Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, October 28 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Florida man stole bulldozer, ran down Biden signs _____________________________________________________ Today, October 28 in 1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use fingerprinting. _____________________________________________________ The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison (1934 - ) To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) _____________________________________________________ A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor. "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." The congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river." The congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I had all the whiskey and demon rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river." And the congregation cried, "Amen!" The preacher sat down. The deacon stood up. "For our closing hymn," he announced, "let us turn to page 126 and sing, 'We shall gather at the river'." _____________________________________________________ Sundre, Alberta ___________________________________________________ Newspaper Ad The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. ----------------------------------------------------------------- MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Pbone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948- 0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Blight, 26, Haines City, Floriduh, USA Florida man stole bulldozer, ran down Biden signs A 26-year-old man has been accused of stealing a bulldozer from a Florida construction site, driving it into a neighborhood and knocking down campaign signs for Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, according to authorities and homeowners. The man took the bulldozer in Haines City on Saturday and repeatedly destroyed Biden signs in full view of people who live in the neighborhood, witnesses said. James Blight was charged with grand theft auto and trespassing, according to the Haines City Police Department. Former Vice Mayor Adam Burgess lives in the central Florida neighborhood, which he said is predominantly Black. He called it a hate crime. This man came onto my property, took the two Joe Biden signs I had in my yard and then came back with a bulldozer to run down my fence, Burgess told Bay News 9. Video taken by the news outlet showed the damaged fences. Blight was also accused of bulldozing down a city speed limit sign, among other signs. Police said Blight claimed he was too drunk at the time to remember what happened. It was not immediately clear whether he has an attorney who could comment on his behalf. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Larry RE: UNinstall obsolete programs Dear Webby, Thank you. Can you tell me how to do that. I have never uninstalled anything. Too old to ask my kids, they are grandparents and only a little better than me with confusers. Larry Dear Larry Get the REVO Uninstaller. Revo You will be surprised how much useless junk it finds! It will list each program and tell you if it is worth keeping, or not. Quite civilized! Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A farmer, talking to a neighbor, is bragging about his favorite pig that he owns. He points the pig out to the neighbor. The neighbor said, "That pig only has three legs--He ain't worth a hoot." The farmer indignantly replied, "That pig saved my life! One day I was on my tractor plowing the field near a ditch when my tractor got too close to the ditch and turned on it's side trapping me below it with mud up to my nose. That pig burrowed under the tractor and got me by the back of my collar and dragged me to safety." "That's marvelous!" said the neighbor, "But what about the three legs?" "Oh, a prize pig like that, you just don't eat all at once!" replied the farmer. ____________________________________________ A woman was in court charged with wounding her husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked the judge. "Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "I didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife." ____________________________________________ An Irishman sees a job advert published on a building site, 'handy man wanted; apply within'. So he does and speaks to the foreman. Foreman: Can you drive a forklift truck? Irish man: No Foreman: can you plaster? Irish man: No Foreman: Can you lay brick? Irish man: No Foreman: If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you? Irish man: I live only five minutes down the road. ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today October 28 in 1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the American Revolutionary War. 1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. 1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty Enlightening the World." 1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use fingerprinting. 1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government and introduced fascism to Italy. 1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece. 1949 U.S. President Harry Truman swore in Eugenie Moore Anderson as the U.S. ambassador to Denmark. Anderson was the first woman to hold the post of ambassador. 1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of collective guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. 1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO, was completed. 1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related convictions. 1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution "deeply deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada. 1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union. 1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution of the drug after the government of France demanded it do so. 1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing. 1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military leaders. 2020 Do smiled. |
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