Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, December 11 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: OK City car jacker pulled knife, gun, got tenderized and sat upon till cops showed up Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 11 in 1769 Edward Beran of London patented venetian blinds. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ People care more about being thought to have taste than about being thought either good, clever or amiable. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Like most puppies, mine is not finicky about what he puts in his mouth. He Eats anything. But the day he swallowed a quarter, I panicked and called the vet. "What should I do?" I pleaded over the phone. My extremely laid-back vet answered calmly, "Swallowing a quarter is nothing to worry about. But if he does it again and a can of beer shoots out of his rear, give me a call." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ SIXTEEN STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make pyramid structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled 'kerosene'. 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Re-label can to read 'gasoline'. 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jordan Bond, 29 Oklahoma City, Oklahoma OK City car jacker pulled knife, gun, got tenderized and sat upon till cops showed up Brothers Juan and Justo Sop were getting home from work at 11 p.m. Sunday in Oklahoma City when an attempted carjacker tried to take their vehicle, the brothers told KFOR. But these brothers weren't about to let the attempted carjacker make off with their vehicle, police said. Instead, the two brothers started to fight back and when a third brother, Antonio, heard the commotion outside the house, he ran out to join the melee as well, police said. We got him down on the ground, but he took out a knife, Antonio Sop told KFOR. Then we grabbed the knife, took it away from him. It turned out a knife wasn't all the carjacker had on him, though. Then he had a gun, too, Sop told the TV station. He put two shots in the ground. By the time police arrived at the scene, the suspect Jordan Michael Bond, 29 had been wrestled to the ground by the three men, Oklahoma City Police Department spokesman Gary Knight said in a statement. Even though the brothers were sitting on top of the suspect holding him down, the would-be carjacker was still holding onto his gun by the time police got there, Antonio Sop told KFOR. But police were able to kick the firearm out of his hand, KFOR reports. He was taken into police custody at that time, Knight said in a statement. Bond was then taken to the Oklahoma County Jail, police said. Booked at the jail early Monday morning, Bond now faces charges of possession of a firearm, robbery and three counts of shooting with intent to kill, according to Oklahoma County Jail records. Bond has previous felony convictions, records indicate. Bond for Bond has been set at $164,000, records said. Previously, Bond was arrested by Oklahoma City police in 2008 for driving under the influence, Knight said. Bond was also arrested earlier this year in Oklahoma City for possession of a controlled substance. In May, Bond was charged with trespassing in Kingfisher County, northwest of Oklahoma City, according to state court records. Oklahoma City police said they're glad to get Bond off the street but don't usually recommend the kind of hands-on tactics the Sop brothers employed. In this case, though, police said they can't deny the brothers succeeded. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: How to store SD cards Dear Webby, the way that I store my sd cards is in a baseball card album. the slots for cards is small enough to store the sd cards and also put a description in. They sell pages to go in a loose leaf binder. I suppose business card holders would work too but they would be a little smaller. I found binders and pages on amazon. Marlene Dear Marlene Great idea! Now, where do you buy those nowadays? Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming. Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason 'why this couple should not be married'. His reception wasn't disrupted by streakers or smoke-bombs, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order. When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed. Upon waking, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked, "I'd like to order breakfast for two." At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, "Make that five, and one for Bob recording from the next room." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Little Johnny was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. Little Johnny turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." His mother smiled reassuringly at Little Johnny. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." Little Johnny looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said. Little Johnny thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kitchen Time Saver - Sifting Ingredients If you don't have a fly sifter but a recipe calls for sifting ingredients, put the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl and stir well with a whisk. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ Puppy Size "Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this," the mother told the volunteer. "What is it she keeps asking for?" the volunteer asked. "Puppy size!" replied the mother. "Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for." "I know...we have seen most of them," the mom said in frustration. Just then Danielle came walking into the office "Well, did you find one?" asked her mom. "No, not this time," Danielle said with sadness in her voice. "Can we come back on the weekend?" The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed. "You never know when we will get more dogs. Fortunately, there's always a supply," the volunteer said. Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. "Don't worry, I'll find one this weekend," she said. Over the next few days both mom and dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. "It's this weekend or we're not looking any more," Dad finally said in frustration. "We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size either," Mom added. Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs. Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted. Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, "Sorry, you're not the one." It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer. "Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!" she screamed with joy. "It's the puppy size!" "But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks," Mom said. "No not size ---- the sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed," she said. "Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!" The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom's eyes gathered tears. As she stooped down to hug the child. "Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms," she said. Then holding the puppy up close to her face she said, "Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!" | | Unraveling ropes into fractal like patterns. |
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral...I'm a gynecologist." And at that point, the proctologist fainted. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 11, in 1282 Llywelyn (Llewelyn ap Gruffydd) was killed in Cilmeri, central Wales. 1719 The first recorded sighting of the aurora borealis took place in New England. 1769 Edward Beran of London patented venetian blinds. 1792 France's King Louis XVI went before the Convention, which had replaced the National Assembly, to face charges of treason. He was convicted and condemned and was sent to the guillotine the following January. 1844 Dr. Horace Wells became the first person to have a tooth extracted after receiving an anesthetic for the dental procedure. Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas, was the anesthetic. 1872 Pinckney Benton Stewart Pinchback became America's first black governor when he took office as acting governor of Louisiana. 1882 Boston's Bijou Theater had its first performance. It was the first American playhouse lit exclusively by electricity. 1894 The world's first motor show opened in Paris with nine exhibitors. 1928 In Buenos Aires, police thwarted an attempt on the life of President-elect Herbert Hoover. 1930 The Bank of the United States in New York failed. 1936 Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated in order to marry American Wallis Warfield Simpson. He became the Duke of Windsor. 1937 The Fascist Council in Rome, withdrew Italy from the League of Nations. 1941 Germany and Italy declared war on the United States. The U.S in turn declared war on the two countries. 1943 The City Center of Music and Drama was dedicated in New York by Mayor Fiorello La Guardia. 1946 The United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF) was established by the U.N. General Assembly. The fund provides relief to children in countries devastated by war. 1961 The first direct American military support for South Vietnam occurred when a U.S. aircraft carrier carrying Army helicopters arrived in Saigon. 1967 The prototype of the Concorde was shown for the first time in Toulouse, France. 1973 West German Chancellor Willy Brandt and Czech Prime Minister Lubomir Strougal formally nullified the 1938 Munich pact when they signed a treaty sanctioning Hitler's seizure of Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland. 1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed into law legislation creating $1.6 billion environmental "superfund" that would be used to pay for cleaning up chemical spills and toxic waste dumps. 1981 Muhammad Ali fought his last fight. He lost his 61st fight to Trevor Berbick. 1985 General Electric Company agreed to buy RCA Corporation for $6.3 billion. Also included in the deal was NBC Radio and Television. 1986 The government of South Africa expanded its media restrictions by imposing prior censorship and banning coverage of a wide range of anti-apartheid protests. 1987 Charlie Chaplin's trademark cane and bowler hat were sold at Christie's for 82,500. 1988 62 people were killed in a Mexico City marketplace when tons of illegal fireworks exploded. 1990 Ivana Trump was divorced from Donald Trump after 12 years of marriage. 1991 Salman Rushdie, under an Islamic death sentence for blasphemy, made his first public appearance since 1989 in New York, at a dinner marking the 200th anniversary of the First Amendment (which guarantees freedom of speech in the U.S.). 1994 Thousands of Russian troops, armored columns and jets entered Chechnya. The move by Moscow was an effort to restore control the breakaway republic. 1994 The world's largest free trade zone was created when leaders of 34 Western Hemisphere nations signed a free-trade declaration known as "The Miami Process." 1996 In Crystal City, VA, "The Art of the Toy" opened. The exhibit was at the Patent and Trademark Office Museum. 1997 Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams became the first political ally of the IRA to meet a British leader in 76 years. He conferred with Prime Minister Tony Blair in London. 1997 More than 270 Tutsi refugees from the Democratic Republic of Congo were killed by Juto guerillas in Mudende, Rwanda. 1997 More than 150 countries agreed at a global warming conference in Kyoto, Japan, to control the Earth's "greenhouse gases." 1998 Scientists announced that they had deciphered the entire genetic blueprint of a tiny worm. 1998 The Mars Climate Orbiter blasted off on a nine-month journey to the Red Planet. However, the probe disappeared in September of 1999, apparently destroyed because scientists had failed to convert English measures to metric values. 1998 Majority Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee pushed through three articles of impeachment against U.S. President Clinton. 2000 Mario Lemeiux, owner of Pittsburgh Penquins, announced that he would end his three-plus year retirement and become an active National Hockey League (NHL) player again. When Lemieux returned officially he became the first owner/player in NHL history. 2001 U.S. Attorney General Ashcroft announced the first federal indictment directly related to the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. Zacarias Moussaoui was charged with six conspiracy charges. Moussaoui was in custody at the time of the attacks. 2001 Ted Turner purchased 12,000 acres in Nebraska for Bison ranches. 2001 It was announced that U.S. President George W. Bush would withdraw the U.S. from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty with Russia. 2001 Federal agents seized computers in 27 U.S. cities as part of "Operation Buccaneer." The raids were used to gain evidence against an international software piracy ring. 2009 The game Angry Birds was released. 2013 Standard & Poors announced that Facebook would join its S&P 500 index "after the close of trading on December 20." 2017 Do smiled. |
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