Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, March 15 The oracle warned Cesar about the Ides of March, (March 15) Guard your back, senators are on the loose! Thank you, Bonita!!! Have FUN! DearWebby With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Naked Oregon man walked into stranger's home, said 'Hi', got chased away and fell off cliff. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 15, in 44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking Roman Senators. The oracle had warned him about the "Ides of March." (March 15) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lucy from Alabama for this one. After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). The husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules, did taxidermy and sold Amway) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me" Next the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. After that he told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Trisha got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get caught in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got caught in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, but you can follow me over to K-Mart" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Yesterday's Darwin Award was a hoax, that had been repeated by all kinds of sites. Sorry about that! Thanks to Subscriber Frank for alerting me to my goof. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephen Burton, 30, Pendleton, Oregon Naked Oregon man walked into stranger's home, said 'Hi', got chased away and fell off cliff. First his penis was dangling, and then he was - off a cliff. A man in Pendleton, Oregon, is behind bars after allegedly walking naked into the home of a woman he didn't know. "Hi, honey," he supposedly said, while trying to hug her. Officials said they later rescued him after he fell off a cliff and got caught upside-down in a tree. He was still naked. Gail Wilson was at home eating soup Saturday afternoon when the naked man appeared in her doorway. He had a big grin on his face, she told the East Oregonian newspaper. He came walking toward me with his arms open wide. I kept saying Get away from me. Get out of my house." Wilson, who suffers from muscular dystrophy, feared for her life. I thought, This is it, Im going to be raped or murdered,' Wilson told the paper. Id more or less accepted my fate. Today was my day. But I wasnt going to let him take me gently. Wilson shoved the naked intruder and told him to get away. She said the man grabbed her dog and took it into one of her bedrooms for a few minutes, according to KPTV.com. Wilson called 911. The dispatcher told her to ask the man his name, but that made him mad, and he ran out the door just as police arrived. The naked suspect, later identified as 30-year-old Stephen Burton, tried to escape by climbing a fence, that had been installed to keep people from falling down the cliff, shortly before falling. Burton was hanging upside down from a tree by his ankle, Pendleton Police Chief Stuart Roberts told MyColumbiaBasin.com. During this time, he was aggressive, non-cooperative. At one point, he even tried to pull the handgun from one of the assistant deputys holster. We worked to keep him calm, Dwight Johnson, an Umatilla County Sheriffs Deputy, told EastOregonian.com. He said Burton seemed to be in a state known as excited delirium that is sometimes triggered by drugs. Burton was booked at the Umatilla County Jail on charges of burglary, harassment, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Weather site Dear Webby Do you know of a icon that will have the weather and temp. the is also free? Fred Dear Fred Go to http://www.theweathernetwork.com/ca/weather/alberta/black-diamond They will show you MY weather. Change the location in that, or sign up and put in your location and preferences. Then, when you get the weather for your town or village, drag the tiny icon from the left of the URL onto your desktop. That icon will then be your link to your weather. You can, of course, change the icon by RIGHT clicking it, Properties, Web Document Change Icon There are hundreds of icons in Windows, and you can also create your own. If you don't know how to create new icons, send me a picture that you want reduced to an icon. regular JPG is fine. I'll mail you a .ICO file back. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind ?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Question: Wine Stains on Crystal By carolyn [4 Posts] How do I clean a red wine stain left in the bottom of a crystal glass? By Carolyn from Sydney, NSW Fill the decanter with a cup of cold water add 2 tablespoons of uncooked rice. Put the stoper on and hold it down while shaking the decanter, the rice will scrub the stain off. ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ Joe said to his wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road except one." She replied, " Hmmm, I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23." ___________________________________________________ | an old trick with a new twist |
____________________________________________________ A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, she just fainted!" ____________________________________________________ Fred was in the hospital after a bad accident. He was in stable condition and expected to recover soon, but relatives from far and near were there visiting him. When the pastor heard about that he decided to pop in and get re-aquainted with them all. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate suddenly and he frantically motioned for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all. We'll let his widow read to us the last words Fred had for us." And with that he handed the note to Fred's widow. She opened the note, and read, "Step back, you idiot! You're standing on my oxygen tube!" ____________________________________________________ | Gregory Klassen transforms knots and live edges into rivers and lakes and they're gorgeous! |
| Today on March 15 44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking Roman Senators. The oracle had warned him about the "Ides of March." (March 15) 1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed between Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first New World voyage. 1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage around the world. 1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach Alexandria, LA. 1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John McCloskey, was named the first American cardinal. 1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting machine. 1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It was the first escalator. 1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to work after a weeklong strike. 1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 square miles were now controlled by the U.K. 1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled Port Arthur in Korea. 1907 In Finland, women won their first seats in the Finnish Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans. 1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops under General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit Pancho Villa. The mission failed. 1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the country gained nominal independence from Britain. 1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned four Berlin newspapers. 1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook County Hospital. 1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of Czechoslovakia. 1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 15,000 civilians were killed and all buildings demolished. 1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence after agreement on a constitution. 1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years after the end of World War II. 1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops for the fight in Vietnam. 1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 1956 The musical "My Fair Lady" opened on Broadway. 1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve. 1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married. 1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling gold. 1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long state of siege and suspended the nation's constitution for one day. This came a day after anti-government rebels destroyed two bridges near the Honduran border. 1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end with the installation of a civilian government. 1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound all fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes were found in Philadelphia, PA. 1989 The U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs became the 14th Department in the President's Cabinet. 1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged for spying. 1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president of the Soviet Union. 1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force in the Baltic republic. Lithuania told them where to stuff it. 1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the televised beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. 1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a week of anit-communist protests. 1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear testing until September of 1995. 1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to demand independence for Kosovo. 1998 CBS' "60 Minutes" aired an interview with former White House employee Kathleen Willey. Wiley said U.S. President Clinton made unwelcome sexual advances toward her in the Oval Office in 1993. 2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally by a fast food chain. 2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning her five children on June 20, 2001. 2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear arms against states that don't have them. 2004 Clive Woodall's novel "One for Sorrow: Two for Joy" was published. Two days later Woodall sold the film rights to Walt Disney Co. for $1 million. 2016 Do smiled. |
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