Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, June 8 It was time to replace the battery in my watch. That used to be no problem. I used to just go to Walmart, buy the battery and flirt the lady into changing it for me. Well, times have changed. Watch batteries now are $6.27, and there are signs there that the staff won't change the batteries for you. It's actually quite easy if you have good sight or a magnifying glass or sheet. More in the tech support pits. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home. Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 8 in 0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it. No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check. Twice. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Do had lost weight over the past few years, and was heaving items from the wardrobe, that no longer fit, into a box that a boyscout held for a charity drive. "Wow," Text-End said, "I must have worn these when I was 195." The boyscout looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Breon Hollings, 22, Jacksonville, Florida Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home Breon Hollings started a Facebook Live stream to show off all of his drug money. What he didn't expect was that the police were already outside with a search warrant, and they were coming in (video below.) 22-year-old Breon Hollings can be seen counting money in a Facebook Live video and repeatedly exclaiming, This [expletive] don't stop, man, for about a minute before he hears deputies on a loudspeaker outside his home. As Hollings runs out of the room, deputies can be heard in the background shouting, This is Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. We have a search warrant. This is followed by a series of loud noises, which neighbors told Fox 30 were smoke grenades thrown into the house. Hollings was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance, possession of cocaine and possession of paraphernalia for the manufacture or delivery of drugs. Hollings has a long criminal history in Duval County, including previous drug charges, court and Jackson Sheriff's Office records show. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Me Re: Change watch battery Dear Webby How to change a watch battery For many years I used to go to Walmart, buy a watch battery, and flirt the lady there to install it for me. Now they raised the price of watch batteries and have signs there that they won't install watch batteries. Well, that is a nuissance, but not really a big deal. Here is how you change a watch battery: You need a sharp small screwdriver, the old-fashioned flat balde type, and, depending on your eyesight, a magnifying glass or magnifying sheet. Lay the watch face down on the table or clamp it into a toy or craft vise. Take the screwdriver or a knife and pry up the back. You will be surprised how easily it comes up. Since usually your wrist presses it in, it does not have to be glued or screwed in. Once the back plate is off, you will see the battery. Check with the magnifying glass to read the number and compare with the one you bought. If they are the same, look for the + sign. If you see a + sign, then the new battery has to be in there the same way, with the + sign on top. Now take your little screwdriver or a tooth pick and lift out the old battery. Toss it, so that there is no chance of a mix- up. Now push in the new batter so that the + faces in the same direction. Finally, put the back plate back on, push it in as far as it goes, and check if it is on straight. If it is on straight, put a book on it and whack the book with a fist or elbow. Done. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marigolds to Control Bugs on Your Tomato Plants By poehere [41 Posts, 50 Comments] The marigold flower is the best way to control bugs on your tomato plants. The roots of the flower control the bugs in the soil and the flower will protect your plants from bug infestation. When you plant your tomato plants in the ground, surround them with marigold flowers. The flowers are easily grown from seeds or you can gather your own seeds from the dried flowers. Once the flowers have died pick them and pull them apart. Inside each flower is a lot of grain. The flowers will self germinate. During heavy winds or rains the dead flowers will lose their seeds. The seeds are spread around the garden and will grow again. Therefore, its only necessary to buy one or two packages of marigold seeds for your garden. You can recover your flower seeds each year and store them in an air tight container in your refrigerator. This preserves the seeds for 8 months to 1 year. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ At a Wal-Mart in Grand Rapids, Michigan, a man stole a pair of Backroad Blues brand blue jeans. He took the jeans into the dressing room, took off his old ones, cut the tags off the new ones, and left his old jeans and the tags from the new ones in the dressing room while he walked out of the store. He was arrested the next day. The new jeans were on sale for $9.92. His old jeans had $15 and a printed out letter to him that included his AOL address, in a pocket. ___________________________________________________ | | A bizarre street in New Zealand. |
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone. "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. "Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: I ain't much for shopping, Or for goin' into town Except at cattle-shipping time, I ain't too easily found. But the day came when I had to go - I left the kids with Ma. But 'fore I left, she asked me, "Would you pick me up a bra?" So without thinkin' I said, "Sure," How tough could that job be? An' I bent down and kissed her An' said, "I'll be back by three." Well, I done the things I needed, But I started to regret Ever offering to buy that thing - I worked me up a sweat I walked into the ladies shop My hat pulled over my eyes, I didn't want to take a chance On bein' recognized. I walked up to the sales clerk - I didn't hem or haw - I told that lady right straight out, "I'm here to buy a bra." >From behind I heard some snickers, So I turned around to see Every woman in that store Was a'gawkin' right at me! "What kind would you be looking for?" Well, I just scratched my head. I'd only seen one kind before, "Thought bras was bras," I said. She gave me a disgusted look, "Well sir, that's where you're wrong. Follow me," I heard her say, Like a dog, I tagged along. She took me down this alley Where bras was on display. I thought my jaw would hit the floor When I saw that lingerie. They had all these different styles That I'd never seen before I thought I'd go plumb crazy 'fore I left that women's store. They had bras you wear for eighteen hours And bras that cross your heart. There was bras that lift and separate, And that was just the start. They had bras that made you feel Like you ain't wearing one at all, And bras that you can train in When you start off when you're small. Well, I finally made my mind up - Picked a black and lacy one - I told the lady, "Bag it up," And figured I was done. But then she asked me for the size I didn't hesitate I knew that measurement by heart, "A six-and-seven-eighths." "Six and seven eighths you say? That really isn't right." "Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive - I measured them last night!" I thought that she'd go into shock, Musta took her by surprise When I told her that my wife's bust Was the same as my hat size. "That's what I used to measure with, I figured it was fair, But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am." This drew another stare. By now a crowd had gathered And they all was crackin' up When the lady asked to see my hat, To measure for the cup. When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay. Then I turned to leave the store, Tipped my hat and said, "Good day." My wife had heard the story 'fore I ever made it home. She'd talked to fifteen women Who called her on the phone. She was still a-laughin' But by then I didn't care. Now she don't ask and I don't shop For women's underwear. ____________________________________________________ | Today, on June 8, in 0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was advertised for the first time. 1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789 by Alexander Hamilton. 1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction vacuum cleaner. 1872 The penny postcard was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S. citizens. 1915 U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the Lusitania. 1934 The Cincinnati Reds became the first Major League team to use an airplane to travel from one city to another. They flew from Cincinnati to Chicago. 1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in Washington, DC. 1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin fighting offensively. 1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later called the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis- identification of the ship. The U.S. has never publicly investigated the incident. 1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu of South Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull out by August. 1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the "Mormon will," was a forgery. The work was supposedly written by Howard Hughes. 1982 U.S. President Reagan became the first American chief executive to address a joint session of the British Parliament. 1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra hearings. She said that she had helped to shred some documents. 1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor veterans of the Persian Gulf War. 1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one-month cease-fire. 1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was rescued by U.S. Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia after his F-16 fighter was shot down on June 2. 1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast. 1998 In the U.S., the FTC brought an antitrust complaint against Intel Corp., alleging its policies punished other developers of microprocessor chips. 1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti- pollution devices in 1.6 million cars. 1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending America's three-year partnership with Russia. 2000 The Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils played the NHL's longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history. The fifth game of the series lasted 106 minutes and 21 seconds. The game ended with a goal by Mike Madano that allowed the Stars to play a game six back in Dallas. 2001 Marc Chagall's painting "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was stolen from the Jewish Museum in New York City. The 8x10 painting was valued at about $1 million. A group called the International Committee for Art and Peace later announced that they would return the painting after the Israelis and Palestinians made peace. 2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico border on September 28. 2017 Do smiled. |
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