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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Naked New Mexico dope, who led cops on 100 mph chase Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 11, in 1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. ______________________________________________________ No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. --- Henry Adams (1838 - 1918) "It takes a lot of practice for a girl to kiss like a beginner." -- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the matter?" said the first guy. "I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," the second answered. "They've got race riots, gang warfare, cops out of control, the highest crime rate....." "Hold on," said the first. "I've been in L.A all my life, and its not bad as the media says. Find a nice home, preferably an hour or tow out from downtown, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said "Oh, thank God. I was worried to death, but if you live there and say it's ok, I'll take your word for it. .....What do you do for a living?" "Me?" said the first, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck." -------------- They used to tell that joke about Chicago, but according to one friend who lives there, Chicago has become safer than visiting his mother-in-law. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man was standing first in line for tickets from those who had canceled their reservations to a sold-out play. The manager said he had two together, and pointed to the two women behind the man. "You wouldn't want to come between Mother and daughter, would you?" The man turned around, and replied, "No. I did that once, and regretted it right up until the divorce." ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Barbara Arellano 51, Santa Fee New Mexico Naked New Mexico dope, who led cops on 100 mph chase A naked female motorist led New Mexico cops on a 100 mph chase Saturday morning that ended when she crashed the vehicle and then was running around on the freeway. After receiving 911 calls about a woman driving recklessly on Interstate 25 in Santa Fe, cops spotted Barbara Arellano, 51, behind the wheel of a Toyota Rav4 that was careening across the road. As she drove, Arellano was throwing items from the car, which topped 100 mph before it clipped a truck and crashed, according to a police report. Somehow, Arellano escaped from the vehicle unhurt and unburdened by clothes. Police dashcam footage showing the naked and top-heavy Arellano running through traffic (while doing this, she repeatedly yelled Jehovah!), has been x-rated and is not available to the public.. Arellano, pictured above, was eventually wrestled to the ground by police who covered her in a blue tarp provided by a passing motorist. According to investigators, Arellano explained that she had used heroin, took a bunch of pills and drank whisky just before driving. As for her lack of garments, Arellano explained that she was hot. Bystanders agreed. During a search of Arellanos vehicle, cops found prescription pill bottles containing Tizanidine, a muscle relaxant, and Lorazepam, an anti-anxiety drug. Arellano was charged with drunk driving, battery on a peace officer, reckless driving, and fleeing from police. She was released from the Santa Fe lockup late Monday night after posting bond. Arellanos rap sheet includes prior arrests for narcotics possession and disorderly conduct. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Harvey T. Re: How good are those international drivers licenses you can get over the net? Dear Webby Lately I saw a lot of mail re an international drivers license that you can order over the net and tha can even be used as ID. Is that true? Harvey T Dear Harvey Always remember: "Spammers Lie". Think about it. What would your typical state trooper say if he pulls you over and you hand him some international drivers license based on the Cayman Islands ? "OK, Mr Smart-Ass from the Cayman Islands. Show me your Visitors Visa ! Haven't got one? Well, we will just have to deport you back to the Islands then. Don't worry about these handcuffs. They won't feel so tight once you get used to them." With legitimate drivers licenses, "International" is just an addendum class of license, like an "Air-Brake" or "Bus" endorsement. Each legitimate drivers license is based on a jurisdiction that vouches for the fact that you have been properly identified and tested for your abilities. If you don't have a visitors Visa from that jurisdiction to the one in which the state trooper or policeman is based, then you are in a lot more trouble than if you had said you haven't got a drivers license. Some of those International drivers licenses are even worse, they generate a printable license with your name and addres, and a mug shot of a moneky. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Porcupine Quills Before Removing By Jess [141 Posts, 789 Comments] If you ever have the bad luck to remove porcupine quills from your dog (or yourself), don't just rip the quills out. The barb will cause more damage going out than going in. If you snip off the quill, the hollow walls will collapse, allowing you to remove the barbed quill with less damage. ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ "I was married 3 times" explained the woman to a newly discovered bridge partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 husbands died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd one died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said her friend , "How did THAT happen?" "He was a fussy eater and wouldn't eat the mushrooms." ___________________________________________________ | Hans Klok - World record - 15 grand illusions in 5 minutes |
____________________________________________________ A group of expectant fathers sat nervously in the hall. A nurse beckoned to one of them and said, "Congratulations, you have a son!" Another man dropped his magazine, jumped up and cried, "Hey, what's the idea? I got here two hours before he did!" ____________________________________________________ Q: What do you call a calf after it's six months old? A:Seven months old. ____________________________________________________ | 15 Finalists from Smithsonians 13th Annual Photo Contest. |
| Today on March 12 1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the first time in the US. 1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French to leave the country. 1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic telephone system. 1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory. 1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolliwas forced out of office by continued civil strife. 1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations for Britain. 1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the conflict with El Salvador. 1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause of infantile paralysis. 1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name was Girl Guides. 1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his technique for putting sound on motion picture film. 1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized his defiance of British rule over India. 1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be flown side by side. 1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a single season. 1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60 points against the Atlanta Hawks. 1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit. 1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the British Commonwealth. 1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major military bases. 1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine with a head and neck attached. 1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries were members of the former Warsaw Pact. 2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed merger worth $15.6 billion. 2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter, who had previously worked at the Smart home. 2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four armed North Korean jets. 2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would be renamed Willis Tower. 2010 In the U.S., Apple began taking pre-orders for the iPad. 2016 Do smiled. |
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