regularly and leads a holy life. About a year later, he again plays golf with the three Rabbis. He shoots a 104 and they shoot a 69, 70 and 71. He says to them, "OK, I converted, I joined a Synagogue, I observe the Torah and I still shoot a 104. What's the deal?" "What synagogue did you join?" asks the head Rabbi. "Beth Shalom" is Mulvaney's reply. The Rabbi retorted: "Schmuck, that one is for tennis!" _______________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 17 in 1777 France recognized American independence. 1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the first street to go "One Way." 1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine machine. 1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright made the flight. 1925 Col. William "Billy" Mitchell was convicted of insubordination at his court-martial. 1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the Rio de la Plata off Uruguay between six full size British battle ships and the German pocket battleship to an end. 1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of excluding Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which ensured that Japanese-Americans were released from detention camps. 1953 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) decided to approve RCAs color television specifications. 1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 1959 The film "On the Beach" premiered in New York City and in 17 other cities. It was the first motion picture to debut simultaneously in major cities around the world. 1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. 1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab guerillas hijacked a German airliner. 1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford. 1976 WTCG-TV, Atlanta, GA, changed its call letters to WTBS, and was uplinked via satellite. The station became the first commercial TV station to cover the entire U.S. 1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of 1979. 1979 Arthur McDuffie, a black insurance executive, was fatally beaten after a police chase in Miami, FL. Four white police officers were later acquitted of charges stemming from McDuffie's death. 1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit against NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link between Newton and mob figures. The reports were proven to be false. 1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a heart, lungs, and liver transplant. 1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua. He had been convicted of running guns to the Contras. 1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de Gortari signed the North American Free Trade Agreement. 1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese territory in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected militants. 1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at the Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22, 1997, with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all the rebels, two commandos and one hostage. 1996 The Red Cross pulled all but a few of its western staff out of Chechnya after six foreign aid workers were killed by masked gunmen. 1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act. The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that they took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted works and downloading them from the Internet. 1998 U.S. House Speaker-designate Bob Livingston admitted he'd had extramarital affairs. 2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have ready for use within two years a system for protecting American territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks. 2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first quarterly loss in its 47-year history. 2002 The insurance and finance company Conseco Inc. filed for Chapter 11 protection. It was the third-largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war. 2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the largest overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years. The bill aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It also created a federal counterterrorism center and a new intelligence director. 2020 Do smiled. |
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