Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, December 30 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Luis Enrique Mendez was arrested for allegedly hitting and killing a 55-year-old father on Dec. 11. He was arrested on Dec. 28 after police say he was caught driving a stolen car. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 30, in 1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic systems. ____________________________________________________ I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. --- Marshall McLuhan (1911 - 1980) Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) ____________________________________________________ Overheard at the Ohio State / Michigan game last weekend: First mother: "What position does your son play on the team?" Second mom: "I'm not sure. I think he's one of the drawbacks." ____________________________________________________ Travis Boschman Shy Muskrat, central Alberta ____________________________________________________ Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into the job, and slammed the door again. Same results. The door bounced back like it was made of Silly Putty. Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Luis Mendez, Phoenix, Arizona, USA Luis Enrique Mendez was arrested for allegedly hitting and killing a 55-year-old father on Dec. 11. He was arrested on Dec. 28 after police say he was caught driving a stolen car. Officers responded to reports of a crash in the area at 1:45 p.m. The collision involved a pickup truck heading south down 75th Avenue and a sedan heading west down Williams Street, police said. The driver of the sedan reportedly did not stop at a stop sign and slammed into the truck, killing the driver inside. He was identified as 55-year-old Lewis Kemp. The driver of the sedan ran away on foot before police arrived. On Dec. 28, police developed probable cause to arrest Luis Enrique Mendez. He was arrested by another law enforcement agency on suspicion of driving a stolen truck. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Jody Re: How precise is MailWasher? Dear Webby How precise is MailWasher? Does it ever dump good mail? Jody Dear Jody There is a recycle bin. Until you get the hang of it, or if you did not get a mail, that you had been expecting, check the recycle bin. Then tune your filters, or ask me, or Jeremy in NewZealand. Jeremy is mailwasher@firetrust.com and usually answers within an hour or two. Keep in mind the time difference. Usually, if he is not online, I am online. Some of us have been using MailWasher for 25 years and are quite familiar with it. Have FUN! DearWebby A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. Amazed, the bartender says: "Hey, you can talk!" "Sure-mumble-quack-mumble" says the duck, "Now can I get that mumble-quack-mumble beer mumble- quack-mumble ?" Shaking his head, the barkeep serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area. "I work at the mumble-quack-mumble airport", says the duck. "You should join the circus", says the barkeep. "You could make a mint." "The mumble-quack-mumble circus!" the duck replies. "What the mumble-quack-mumble would the mumble-quack-mumble circus want with an airport flight departure announcer mumble-quack-mumble with a mumble-quack-mumble speech defect?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets." ______________________________________________ You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way." ___________________________________________________ | Today, December 30, in 1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the Lancastrians. 1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 1879 Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" was first performed, at Paignton, Devon, England. 1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger became its first president. 1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays was handed to the home secretary. 1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first female bar student. 1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed. 1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic systems. 1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo, Japan. 1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in Ethiopia. 1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena. 1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne. 1948 "Kiss Me Kate" opened at the New Century Theatre in New York City. Cole Porter composed the music for the classic play that ran for 1,077 performances. 1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 1954 James Arness made his dramatic TV debut in "The Chase". The "Gunsmoke" series didn't begin for Arness until the fall of 1955. 1961 Jack Nicklaus lost his first attempt at pro golf to Gary Player in an exhibition match in Miami, FL. 1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam. 1976 The Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick, played their last show at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas and retired as a team from show business. Both continued as solo artists and they reunited several years later. 1980 "The Wonderful World of Disney" was cancelled by NBC after more than 25 years on the TV. It was the longest- running series in prime-time television history. 1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations. 1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were killed and dozens were seriously injured. 1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by Prime Minister Netanyahu. 1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency. 2021 Do smiled. |
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