| Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, July 17 ____________________________________________________ History: today, July 17 in 1966, Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North Vietnam forces to defend against American air strikes. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead eorge Eveleth, 70. Charged With Sexual Battery On Child Less Than 12 Years Of Age ___________________________________________________ Q Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) __________________________________________________ A wife one evening drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple ? How loving they are ? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that ? she asked. The husband replied "I tried that once, but she slapped me." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ Proustite1 ___________________________________________________ ===From Jennifer can you send me tyhe joke about the man who goes into church asking for the head hog at the trough and the secretary gets upset because of the man calling the pastor a hog etc. will you email me the joke again? thanks Jennifer==== Sure. That one has been a favorite and been asked for quite a few times since I first featured it in 94. Here it is: One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?" The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!" To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...." To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!" ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock George Eveleth, 70, USA eorge Eveleth Charged With Sexual Battery On Child Less Than 12 Years Of Age George Eveleth of Boca Raton has been arrested and charged with sexual battery on a child, according to jail records released to Boca Post by the Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office. George Eveleth, 70, who lives on the 10000 block of North Branch Road in Watergate Estates, a mobile home community in western unincorporated Boca Raton, has been arrested by the Palm Beach Sheriffs Office. While the official arrest report is still being processed, Boca Post has been notified that Eveleth has been charged with sexual battery on a child (less than 12 years of age). Watergate Estates is a high-crime subdivision in West Boca Raton, known to be home to many sex offenders. In fact, a search of FDLEs sex offender registry lists two known sexual predators who live less than 150 feet from Eveleths home on North Branch Road. Eveleth was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail at 3:24 AM on Tuesday, June 6th, 2023. ___________________________________________________ A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the LAWN MOWER! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having dated his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "If you're serious about this, a dipping just won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you overnight." I passed. ___________________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know that you are on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." ____________________________________________________ Trying to control her frizzy and dry hair, Kay treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor than that her hair obviously needed it, she washed her hair several times with strong soap. That night when Kay went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?" "Why ?" he asked, pulling back. "Do I smell like Popeye?" ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for sending this: a href="http://webby.com/humor/i/FromLinda-L.jpg"> Linda ___________________________________________________ Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "Im going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving." ___________________________________________________ Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits From: Gina Re: Irish Fruitcake Dear Webby Have you still got your Irish Fruitcake recipe somewhere ? I lost the URL for it. and need it now! Gina Dear Gina I sure do. The permanent location for it is at http://webby.com/humor/irish-fruitcake.html Have Fun! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Whatever," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination.'" "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Whatever, I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity.... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today July 17, in 1212, The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade. 1453, France defeated England at Castillon, France, which ended the 100 Years' War. 1785, France limited the importation of goods from Britain. 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte surrendered to the British at Rochefort, France. 1821, Spain ceded Florida to the U.S. 1862, National cemeteries were authorized by the U.S. government. 1866, Authorization was given to build a tunnel beneath the Chicago River. The three-year project cost $512,709. 1867, Harvard School of Dental Medicine was established in Boston, MA. It was the first dental school in the U.S. 1898, U.S. troops under General William R. Shafter took Santiago de Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 1917, The British royal family adopted the Windsor name. 1941, Brigadier General Soervell directed Architect G. Edwin Bergstrom to have basic plans and architectural perspectives for an office building that could house 40,000 War Department employees on his desk by the following Monday morning. The building became known as the Pentagon. 1945, U.S. President Truman, Soviet leader Josef Stalin and British Prime Minister Winston S. Churchill began meeting at Potsdam in the final Allied summit of World War II. During the meeting Stalin made the comment that "Hitler had escaped." 1946, Chinese communists opened a drive against the Nationalist army on the Yangtze River. 1950, The television show "The Colgate Comedy Hour" debuted featuring Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. 1954, The Brooklyn Dodgers made history as the first team with a majority of black players. 1955, Disneyland opened in Anaheim, CA. 1960, Francis Gary Powers pled guilty to spying charges in a Moscow court after his U-2 spy plane was shot down over the Soviet Union. 1966, Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North Vietnam forces to defend against American air strikes. 1975, An Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft in orbit. It was the first link up between the U.S. and Soviet Union. 1979, Nicaraguan President Anastasio Somoza resigned and fled to Miami, FL, in exile. 1986, The largest bankruptcy filing in U.S. history took place when LTV Corporation asked for court protection from more than 20,000 creditors. LTV Corp. had debts in excess of $4 billion. 1987, Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North and rear Admiral John Poindexter begin testifying to Congress at the "Iran- Contra" hearings. 1995, The Nasdaq composite stock index rose above 1,000 for the first time. 1997, After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its last 400 stores. 1998, Biologists reported that they had deciphered the genome (genetic map) of the syphilis bacterium. 2008, In China, construction of the Shanghai World Financial Center was completed. 2023, Do smiled.
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