Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, January 8 Today's Bonehead Award: Minnesota robber remembers his mask too late ______________________________________________________ Today, January 8 in 1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. It standardized mineral and metal analysis. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. --- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) ______________________________________________________ An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera." He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said: "That was a really delicious meal! You must have a very good stove." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The woman at the supermarket checkout was giving the clerk a hard time. As her audience in the waiting line increased, she became more abusive. Finally, the patient clerk came to a dog's flea collar. The checker asked the customer if she was aware that the package had been opened. "Of course," the woman snapped. "I opened it. You can't expect me to get it home and find out it's the wrong size." A voice from the line spoke for all of us: "Wear it in good health." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Quincy Gerrard Petty, 39, Roseville, Minnesota Minnesota robber remembers his mask too late A Bob Marley hat helped police nab a man suspected of robbing a Dollar Tree in Roseville on Christmas Eve, authorities say. Quincy Gerrard Petty, 39, also reportedly forgot to put his mask on when he first walked into the retailer on Larpenteur Avenue and told an employee at the register he wasn't playing, court documents say. Open your register, I'm robbing you, Petty reportedly said. He later reached under his sweatshirt near his waistband and yelled: If you put your hands down, ya'll done, according to the criminal complaint filed against him via warrant this week in Ramsey County District Court. A store employee recognized Petty as the boyfriend of another employee, authorities say. When he saw the man look at him, Petty remembered his mask and pulled it over his face, according to the complaint. Another man accompanied Petty during the robbery, the complaint said. They took off with about $2,000 after store managers emptied a safe, authorities say. They fled in a red SUV. Police tracked down a vehicle matching the description to a location near Petty's girlfriend's home, the complaint said. He and his girlfriend were found outside her residence, and Petty was arrested, the complaint said. While he had changed his clothes, he was wearing the same Bob Marley hat that store employees reported seeing on the suspect, according to an affidavit for a search warrant filed in the case. Officers also found a crumpled envelope with the word robbery written on it inside Petty's pockets, along with two coin wrapping papers and more than $600 in cash mostly in $1 bills, the complaint said. Petty denied involvement in the robbery. His girlfriend said he was with her all morning and that the incident was a setup by the store in retaliation for a complaint she filed. Petty faces one count of second-degree aggravated robbery and a second count of simple robbery. From: Lois Re: How do you recognize scams? Dear DearWebby, How do you recognize if something is a silly scam or if it is real ? Louis Dear Louis If there is a line that says: "Pass this on to all your friends." then it is a silly scam. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling, and even had a bath." I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com No More Fishy Hands Get your hands wet and then rub salt on them before handling fish. It will make the fish easier to grip and will diminish the fish odor on them. When you are done rub your hands with lemon juice and then wash them with soap and water. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Injecting ink into water and filming with a high speed camera. Fascinating to watch |
___________________________________________________ >From Martin in Minnasohta THE REAL REASONS IT TOOK SO LONG TO GET YOUR PASSPORT The State Department was involved in the effort to stop Jason Bourne. They needed to white out all the fine print that read "Made in China." It took time to make the holographic background extra sparkly. You have any idea how long it takes to think up a string of random meaningless numbers? We had to photoshop a turban on each picture to see if we got a match against the Known Terrorist List. There's a minimum two-week drying period once it's been sprayed with "new passport" smell. We needed to verify that the photo in your passport is actually more wretched than the one on your license. The extra help we hired came from FEMA. --------- He should have applied for a Canadian passport. I got mine renewed the same week! ___________________________________________________ Mom says we have two ears because we should listen twice as much as we talk. I always thought it was so we could let things go in one ear and out the other! ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
WHILE I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first. Then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck." ___________________________________________________ | Today January 8 in 1675 The first corporation was chartered in the United States. The company was the New York Fishing Company. 1790 In the United States, George Washington delivered the first State of the Union address. 1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor to Samuel Morse's code. 1853 A bronze statue of Andrew Jackson on a horse was unveiled in Lafayette Park in Washington, DC. The statue was the work of Clark Mills. 1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr. John Veatch. 1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule. 1900 In South Africa, General White turned back the Boers attack of Ladysmith. 1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 1916 During World War I, the final withdrawal of Allied troops from Gallipoli took place. 1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson announced his Fourteen Points as the basis for peace upon the end of World War I. 1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. It standardized mineral and metal analysis. 1955 After 130 home basketball wins, Georgia Tech defeated Kentucky 59-58. It was the first Kentucky loss at home since January 2, 1943. 1959 Charles De Gaulle was inaugurated as president of France's Fifth Republic. Ten years later he became famous when he visited Montreal and yelled "Vive le Quebec libre!" and implied, he would help Quebec. Well, he didn't, but he stirred up all kinds of trouble and a dozen people got killed. Quebec has not been the same since that day. 1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson declared a "War on Poverty." 1962 Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa was exhibited in America for the first time at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC. The next day the exhibit opened to the public. 1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused of bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate apartment complex in Washington, DC. 1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was suffering from stomach flu. 1993 Bosnian President Izetbegovic visited the U.S. to plead his government's case for Western military aid and intervention to halt Serbian aggression. 1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan dropped out because of a clubbing attack that injured her right knee. The U.S. Figure Skating Association later took the title from Harding because of her involvement in the attack. 1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New York. 1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at faster speeds. 1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic boosters had given cash to members of the International Olympic Committee. 2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 2018 Do smiled. |
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