Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, July 25 ____________________________________________________ History: today, July 25 in 1909, French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Illegal immigrant in London, England, convicted of second murder ___________________________________________________ Q Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything. --- Charles Kuralt Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. --- Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) ---------- Yes, College and University are prime examples of that. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ This one is a repeat from the early 90s Heard on the plane: >From the granny in the "Scare North" parka (the stewardess): "They remembered to put the gas cap on today, so we won't be doing the usual circling back to the airport. Which is unfortunate, because they forgot to put the cap on the coffee thermos." And from the pilot during his message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... They will be on the next flight." One time in the 70s when they were still using their drafty see-through DC3 from Whitehorse to Dawson City, Dennis the pilot was in a serious looking conference with the stewardess and then came walking back, looking pointedly at the bright red toolcase on the floor between my feet and asked: "Does anybody by any chance have a 3/4" wrench?" I was on my way to fix a big generator and certainly did have all the wrenches with me. After I handed him a 3/4" wrench, he went back to the stewardess. She handed him a beer. In those days the beer still had crown- caps instead of screw-tops. He grabbed the bottle tighly around the neck with one hand, leveraged the wrench over his thumb and expertly popped the cap. Seems they had forgotten the bottle opener on that trip, but by the time we reached Dawson City the stewardess got pretty good at opening beer with a wrench. ___________________________________________________ A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. " What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember." Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or spend twenty years in jail?" "Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out of jail today." ___________________________________________________ A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving. The woman decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she s little. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions. He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle." The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong. She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel." ---------------- I can certainly sympathise with her. My hearing is like that. In High-school, college and university I became a master of guessing and faking answers to questions, I had neither heard nor understood. They never quite mmade me repeat a year. I was too much of a nuissance for that. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E- F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." Then the teacher asks, "Do can you spell 'before'?" Do stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Do, now can you use it in a sentence?" Do says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore." ____________________________________________________ When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!" ____________________________________________________ There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." The little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when comes back. --WHACK!!!"-- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to again,, tell him that was a crowbar from Home Depot. ____________________________________________________ A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief. "No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have rescued me?" ____________________________________________________ Horned Grebes near Calgary, doing their ritual mating dance ___________________________________________________ It's an age-old truism. Men will quickly fall asleep after having sex. And I know why, too. It's because they've been up half the night begging for it. --------- That is how I learned English! __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Edith Re: How much RAM Dear Webby My computer is really slow. How much RAM should it have nowadays? Edith Dear Edith Go ahead and open up the case. Vacuum it out with the couch crevice tool, and clean ALL heatsinks with Q-tips soaked in white vinegar or Windex. The CPU slows down when it gets hot. OK, next step is to run Crap Cleaner. Aside from getting rid of crap and leftovers, it even gives you some valuable tips. I ran it again just now. It removed 8 MB of crap, 15,000 trackers and did miscellaneous patching. It takes a while to test and clean, but you will see a VERY noticeable speed-up. If you sstill think that you need more RAM, my W7 machines are very fast with 8 GB RAM. With W10 you need at least 16 GB of RAM. You can hit the Windows Key and PAUSE, and get a coffee. When you come back, Windows will show you what is currently installed. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Joe sets Jim up to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Jim is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly and scary?" says Jim, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack." So that night, Jim knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!" ------------- Happens to me every time. ____________________________________________ A Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia." The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well, uhhh, ok, but don't let me catch you speeding again." ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Nicolae Virtosu, 48, London, England Illegal immigrant in London, England, convicted of second murder man has been convicted of murdering his sister-in-law with a hatchet at the home they shared in Ilford. Nicolae Virtosu, 48, was convicted of murdering Svetlana Mihalachi, 53, following a trial at the Old Bailey on Friday, July 21. Virtosu, who was also found guilty of making threats to kill, will be sentenced on October 9. Ms Mihalachi was killed by Virtosu in April 2021 after tensions escalated over lockdown, jurors at the Old Bailey were told. Police rushed to a property in Princes Road on Friday, April 9 following reports that a woman had been assaulted. Ms Mihalachi was found at the scene with serious head injuries caused by blows to the head with a hatchet. Virtosu, from Moldova, is an illegal immigrant and had been living with his brother, Iurie, and Mihalachi since 2018, the court heard. He is alleged to have subjected Mihalachi to a campaign of intimidation and threats in the months before she died. In 2009 Virtosu was convicted of the unlawful killing of his wife Anastasia, whom he strangled. Catherine Pattison, prosecuting, told the jury Mihalachi and the family knew about Virtosus conviction and she lived in genuine fear that her brother-in-law would kill her. Ms Mihalachi had contacted the Home Office Immigration Service in the hope they would deport him and then called police to report Mr Virtosu one month before her death, the court heard. Ms Mihalachi told a practice manager at Reach Out domestic violence hub that she did not understand why the Home Office and the police did not help her, the jury was told. "Do they want someone to be killed before they do anything?" she was said to have asked. The court heard that there was "no dispute or issue", that Virtosu killed his sister-in-law and that he did so by striking her repeatedly with a hatchet. Ms Pattison said this was a "clear case of murder". During lockdown, the prosecutor said, "cracks started to appear" in the relationship between Virtosu and Ms Mihalachi. When asked to move out, the defendant refused, allegedly telling his brother: "I do what I want, no woman commands me. Shes at fault, not me." A post-mortem examination found the cause of death to have been multi organ failure resulting from head injuries and loss of blood. Throughout the trial Virtosu claimed to have been hearing voices and suffering a psychotic disorder. He claimed that Svetlana had appeared to him as having devil-like shining red eyes to support a defence of diminished responsibility, but he did not convince the jury. Detective Rosamund Ellis said: Svetlana Mihalachi had been forced to live with a background of threats of violence that ultimately ended in a ferocious and fatal attack. Virtosu tried hard to give the impression that he wasnt responsible for his actions due to a mental health disorder, but his actions were not the result of delusions, they were the actions of an angry violent man who launched a murderous attack on Svetlana as he had threatened to do on so many occasions. She was a wife and a mother and the depth of loss felt by her loved ones is immeasurable. ___________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. "As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes, Sir, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, if you look at that stained glass window on the chapel over there, even in the Garden of Eden some things were always covered with leaves." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Why do Jewish men so often become doctors? Because a doctor can order a woman to undress without guilt, he can look at her without fear of being interrupted, and on best of all, it's usually her husband that pays for it all. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ >From Rock Your Dr poker story reminded me of one my gramps told often, Once there was a guy trying to get a good poker game going, he had 4 players was looking for a fifth, he called an old friend and asked if hed like to come and play, that friend said he had 3 reasons why he couldnt play, he said, "First of all I have no money." His friend replied, "OK bye." ___________________________________________________ A 100 year old man was having a big birthday party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day. "Please tell our audience how you managed to live so long," as the reporter. "Well, I don't ever drink and I've never smoked," replied the old geezer. "And, I make it a point to stay away from wild women." Just then, there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking, older man. The older man carried a foul smelling cigar in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other. As he ran by, he paused for a moment, looked at the crowd and let out a hardy, "He, he, he!" and then continued his pursuit. "What was that all about?" asked the astonished reporter. Replied the old geezer, "Please excuse my father - he gets carried away sometimes!" __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today July 25, in 0326, Constantine refused to carry out the traditional pagan sacrifices. 1394, Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general expulsion of Jews from France. 1564, Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. 1587, Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in Japan and ordered all Christians to leave. 1593, France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to Roman Catholicism. 1759, British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara in Canada. 1799, Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at Aboukir, Egypt. 1805, Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish a new country, with New Orleans as the capital city. 1845, China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain, France and the United States. 1850, In Worcester, MA, Harvard and Yale University freshmen met in the first intercollegiate billiards match. 1850, Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR. 1854, The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt. 1861, The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the American Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union and not for slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1866, Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He was the first American officer to hold the rank. 1871, Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper. 1907, Korea became a protectorate of Japan. 1909, French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel. 1914, Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian sovereignty. 1924, Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians. 1939, W2XBS TV in New York City presented the first musical comedy seen on TV. The show was "Topsy and Eva." 1941, The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets. 1943, Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown in a coup. 1946, The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device. 1952, Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the U.S. 1978, Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born in Oldham, England. She had been conceived through in-vitro fertilization. 1984, Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space station Salyut 7. 1994, Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that had existed between them since 1948. 1997, K.R. Narayanan became India's president. He was the first member of the Dalits caste to do so. 1998, The USS Harry S. Truman was commissioned and put into service by the U.S. Navy. 1999, Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the second American to win the race. 2010, WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-2010. 2016, Verizon Communications agreed to purchase Yahoo!'s operating business for $4.83 billion with the intention to merge it with AOL. 2023, Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
