Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, June 8 ___________________________________________________ Today, June 8 in 1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction vacuum cleaner. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Predator posed as teenage girl to get 401 boys to send naked photos ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) _____________________________________________________ The Rabbi was not happy with the constant disturbances he was having during his sermons so he decided to call on old Abe to help him solve the 'coughing problem'. Comes the next Saturday morning, the Rabbi gave old Abe a bowl of cough drops and instructions to give to any congregation member who was coughing a cough drop. So following his Rabbi's orders, every time a member coughed, old Abe gave them the cough drop and then strangely the member left the shul during the sermon. At the end of the service, half of the members were gone. After services the Rabbi calls old Abe at home and asked what he said to the members that made them leave the hall. Old Abe says, " So vat did I say ? ...All that I said wuz, the Rabbi said 'For Cough!' ". __________________________________________ He weighs 3 - 4 times as much as you! And he loves chasing people to help them lose weight. __________________________________________ The average man's life consists of twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; fifty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Utting 36, Aldershot in Hampshire, England Predator posed as teenage girl to get 401 boys to send naked photos A paedophile who posed as a teenage girl online to trick hundreds of young boys into sending him naked photos has been jailed for 10 years. James Utting pleaded guilty at Winchester Crown Court to 43 offences of possessing and distributing indecent images of children and engaging children in sexual activity relating to 11 victims. The 36-year-old, who had gathered thousands of images, also asked for a further 116 offences against 54 other victims to be taken into consideration but the court heard that there were a total of 401 individual victims on his computer dating between 2014 and 2018. They were aged between eight and 15 and from around the country including Humberside, Grimsby, Sussex, Leeds, Bradford, Southampton, Wakefield, Barnsley and Sheffield. Utting was jailed at Winchester Crown Court Judge Jane Miller QC ruled that Utting, from Aldershot in Hampshire, posed a danger to children and sentenced him to 10 years in custody with an extended licence period of five years. Prosecutor Matthew Lawson told the court Utting created a string of false social media profiles on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat using the image of a 15-year-old girl. He would entice his victims to send naked pictures or clips of them performing sex acts by sending them pornographic images purporting to be from the girl. Utting then blackmailed the boys by threatening to share the images unless they agreed to send more. The court heard he went through with the threat and sent intimate photos to friends and family members of 19 boys. Mr Lawson said some of Uttings victims could be seen crying and begging him to stop in videos sent to him. One victim, aged 14, said in a victim impact statement that paranoia was everywhere after the images were shared with other pupils at his school, adding that he felt low to the point where there was no meaning to life, I felt there was no tomorrow. His mother described Utting as an evil predator and added of her son: To watch him experience shame, hurt, paranoia, anxiety and depression was so hard. As a mother this has broken my heart and changed my view of the world forever. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Norm Re: How do keyboard keys work? Dear Webby, I know keyboards don't have levers and spring like the fast keyboards used to. How do they work? Norm Dear Norm I agree, todays keyboars are klutzy snails compared to for example a Northgate Omni-Key. I seriously loved that keyboard and will never forgive the woman, who killed it. Today's keyboards don't use physical contacts anymore. Just pry the silly Caps Lock key off with a spoon and look. You can epoxy the Caps Lock key onto the coin operated copier at Walmart. Today's keyboards have a little pneumatic piston underneath, and oftena little spring. When you push a key down, it compresses the air in the cylinder underneath, until the key is 3/4 of the way down. Then it uncoveres a hole and the compressed air escapes. That allows the key to fall down the remaining 1/4 of the travel. When it does that, a bit of metal in it comes close enough to a piece of metal inside the keyboard. Capacitance in electronic circuits changes in exact proportion to how far apart metal plates are. The circuit senses the change in capacity and sends that information to an embedded circuit, that translates it to look like a manual door bell button. The board underneath is soaked in varnish and waterproof. The stuff above the circuit box is not electrical and most keyboards nowadays won't be killed by a wet sponge or even a dish washer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the lecture topic and on to his favorite subject; the evils of marijuana. Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors about marijuana. "Used regularly, pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!" "Now wait a minute, Professor," interrupted a student. "Castration?!" "You bet son," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend uses marijuana, you're having sex, and she gets the munchies?" _____________________________________________ A tall man, Paul, over 6 feet 5 inches tall was at a function where a young woman, Judy, was very much taken with him and trying hard to flirt with him. She kept making eyes at him and smiling and then she suddenly said to him. "Tell me are you in proportion all over!" He replied, "No unfortunately not, if I was, I would be 8 feet 7." She instantly fell in love with him. _____________________________________________ A 420lb woman has won an alternative beauty contest in Italy. Maria Dore, who is 36, says mushroom pizzas are the key to her cuddly figure. The Miss Tubby contest held in Forcoli, near Pisa, is designed to counter the obsession with being slim. Organisers say it celebrates the attractiveness and humanity of larger people. Ms Dore, a housewife from Tuscany, says she loves cooking for her husband and three-year-old son. The contest is open to men and women. The men must weigh more than 330lbs and the women more than 220lbs. The men's winner, Aldo Mattotti from Rome, also weighed in at 420lbs as did Ms Dore. The competition's founder, Gianfranco Lazzereschi, said: "We wanted to create an opportunity to laud and recognise men and women who are usually barred from the spotlight. Our contest has shown that you can be beautiful even if you are seriously overweight." ____________________________________________ A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear. "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 8 in 0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was advertised for the first time. 1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789 by Alexander Hamilton. 1861 Tennessee voted to secede from the Union and joined the Confederacy. 1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction vacuum cleaner. 1872 The penny postcard was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S. citizens. 1915 U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the Lusitania. 1934 The Cincinnati Reds became the first Major League team to use an airplane to travel from one city to another. They flew from Cincinnati to Chicago. 1948 Milton Berle hosted "Texaco Star Theater" NBC-TV. It was the show's debut. 1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in Washington, DC. 1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin fighting offensively. 1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later called the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis-identification of the ship. The U.S. has never publicly investigated the incident. 1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu of South Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull out by August. 1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the "Mormon will," was a forgery. The work was supposedly written by Howard Hughes. 1982 U.S. President Reagan became the first American chief executive to address a joint session of the British Parliament. 1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra hearings. She said that she had helped to shred some documents. 1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor veterans of the Persian Gulf War. 1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one- month cease-fire. 1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was rescued by U.S. Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia after his F-16 fighter was shot down on June 2. 1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast. 1998 The National Rifle Association elected Charlton Heston to be its president. 1998 In the U.S., the FTC brought an antitrust complaint against Intel Corp., alleging its policies punished other developers of microprocessor chips. 1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-pollution devices in 1.6 million cars. 1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending America's three-year partnership with Russia. 2000 The Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils played the NHL's longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history. The fifth game of the series lasted 106 minutes and 21 seconds. The game ended with a goal by Mike Madano that allowed the Stars to play a game six back in Dallas. 2001 Marc Chagall's painting "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was stolen from the Jewish Museum in New York City. The 8x10 painting was valued at about $1 million. A group called the International Committee for Art and Peace later announced that they would return the painting after the Israelis and Palestinians made peace. 2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They completed the trek at the U.S.- Mexico border on September 28. 2020 Do smiled. |
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