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 Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
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Clean humor and tech tips, updated daily! The Dear Webby Humor Letter is still
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Good Morning, Do,
Today is Saturday, September 9
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas woman slipped handcuffs,
took police SUV on 100-MPH chase for 23 minutes
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________
The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself,
in spite of being unacceptable.
--- Paul Tillich (1886 - 1965)
A person with a new idea is a crank
until the idea succeeds.
--- Mark Twain
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out". They
both were very faithful,loving wives... however, they had
gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee,
so they stopped in a cemetery.
One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off
her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was
wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them...
luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh
wreath with a ribbon on it...so she proceeded to wipe
with that.
After the girls completed their "business" they continued
toward home.
The following day, one of the women's husband was concerned
that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed
and hung over. He phoned the other husband, and said
"These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to
suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"...
"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back
with a card stuck to her butt that read:
"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION...
WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"!!!
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged
patient bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see
me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!"
Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied,
"If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the
appointment?"
---------------
Sounds familiar.
I got a bad case of gout late last week:
It is not due to my ascetic diabetic diet, but possibly
due to the diabetes and the water pills.
Yesterday I got to see my doctor.
He told me to come back in 2 weeks.
Today I found out that sometimes it goes away in 7 days.
______________________________________________________


_____________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Toscha Fay Sponsler,
33,
Pollok,
Texas
Texas woman slipped handcuffs,
took police SUV on 100-MPH chase
Texas police published video Tuesday showing a shoplifting
suspect slipping out of her handcuffs, stealing a police SUV
and leading officers on a breathtaking high-speed chase.
The woman, identified as Toscha Fay Sponsler, 33, of Pollok,
Texas, ran away from Lufkin police officers responding to a
call of a possible shoplifter at a beauty supply store on
Saturday. After the officers ran her down on foot, Sponsler
was cuffed behind her back and buckled into a seatbelt in
the back of a patrol SUV, police said.
Video from the SUV's internal camera records Sponsler deftly
wriggling out her handcuffs, keeping a wary eye out and
playing possum whenever someone in uniform passes by the
window. With a build like an 8 year old boy she easiy
clambers through the sliding partition and over into the
front seat, then speeds off, with officers vainly trying to
run after her on foot.
Video from the unit's dash camera records Sponsler speeding
and veering across lanes, at one point swerving to avoid a
spike strip that a roadside officer tosses into the street.
After what police said was a 23-minute pursuit at speeds
hitting 100 mph, officers maneuver Sponsler into making a
hard turn into a residential yard more than 20 miles away in
the town of Zavalla, where she loses control of the SUV and
finally comes to a stop. Officers break through the
driver's-side window and toss Sponsler on the ground, where
they cuff her again, a bit toghter this time.
Sponsler remained in the Angelina County Jail on $18,000
bond on Tuesday night, charged with five felony counts of
escape with the threat of a deadly weapon, aggravated
assault, unauthorized use of a vehicle, possession of a
controlled substance and evading arrest, according to jail
records.
The deadly weapon was a police shotgun mechanically locked
to the SUV, which pursuing officers said they saw Sponsler
reach for repeatedly.
_________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Karen
Re: How safe is Skype
Dear Webby,
My daughter wants me to install Skype in my computer at home
and in the office, to save on phone bills. How safe is
that?
Karen
Dear Karen
Skype is perfectly safe. It is so heavily encrypted, that
even if somebody figured a way to intercept it, they could
not extract any information. Also, it does not open any
security holes like many other programs do.
Even though it is nowhere near as good as before Microsoft
bought it for $8.5 Billion to make sure Google did not get
it, Skype is really easy on computer's resources. There is
no need to shut it down now and then to release hogged
memory.
It's not just for talking and video chatting for free over
the net. It includes a text chat module for typing back and
forth and sending pictures, movies, music, links, etc.
You can even send SMS messages to cell phones.
Voice quality is still very good, often better than over a
phone.
We have used Skype for tech support for about 18 years now,
and have never had a problem with it.
I normally just use text chat, because it allows people to
copy and paste. My father is the only exception. I video
chat 5 - 10 minutes with him every day, noon my time, 8 PM
his time in Austria. Why not? It is free,
and at his age typing is a nuisance.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are
discussing the merits of a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes
with the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt,
divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's
ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress.
My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend
all night on the computer!"
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Strong Necklace Thread
Tired of your necklace breaking? Restring it with fishing
line. Fishing line is very strong and inexpensive.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Dont get too carried away! Choose a fishing line, that is
not stronger than your neck! Test it by snagging it on a
coat hook. 10lb or 15lb is strong enough and usually won't
kill you.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________


Can you guess which is the alpha dog?
____________________________________________________
Keli and Anni were flying Arkansas Airlines to Minneapolis.
Anni was flying the plane, and Keli was in the back fooling
with the cargo equipment and stuff.
The plane hit some turbulence an started bouncing around
an Anni got knocked unconscious. Then the plane start
drifting. Keli came running up to the front and saw Anni
sprawled out all over the controls.
Well, Keli doesn't know anything about flying and she starts
to get panicky. She grabs the microphone and screams
"May Day! May Day! This is Arkansas Air Line 90210. Anni,
is knocked unconscious and I don't know how to fly the
plane!"
"This is the control tower," someone answers. "Don't you
worry about nothing. We're gonna teach you how to land the
plane, step by step. Just leave everything to us.
First, how high are you , and what's your position?"
Keli thought for a minute, then said, "I'm five foot two
and I'm all the way to the front of the plane."
"No! No!" answer the tower. "What's your altitude, and
where are you located?"
Keli said, "Man, right now I've got a poor attitude, an I'm
from Caraway, Arkansas!!"
"No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "I need to know
how many feet you got off the ground and where your plane
is in relation to the airport!"
Keli, she starts to panic by this time, and says, "Counting
Anni's feet and mine together, we got four feet off the
ground and I don't believe this plane is related to your
airport!"
A long pause ---- the silence was deafening. "We need to
know who is your next of kin."
___________________________________________________
Don't stare at these drawings too long because you'll feel like you're
falling in.
___________________________________________________
From Armond
Dear Webby,
I am consistently amazed at your easy, common sense replies
to some of the trickiest questions, not like the insecure
and usually clueless answers I get from my ISP's and my
web host's tech support.
Dear Armond
We do provide web hosting! You are most welcome to
upgrade and move your site to our servers.
DearWebby
Ophelia Dingbatter's
News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes
and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you
subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat
because he had an important
meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on
me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every
Sunday for the rest of me life, ---
and give up me Irish Whiskey."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, Lord,
I found one."
____________________________________________________
Today, Sept 9, in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle.
1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the
term "United States", replacing the previous term "United
Colonies."
1836 Abraham Lincoln received his license to practice law.
1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York.
1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa.
1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men.
1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record.
1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over NE in an attempt to set
fire to the forests in Oregon and Washington. The rain
forest did not ignite.
1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and
Salerno.
1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of
Korea.
1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that
France was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination
of the U.S. in the organization.
1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL).
1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes.
1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner
that was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident
or an error.
1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later.
1986 Ted Turner presented the first of his colorized films
on WTBS in Atlanta, GA.
1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations
employee.
1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other.
1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees.
1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day
mission.
1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's
future.
1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation
of U.S. President Clinton.
1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland.
1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications
downloaded.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications
downloaded.
2017 Do smiled.


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Well,
Do
, that's all for today.
Have FUN !
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