Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, July 16 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Road Rage suspect chewed wires in police cruiser Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 16 in 1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify the constitution. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Every increased possession loads us with new weariness. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Roland: "I'm diabetic, and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today" the anxious woman told the nurse over the phone. "Are you lightheaded" the nurse asked. "No" the caller replied. "I'm a Brunette" "Get somebody to drive you over here, NOW!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Doug and Bill were at the racetrack. Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race, the track tells the government." Bill says, "Well it could be worse." Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the government you won $600?" Bill sighs, "Telling your wife." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Walker, old enough to know better, Winter Garden, Florida Road Rage suspect chewed wires in FHP cruiser Florida Highway Patrol troopers have released surveillance video of a road rage suspect who they say tried to chew through recording equipment in the back of a patrol car. Troopers said the video shows Richard Walker moments after he was arrested on State Road 429 in Winter Garden for intentionally crashing into a vehicle several times. Investigators said he also used a hammer to smash that vehicle. Once handcuffed and put inside the patrol car, Walker was caught on camera putting chewing gum on the lens of a surveillance camera then trying to chew through the camera's wires. Troopers said Walker caused damage to the equipment. Walker became irate during the arrest and also threatened the trooper. Walker was booked into the Orange County Jail on several charges, including aggravated assault, resisting arrest and damaging property. Walker later bonded out of jail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Getting rid of IE Dear Webby, How did you go about uninstalling Internet Explorer? I tried through the Control Panel and Revo Uninstaller Pro... couldn't find IE. It must be hidden deep into Windows 7. Thanks . Bill Dear Bill I did that so long ago, I forgot how. Here are some instructions: Uninstall IE Have FUN! DearWebby Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your boyfriend came to me today, and told me that he wants to marry you, and I gave my consent." Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy...." gushed his daughter, "but it's going to be so hard to leave mother after we're married." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed her dad. "You can take her with you. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Deodorizing a Cooler or Ice Chest By Doris [2 Posts, 72 Comments] To clean a cooler, inside and out, cascade, or any automatic dishwashing powder, works really well, and sanitizes while cleaning. It gets the dirt out of the grooves on the outside, too. I don't know why it works better than a cleanser, but it does. It's also food safe, since it is for dishwashing, right? For storage of a cooler with a plug, leaving the plug open is all you need; keeping in mind closing it when you use it! If there isn't a plug, I use a paper towel, folded a few times, to wedge the lid open, placing it near a hinge. If the cooler is musty smelling from storage areas, a quick swipe with some vinegar and baking soda will do the trick. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ For each of these questions, there is a "No Problem!" answer. How many will you have a problem with? 1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours? 3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested? 5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? "No Problem" Answers: 1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack! 2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all. 3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand. 4. No problem! He sleeps at night.. 5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole. ___________________________________________________ | | Extraordinary carvings by two artists. |
___________________________________________________ >From Dave NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND . . These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district... (Spellings have been left intact.) 1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CAR AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM. 2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT. 3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31,32 AND ALSO 33. 4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING. 5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP. 6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE. 7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART. 8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS. 9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE. 10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS. 11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT]. 12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK. 13-- ELLIE WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE MISSED HER BUST. 14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. 15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR. 16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY. 17-- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND HER FUNERAL. 18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. 19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL. 20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS. 21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER. 22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR. 23-- MARY WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD FEVER, SORE SROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AND SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER, SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ >From Aaron: Standing on the shore, a Jewish lady watches her grandson playing in the water. She is thunderstruck when she sees a huge wave crash over him. Because when it recedes, the boy is no longer there - vanished! Screaming, she holds her hands to the sky and cries, "Lord, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not scrimped and save so I could tithe to the Temple and contribute to B'nai Brith? Have I not always put others before myself? Have I not always turned my other cheek and loved my neighbors, have I not ...?" A deep loud voice from the sky interrupts, "Enough already, give me a break!'" Immediately another huge wave appears and crashes on the beach. And when it recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing ever happened. The deep loud voice continues, "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?" Grandmother responds, "He had a hat." ____________________________________________________ | Today, on July 16, in 1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured Stony Point, NY. 1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was established as the permanent seat of the United States Government. 1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify the constitution. 1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken near the Florida Keys. 1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to install parking meters. 1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. 1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested foreign Jews. 1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive toward Germany. 1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a test at Alamogordo, NM. 1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was first published. 1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. 1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the first manned mission to land on the moon. 1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing Hasan al-Bakr to resign. 1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 1985 The All-Star Game, televised on NBC-TV, was the first program broadcast in stereo by a TV network. 2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day of release. 2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. 2017 Do smiled. |
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