Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, October 31 Happy Halloween! Go scare 'em ____________________________________________________ Today, October 31 in 1981 Antiqua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Texas woman fractured mother's skull with crucifix _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) _______________________________________________ Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, Where did you get such a great flying broomstick? The second engineer replied, Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful witch flew up on this broomstick. She threw the broomstick to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want. The first engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice; her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you. ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christian Lydia Martinez, 25, San Antonio, Texas Texas woman fractured mother's skull with crucifix A Texas woman yesterday repeatedly struck her mother over the head with a crucifix during a domestic altercation that left the victim with a fractured skull, police report. According to cops, Christian Lydia Martinez, 25, had been out drinking when she returned Sunday afternoon to her family's San Antonio residence and began quarrelling with her 46-year-old mother. During the argument, investigators allege, Martinez removed a 10-inch wooden crucifix from a wall and began battering her mother with the religious item. Martinez allegedly hit the victim over the head with the "bulky" crucifix several times, leaving the woman with a fractured skull. Martinez's mother was later transported to a San Antonio hospital for treatment of her injuries. Seen above, Martinez was arrested on a felony aggravated assault with a deadly weapon charge. She is being held in the Bexar County lockup in lieu of $30,000 bond, according to jail records. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: How safe and private is cloud computing? Dear Webby, With all the data and software with CLOUD computing stored on the net, how safe and private is that? Elvira Dear Elvira Your data is quite safe, propbably safer than on your computer. Privacy is a bit mushy. If you are into nuclear proliferation or similar high profile criminal activity, then keeping your data on the net makes it easier for law enforcement to get at them. As far as anybody else is concerned, your data is quite private and well protected. In addition to that, your data is "out of context" as far as anybody else is conerned. Even if they got access to it, it would not make sense to them. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. Paddy Had An Accident In court, the trucking company's lawyer was Questioning Paddy. "Did you not say, Paddy, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine," asked the lawyer." Paddy responded, "Aye, an I'll be tellin' ye about that. I had just loaded me favorite ol' mule, Bessie, into the.." "I did not ask you for any details, the lawyer Interrupted. Just answer the question. Did you not say, At the scene of the accident, "I'm fine!"? Paddy said, "Aye, I had just got Bessie into da' pick-up an I was drivin' down da' road to County Cork when ..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Minnesota Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's Answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite ol' mule, Bessie." Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Aye, as I was tellin' ye, I had jus loaded Bessie, me favorite ol' mule, into da' pick-up an was driving down da' highway to County Cork, when dis Huge semi-truck an trailer ran da' stop sign an smacked my truck right in da' side. I was trown into a ditch an Bessie was trown into da' utter one. I was hurtin' real bad an didn't want to move. But, I could hear ol' Bessie moanin' an groanin'. I Knew she was in turrible shape jus by her groanin'. Shortly after dat da' Minnesota Highway Patrolman came upon da' scene. He could ear ol' Bessie moanin' an groanin' so he goes orr to her. After he look at her, an saw her fatal condition, he take out his gun an shot her right 'tween da' eyes. Den da' Patrolman he come across da' road, smokin gun still in hand, he look at me an say, "How are ye feelin'?'' "Now I ask ye Judge, what would Ye say?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Sitting in the first row of coach class during a lengthy flight, my wife and I were able to hear a flight attendant as he pushed a wine cart down the aisle in the first-class section. "Would you care for chardonnay or burgundy?" he asked the high-paying passengers. A few minutes later the attendant opened the curtain between the two sections, offered wine to one final first-class patron, then wheeled the same cart forward to our aisle. "Excuse me," he said, looking down at us, "would you care for a glass of wine? We have white and red." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com font color="#009990"> Slicing Mushrooms Use an egg slicer to slice fresh mushrooms. It's quick and makes nice even slices that are the perfect thickness for most recipes. Mushroom slices that have a uniform thickness will cook evenly. ____________________________________________________ | | From Above and Below : Man and the Sea |
___________________________________________________ Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy. ___________________________________________________ 'She's a horrible woman,' said Murphy about his mother-in-law. 'She makes her own yoghurt. She puts a pint of milk on the table and stares at it!' ___________________________________________________ At Finnegan's wake, Katy Ryan remarked about the corpse: 'Doesn't he look happy?' 'Yes,' said the widow Finnegan. 'He died in his sleep and he doesn't know he's dead yet! In fact,' she went on, 'if he wakes up in the morning the shock will kill him!' __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, October 31 in 1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the Protestant Reformation in Germany. 1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers (Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria). 1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy. 1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and their ability to withstand hard blows. 1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain prevented Germany from invading Britain. 1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln were finished. 1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered World War II. More than 100 men were killed. 1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb. 1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a revolt against French rule. 1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first person to set foot on the South Pole. 1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth, TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the time he was in Moscow, Russia. 1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all U.S. bombing of North Vietnam. 1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as Wal- Mart Stores, Inc. 1981 Antiqua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain. 1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during the U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital. 1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister. 1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles Taylor were blamed for the murders. 1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72, plunged into a northern Indiana farm. 1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to life in prison after being convicted of second-degree murder in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter. 1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with U.N. arms inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the country's weapons of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's invasion of Kuwait in 1990. 1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, MA, killing all 217 people aboard. 2007 Google shares hit $700 for the first time. 2019 Do smiled. |
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