Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, March 8 The clocks are right again! ___________________________________________________ Today, March 8 in 1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. ______________________________________________________ You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Kansas killer accused of running Wichita drug ring from Oklahoma prison cell __________________________________________ A 16-year-old girl buys herself a very skimpy bikini. Modeling it for her mother, she asks: "So, Mom, what do you think?" Her mother replies, "I think that if I had worn that when I was your age, you'd be five years older!" __________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: __________________________________________ A fellow who was discussing his health with his doctor after his annual physical. "You had a great checkup," said the doc. "Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" " Well," said the man, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor 17 to 2." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Travis KNighten, 47, Oklahoma State Penitentiary Kansas killer accused of running Wichita drug ring from Oklahoma prison cell A 55-count federal indictment with 24 defendants alleges that an inmate ran a drug ring in Wichita from a prison cell in the Oklahoma State Penitentiary. U.S. Attorney Stephen McAllister said federal agents began investigating in April 2019 and reviewed thousands of intercepted messages among the alleged traffickers. A large scale criminal drug conspiracy operating in Kansas whose shot caller is behind bars in another state talking on a cell phone makes this a unique case in my experience, McAllister said. To the alleged traffickers, I think I would say: Can you hear us now? The indictment contains detailed descriptions of defendants going about their daily chores, negotiating prices, handling hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash and trying to do business without drawing attention. Todays arrests and indictments send a clear message: whether you are behind bars or on the street, you will be held accountable. Today, over a 100 federal, state and local officers, working together executed dozens of arrests. The impact of these arrests will be immediate, and our community will be safer due largely in part to the tireless work and dedication of our law enforcement partners. I applaud their dedication and commitment to the community we are sworn to serve, said Timothy Langan, Special Agent in Charge of the FBI in Kansas City, Missouri. Travis Knighten, 47, who is being held at the Oklahoma State Penitentiary in McAlester, is alleged to have been the brains behind a criminal organization that distributed methamphetamine, heroin, cocaine powder, crack cocaine and marijuana in Wichita. Communicating by cell phone calls and text messages, Knighten is alleged to have directed the movements of almost two dozen conspirators. The indictment alleges Knighten used cell phones obtained while in custody to receive information and to coordinate times and locations for meetings with suppliers. Knighten put together deals with the assistance of a co-defendant who also is an inmate in the same prison, Armando Luna, 39. Knighten also worked with a treasurer outside the prison walls, co-defendant Travis Vontress, 43, Wichita, Kan., as well as other close associates who collected funds to pay suppliers. Lower ranking conspirators were responsible for maintaining stash houses, cutting, packaging and storing drugs, reselling the final products and other duties. Although Knighten is being held in Oklahoma, he is still under the authority of the Kansas Department of Corrections. He is serving a 90-year sentence for killing a corrections officer at Lansing Correctional Facility on May 22, 1993. The victim, Officer Mark Avery, died of head injuries received during a fight in the prison recreation building. CHARGES AND PENALTIES Operating a continuing criminal enterprise (count 1): Not less than 20 years and a fine up to $2 million. Conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine (count 2): Not less than 10 years and a fine up to $10 million. Conspiracy to distribute marijuana (count 3): Up to five years and a fine up to $250,000. Conspiracy to distribute heroin (count 4): Not less than 15 years and a fine up to $20 million. Conspiracy to distribute cocaine powder (count 5): Not less than 10 years and a fine up to $8 million. Conspiracy to distribute crack cocaine (count 6): Not less than 10 years and a fine up to $8 million. Maintaining drug involved premises (counts 7, 8, 9 and 10, 54, ): Unlawful use of a telephone in furtherance of drug trafficking (counts 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 38, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46 and 47): Up to four years and a fine up to $250,000. Possession with intent to distribute powder cocaine (count 23): Up to 20 years and a fine up to $1 million) Possession with intent to distribute methamphetamine (count 36, 39, 49): Not less than 10 years and a fine up to $10 million. Possession with intent to distribute heroin (count 37): Not less than five years, not more than 40 years, and a fine up to $5 million. Possession of firearms in furtherance of drug trafficking (count 50, 51, 52, 53, 55): Not less than five years and a fine up to $250,000. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: Left wing quotes Dear Webby, I have a question for you. This is our little dog we had to put down lately. I want to print this obit out, but when I do it from here, it makes a mess of the words wonât & wasnât . It puts in the a & E smybol & TM, for the little collon thing???? so frustrated, why wonât it print as it sees it right?? How can I get it to print it as I see it properly? Thanks for your help & all the good page you put out. TC, Betty Dear Betty If you download and install Open Office or Office Libre, then I can type it into that and send it to you for printing. Your problem is that whoever wrote that, used a Microsoft program, that uses silly "liberal" (left leaning) quotes, which, as you noticed, look rather stupid on standard programs. Instead of won't you get wonâ There IS a way to make Microsoft Word use standard quotes instead of liberal left wing quotes. Instructions for that are here: Turn Off Liberal Quotes Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June," he said. "She left me $10,000 to remember her by and help with my greif." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died. He was generous though, leaving me $50,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died. She left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad...." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!" _____________________________________________ Below, you will find phrases to describe both men and women. Enjoy! HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN. 2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. 3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. 4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. 5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. 6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. 7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. 8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. 9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE. 10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. 11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR. 12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. 2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. 3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. 4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. 5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. 6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. 7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. 8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY. 9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. ____________________________________________ A minister, having served the same church for many years, decides to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone about his decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waits until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church. When he speaks to the congregation he says, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church." As he sits down, the choir stands and begins to sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 8 in 1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of King William III. 1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out by other Indians. 1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at Niagara Falls, NY. 1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built across the isthmus of Panama. 1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. It was the first animal control law in the U.S. 1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit order of priests. 1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was spreading to Georgia. 1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to obtain a pilot's license. 1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared that Britain would not support France in the event of a military conflict. 1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. 1917 The U.S. Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting the cloture rule. 1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while leaving the Parliament in Madrid. 1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf. 1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first time at Franklin, IN. 1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish any anti-Nazi protests. 1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma. 1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy Nurse Corps. She later became the first African- American nurse to serve duty in World War II. 1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in public schools was unconstitutional. 1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had quit farming over the last 2 years. 1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form the state of Indochina. 1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together. 1961 Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight days, 18 hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops in Vietnam. 1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain. 234 people were injured. 1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with poison gas. 1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700 Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total from just five years before. 1986 Four French television crewmembers were abducted in west Beirut. All four were eventually released. 1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two Army helicopters collided in midair. 1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days of protest against Chinese rule. 1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995. 1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged security violations. 2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across- the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces. 2020 Do smiled. |
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