Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, July 30 Thank you, Nancy!! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 27, in 1898, "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland, OH. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award NYC teen girls arrested on hate crime charges for 'anti-White assault' _________________________________________________ Here's a tip to avoid death by celebrity: First off, get a life. They can't touch you if you're out doing something interesting. --- Kent Nichols and Douglas Sarine __________________________________________________ R E S U M E B O O - B O O S How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some reportedly real life examples: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakabl" "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet." "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." "I am a rabid typist." "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erars." "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far." "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one." "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant." "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemail." "Qualifications: No education or experience." "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets." "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department." "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!" Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!" ___________________________________________________ When your wife says, "What do you think?" she is not asking for YOUR opinion. She is asking for HER opinion, from your mouth. __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by 3gangsta.jpg, NYcity, New York, USA NYC teen girls arrested on hate crime charges for 'anti-White assault' Two Black teenage girls in New York City were arrested on Tuesday and charged with hate crimes over the brutal attack on a 57-year-old White woman riding a bus in Queens earlier this month. The New York Police Department said that a 15-year-old girl and a 16-year-old girl were arrested at 9:20 a.m. on Tuesday in the confines of the 102nd precinct. They each face two counts of assault while carrying out a hate crime and aggravated harassment while carrying out a hate crime. Their names were not released by police due to their ages. A third suspect the one to the far right of the photo released by police with a bright green bob haircut is still being sought. NYPD released a video and a photo showing three Black girls walking down a city street earlier this month, saying investigators were seeking information on the suspects sought in a July 9 hate crime incident. At about 6:50 p.m., police said the three then unidentified individuals approached a 57-year-old female passenger on the southbound Q52 MTA bus in the vicinity of Jamaica Avenue and Woodhaven Boulevard and struck her in the head with an unknown object, causing a laceration and bleeding. They carried out the attack while making "anti-White statements," police said. The individuals fled on foot and the victim was removed to Jamaica Hospital in stable condition. The woman received three staples on her head because of her injuries. The New York Post identified the victim as 57-year-old Jill LeCroix, who told the outlet she has three bi-racial children, is a grandmother of five and currently works as a bartender. The woman recounted the attack to the newspaper, saying one of the teenage assailants with green hair began shouting that she "hates White people, the way they talk" and accused her of being a fan of former President Trump. "Before they hit me, the girl with the green hair said, You probably like Trump! Dont you? LeCroix said in an interview published on July 17. "I said, I love him. I didnt see which one hit me first." "The one with the green hair, she was saying she hates White people, the way they talk, hates White skin, the way their skin cracks. Saying she was gangsta," the woman added, saying she was on the way to visit her mother at the time. "I was the only White person on the bus. By the time we started passing St. Johns Cemetery on Woodhaven, she started in on me, saying, Thats where Im going to bury you!" "She had a bag from Bath and Body Works, and she took out a scrub and said she was going to beat me with it. It was tangerine," LeCroix told the newspaper. "She said, Youre going to get what you deserve! All White people are going to get what they deserve. It was crazy." In a tweet about the arrests Tuesday, NYPD Hate Crime Task Force credited a tipster for help tracking down two juveniles regarding this "anti-White assault," as the third perpetrator remains outstanding. _____________________________________________________ "The attractive man I met last night insists he just wants to be friends," the girl told her maiden Aunt. "Now I know what to do with a lover, but what the heck do I do with a 'friend'?" The wise old lady smiled and said, "The same as with your lover, dearie, only not quite so often." _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Brandy RE: How long do memory chips last Dear Webby, I have never had a problem with camera memory chips, but I worry about how long they last. What is your verdick? Brandy Dear Brandy I have never seen or read about any of them go bad. They just get misplaced and lost. Simply establish a STRICT protocol to ensure that they are always put into the ziplock baggie taped to the side of the monitor or computer or fridge or some other, very specific and stationary place. NOT your purse, or anything you might accidentally leave at the coffee shop or bar or bus! Initially that might seem a nuisance, but when you hear about other people losing their chips, you will realize the value of that habit. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ Two years ago a man had just won the lottery. He was at work so his wife accepted the check. She was very worried because the man had just recovered from a heart attack and she was worried what would happen if he found out about it too soon. She called the pastor and asked if he could talk to the man. He agreed and said he would be there as soon as possible. When the man got home the pastor asked if they could go for a walk. While they were walking the pastor asked, "What would you do if you won the lottery?" The man replied, "Why, I'd give it all to the church." The pastor dropped dead on the spot. ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Oklahoma man films himself sexually assaulting 6-month-old and uploads child porn _____________________________________________________ Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather (1908 - 1976) _____________________________________________________ >From Janice When my son Jared began spending lots of time in the Internet chat rooms, I worried that his grades would suffer. I made him promise to do schoolwork until I returned home at 5p.m. One day at 4:30 I decided to check up on him. Using my office computer, I went on- line and entered his favorite chat room. To my dismay I saw Jared's name among the list of current participants and immediately decided to teach him a lesson in front of his cyber friends. "Jared," I typed, "this is your mother, and you are grounded for two weeks!" "Hi, Mrs. Beyeler," came a reply. "This is David. Jared's doing homework right now, and he said I could use his computer. But I'll be sure to let him know that he's been grounded." _____________________________________________________ Cicely Kricket Wild Horse in Kananaskis, near "Forget Me Not Pond" ___________________________________________________ Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brice Gage Watkins 22, Enid, Oklahoma, USA Oklahoma man films himself sexually assaulting 6-month-old and uploads child porn U.S. Marshals and local authorities are searching for a 22-year-old Oklahoma man accused of sexually assaulting a baby and distributing video of the act on social media. Enid police tell KOCO that Brice Gage Watkins faces multiple charges including distribution of child pornography, manufacturing child pornography and three counts of lewd acts with a child. Authorities say Watkins recorded himself assaulting a 6- month-old baby and distributed video on social media. He could be in Oklahoma City and also has ties to Norman and Enid. If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ *Parenthood* If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results. The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side. Avenge yourself ~~~ live long enough to be a problem to your children. The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere ~~ and hide the keys to the car. Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds. The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed. Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren. There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it. Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents. Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm. Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am. There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers. An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small children. ____________________________________________ "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." --- Dave Barry ____________________________________________________ Abigail Miseldine ___________________________________________________ Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds. ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ *Parenthood* If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results. The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side. Avenge yourself ~~~ live long enough to be a problem to your children. The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere ~~ and hide the keys to the car. Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds. The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed. Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren. There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it. Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents. Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm. Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am. There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers. An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small children. ____________________________________________ >From Janice When my son Jared began spending lots of time in the Internet chat rooms, I worried that his grades would suffer. I made him promise to do schoolwork until I returned home at 5p.m. One day at 4:30 I decided to check up on him. Using my office computer, I went on- line and entered his favorite chat room. To my dismay I saw Jared's name among the list of current participants and immediately decided to teach him a lesson in front of his cyber friends. "Jared," I typed, "this is your mother, and you are grounded for two weeks!" "Hi, Mrs. Beyeler," came a reply. "This is David. Jared's doing homework right now, and he said I could use his computer. But I'll be sure to let him know that he's been grounded." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven. One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces." "Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates. "No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter. Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and find suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!" "Yes, we use Windows." replied Peter, "The Titanic only crashed ONCE." ____________________________________________________ Guy goes to the gates of heaven where he meets St. Peter. St.Peter says to him, "God has looked at your book of life and you are welcome in heaven under one condition." The man says, "What's that?" St. Peter says "You must spell the word 'Love'." So he does and he is let in to heaven. As he gets in, St. Peter's beeper goes off. He tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell a word. Next thing you know, his wife shows up at the gate and he asks her what she is doing there? She says that on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and she died. The husband says alright, but you do have to spell one word first before you come in to heaven. She asks "What's that?" He says "Spell Czechoslovakia" _____________________________________________________ When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I like them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened." So I shut down my till, grabbed the opened package, and went for lunch. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, July 30, in 1502, Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 1619, The first representative assembly in America convened in Jamestown, VA. (House of Burgesses) 1729, The city of Baltimore was founded in Maryland. 1898, "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland, OH. 1932, Walt Disney's "Flowers and Trees" premiered. It was the first Academy Award winning cartoon and first cartoon short to use Technicolor. 1937, The American Federation of Radio Artists (AFRA) was organized as a part of the American Federation of Labor. 1942, The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women's Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the U.S. Navy. 1945, The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 1956, The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S. national motto. 1965, U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into effect the following year. 1974, The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee voted to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate investigation and for abuse of power. 1987, Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 1990, In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled off the assembly line. 1991, In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl Radio & TV Tower. 1998, A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call themselves the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball jackpot. It was the largest-ever American lottery. 2000, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt were married. 2001, Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three consecutive Tours de France. 2003, In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled off an assembly line. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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