Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, July 18 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Key West dealer jailed for stuffing Cookie Monster with cocaine Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 18 in 0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. Except for Govt buildings, it had been mostly rather crude and very dry wood buildings. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) They certainly give very strange names to diseases. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Tabitha, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the most attractive wives." His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Four retired guys are walking down a street in Mesa, Ariz. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar . . . . ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!" They look at each other, then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis -- shaken, not stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." The four men stare at the bartender for a moment, then look at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "Here's my story," the bartender said. "I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same." "Wow. That's quite a story," says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "Oh, they're from Florida. They're waiting for happy hour at 5 o'clock when drinks are half price." (I'm not picking on Florida! Sandie from Florida sent me that story, and her neighbor works in a bar.). ______________________________________________________ Your Ex checking on you! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Camus Lorenzo McNair, 39, Key West, Florida Key West dealer jailed for stuffing Cookie Monster with cocaine A Florida Keys man is facing a pair of felony narcotics charges after cops discovered two packages of cocaine hidden in a Cookie Monster doll that was inside the accused trafficker's backpack. According to investigators, Camus Lorenzo McNair, 39, was pulled over early this morning on a Marathon street after a sheriff's deputy noticed that the Dodge he was driving had its license plate obscured. When McNair rolled down his window, the deputy smelled marijuana, prompting a search of the vehicle. When Deputy Orey Swilley opened the backpack, he noticed that the doll seemed a bit heavy. Upon spotting a slit cut into the blue Sesame Street doll, Swilley probed further and retrieved a pair of packages containing cocaine. The seized packages, cops say, contained a total of 314 grams of cocaine (slightly more than 2/3 of a pound). Charged with cocaine trafficking and possession of drug equipment, McNair, a Key West resident, was booked into the Monroe County jail, where bond has not been set. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: IE PopUps Dear Webby, I went to the link you provided and followed the instructions. It worked perfectly! No more IE pop up with Straight Dope. Thanks again for your help. All the best. Bill Dear Bill Glad it worked. Does not say much about that "Straight Dope" site, if they use sleazy pop-ups like that. Really cuts down their credibility! Have FUN! DearWebby The newlyweds had decided to take Amtrak's "Car Train" to Florida, so they would have the mobility of being able to use their own vehicle on the honeymoon. They settled into one of the train's upper berths together and cuddled. As the night progressed, the new bride was heard to say quite excitedly a number of times, "I just can't believe that we're finally married, Dewayne." After about the 3rd time in five minutes, a voice came out of the dark, "Dammit, Dewayne! Will you please CONVINCE her so we can all get some sleep?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Steam Clean Your Microwave To clean the inside of your microwave of splatters of food without any chemicals, fill a soup bowl halfway with water and put in the microwave on high power for five minutes. Let it set for 1 minute. Take the soup bowl out (be careful, it will be hot), then use a wet sponge to wipe away the splatters. Almost no scrubbing will be necessary. You can cut a lemon or lime and put in the water before putting in the microwave to makes it smell good, but it is not necessary. By Thriftygirl from Boston, MA ____________________________________________________ | | Alone in the Wilderness - Part 1 |
____________________________________________________ I couldn't help overhearing a man talking to his phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma, you're 78 years old! You don't NEED a tramp stamp!" ___________________________________________________ | | Amazing places on our planet. |
___________________________________________________ While interviewing job applicats I was talking to an attractive young woman. Looking over the application form, I noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work. "What about your bus line?" I asked her. "I don't believe I mentioned it," came the pleased reply, "but it's a 39DD." Hmmm. That number is probably related to typing speed. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an example." The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned first." ____________________________________________________ | Today, on July 18, in 0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. Except for Govt buildings, it had been mostly rather crude wood buildings. 1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 1743 "The New York Weekly Journal" published the first half-page newspaper ad. 1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to back the French Revolution. 1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace with Russia and Sweden. 1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing for secret election ballots. 1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation division called the Signal Corps. 1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St. Lawrence Seaway. 1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to fight to the last man against the invading Italian army. 1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General Body Company's factory in Chicago, IL. 1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in combat, made its first flight. 1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle of the hedgerows. 1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in World War II. 1970 Ron Hunt (San Francisco Giants) was hit by a pitch for the 119th time in his career. 1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull their troops out of Vietnam. 2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several days. 2017 Do smiled. |
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