Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 19 Had the first raspberries today! Yeah, I know, in the lowlands they have ripened a long time ago, but here in the foothills of the Rockies they finally ripened now. There are going to be lots this year! Thank you, Claude! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Police recognize man fleeing on stolen motorcycle, wait for him at his house Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 19 in 1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge. --- Enrico Fermi (1901 - 1954) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Two highway patrolmen stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one cop turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replied, "I don't know." So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, the ticket will get dismissed." The second cop said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon Briggs, 38, West Jordan, Utah Police recognize man fleeing on stolen motorcycle, wait for him at his house Police recognize man fleeing from them on stolen motorcycle, dump out of the chase and wait for him at his house to make arrest. A West Jordan man is facing charges after fleeing from police on a stolen motorcycle during a traffic stop for what police said was a simple traffic violation. West Jordan Police said they made the stop around eight o'clock Saturday night near 7000 S. Redwood Road, the motorcyclist quickly took off. However, officers decided not to follow the man, because they recognized him. Instead officers went to 38-year-old Brandon Briggs' home and waiting for him to return. About an hour after the stop police said Briggs showed up at his house and was taken into custody without incident. Police later found out that the motorcycle had been stolen. The bike was found crashed nearby, it is unclear if Briggs caused the crash. Briggs has been charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, failure to stop at the command of an officer and violation of parole or probation. Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Erratic monitor Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Your hunor letter and my first cup of coffee make my morning. I have an older computer and I'm on a fixed income and can't afford a new one. What's happening is that everything is spread out beyond the sides of the screen. Sometimes it jumps back to normal. Is there anything that can be done? Thank you, Bev. Compaq Dear Beverly That sounds like a monitor that needs what we techs call "Percussive Maintenance". You whack the monitor a good slap with your hand. Then it will usually behave for a while. However, it's definitely destined for a one way trip to the recycling depot. 1) Turn the couch upside down and shake out the lost coins to start your monitor replacement fund. 2) Do a spring cleaning and sell a bunch of stuff on ebay. 3) Select a monitor that fits your desk and budget. A good source is http://pricegrabber.com Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!", he replied, "We are getting married next month!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Wacky laws: Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. Pennsylvania: No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (That ordinance was passed after some floors collapsed onto the tenants on the floor below from the weight of the dirt under the rugs.) Washington: All lollipops are banned. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town. (That is why senators use chauffeurs) ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Putting Out Oven Fires Keep salt or baking soda close at hand to throw on oven fires in the bottom of your oven. Once the oven has cooled, it will aid in cleaning up the spill that caused the fire. The same applies for stove-top and barbecue. You can also use sand, dirt from a potted plant, ANYTHING EXCEPT WATER! Never use water on a grease fire. Water will turn the oil or grease into a napalm like substance and spaltter it all over. It turns one little fire into many big ones instantly. Most people have an open box of baking soda in the fridge and cupboard to absorb odors. Know where yours is, in case you have to quickly grab it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | People Are Awesome Presents: Tosca Rivola-Cyr Wheel |
___________________________________________________ A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grand-mother's meatloaf for dinner tonight and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right, because it's the one you gave me. But, it just didn't come out right and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George, because he loves meatloaf. What could have gone wrong"? Her mother replied soothing-ly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud, and tell me exactly what you did at each step and to-gether we'll figure it out." "Okay," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, 'Take fifty cents worth of ground beef.' ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?" The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!" To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...." To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!" ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 19 in 1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau League to fight against the Reformation. 1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen. 1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market. 1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 1870 France declared war on Prussia. 1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use fiberglass sutures. 1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the U.S. Atlantic coast due to effective American anti-submarine countermeasures. 1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24 bombers attacked Rome for the first time. 1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 1971 In New York, the topping out ceremony for Two World Trade Center (South Tower) took place. The ceremony for One World Trade Center had taken place on December 23, 1970. 1974 The House Judiciary Committee recommended that U.S. President Richard Nixon should stand trial in the Senate for any of the five impeachment charges against him. 1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after being linked in orbit for two days. 1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was overthrown by the Sandinista National Liberation Front (Frente Sandinista de Liberacin Nacional or FSLN). 1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the population had an income below the official poverty level in 1981. 1985 George Bell won first place in a biggest feet contest with a shoe size of 28-1/2. Bell, at age 26, stood 7 feet 10 inches tall. 1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be the first schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle. She died with six others when the Challenger exploded the following year. 2018 Do smiled. |
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