Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, October 28 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Merced dope steals her baby from hospital Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Oct 28 in 1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts. The original name was Court of Massachusetts Bay Colony. It was the first school of higher education in America. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. --- Rich Cook ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Overheard at Home Depot Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?" The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this tale: A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny----------"I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer---------" You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny----------"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny----------"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00." Farmer---------"Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny----------"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephanie Belden, 35 Merced, California Merced dope steals her baby from hospital A California woman faces child endangerment charges after she allegedly stuffed her newborn into a duffel bag and kidnapped the baby from the hospital, according to the Merced Sun-Star. Police say 35-year-old Stephanie Belden didn't want her newborn baby to be taken away after testing positive for meth during childbirth on Aug. 17. Police met with her three hours prior to let her know the child was going to be detained, as is customary, if a newborn tests positive for meth or heroin. The biological mother wasn't very happy with that, went back up, made her way into the maternity ward and cut off the alarm bracelet off the newborn baby, put the newborn baby in a duffel bag and walked out of the hospital, Fresno Police Lt. Jay Struble told KFSN. A nurse noticed the child was missing around 7:30 p.m. and officers were called at 7:36 p.m. Belden was arrested at 7:58 p.m. after police found her hiding at her house. Other than dopey, the baby was OK. Belden was booked into the Merced County Jail on suspicion of kidnapping, child stealing, child endangerment and a county-parole violation, according to jail records. She remained in custody Friday without bail. Belden has a lengthy criminal history in Merced County. She has been in and out of custody numerous times since at least 2013 on a string of mostly drug and theft-related cases, according to jail and court records. Belden made headlines in 2015 in Merced after police said she escaped from the back of a California Highway Patrol car while handcuffed. She'd initially been arrested on suspicion of driving a stolen car, authorities said. Belden was captured a few weeks later, allegedly driving another stolen car on Beachwood Drive on the outskirts of Merced. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Wipe old computer Dear Webby, What is a good, quick, and easy way to errase all information on a hard drive without deleting the operating system? David Do a search for *.doc, *.wpd, *.qpw, *.xls, *.mbx, *.toc,*.txt, *.jpg, *.gif, etc. and delete those. Also delete all files in the Attachment and Embedded folder of the mail program. You can clean cookies and history with CrapCleaner or Spybot-Search&Destroy. Then, if you want, you can use Spybot to shred the files in the recycle bin. Usually, though, it's just as fast to format and re-install Windows as it is to do a thorough job on cleaning a drive. You can call the manufacturer`s support and ask them how to do a format and re-install from the hidden safety copy of Windows. Since you don`t get disks with Windows anymore, they put it onto a hidden partition, that does not get touched when you format the machine. The procedure is fairly fast and easy, but not the same for all machines. Call support and have your machine model and numbers ready. Quite often they are put on a spot, that you can`t see when you use the machine. Just write them down and have them ready. They WILL ask for them! Have FUN! DearWebby Paul came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Greg, noticed and asked Paul what happened. Paul replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Greg, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Paul, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs and put my foot through the television screen." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Cookie for this: ALL GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING : Do NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Canadian Club whiskey and women with big boobs." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com 5 Tips for Winter Houseplants By Donna [433 Posts, 413 Comments] Add coffee grounds into your potting soil to maintain moisture during the winter months. Use your cooled veggie water to give your houseplants some natural fertilizer. Stand your plants on a bed of pebbles or shells and water the dish to maintain some moisture for the plants. Indoor winter heat plays havoc on plants. Dust your leaves to help them get maximum sunlight and try to group them together since it will increase their moisture support! Drop a few drops of hydrogen peroxide into your plant water. It helps prevent rot. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Be careful with the coffee grounds! Some plants don`t like their acidity at all! ____________________________________________________ Bob heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays. So, on his 21st birthday, Bob and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted. When Bob and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Bob stepped off of the side of the boat ... and nearly drowned. When he tried to climb back into the boat, he tipped it, and Brian also nerly drowned. Hanging on to the capsized boat, they slowly pushed it back to shore. When Bob arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him did on their 21st birthday?" The feeble old grandmother took Bob by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in October." __________________________________________________ | | Headstones that defy expectations. |
Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?" I suggested he try out for football, or maybe boxing. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth." ____________________________________________________ | Today, October 28, in 1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts. The original name was Court of Massachusetts Bay Colony. It was the first school of higher education in America. 1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the American Revolutionary War. 1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. 1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty Enlightening the World." 1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use fingerprinting. 1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government and introduced fascism to Italy. 1936 The Statue of Liberty was rededicated by U.S. President Roosevelt on its 50th anniversary. 1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece. 1949 U.S. President Harry Truman swore in Eugenie Moore Anderson as the U.S. ambassador to Denmark. Anderson was the first woman to hold the post of ambassador. 1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of collective guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. 1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO, was completed. 1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related convictions. 1982 Soviet premier Leonid Brezhnev condemned the U.S. for arms buildup. 1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution "deeply deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada. 1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union. 1986 The centennial of the Statue of Liberty was celebrated in New York. 1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution of the drug after the government of France demanded it do so. 1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing. 1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military leaders. 1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that all the troops there would be home by Christmas. 2017 Do smiled. |
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