Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, March 13 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ Today, March 13 in 1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. ______________________________________________________ If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004) If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | Today's Bonehead Award: Wichita man gets more than 23 years in prison for child sex crimes __________________________________________ It is against the law for a pilot to tickle a female flying student under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention. --Columbia, PA It is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane. --Pocataligo, GA Lingerie can't be hung on a clothesline at the airport unless the undies are carefully hidden from prying eyes by a "suitable screen". --Kidderville, NH No female shall appear in a bathing suit at any airport in this state unless she is escorted by two officers or unless she is armed with a club. The provisions of this statue shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses. --Kentucky It is a violation of local law for any pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while either flying or waiting to board a plane. --Lowes Crossroads, Delaware Pilots and passengers are prohibited from eating onions between the hours of 7 A.M. and 7 P.M. --Bluff, Utah Citizens are not allowed to enter an airplane within four hours of eating garlic. --Wakefield, RI No female wearing a nightgown can be taken for a flight on a private plane. --Headland, AL It is against the law to eat ice cream in the local airport with a fork. --Bicknell, IN No married man can go flying on Sunday. --Burdoville, VT No married man can go flying without his spouse along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months. --West Union, OH No one can play cards on the airport grounds with a woman, a child, or an Indian. --White Horse, NM No one -- man, woman, or child -- can be seen flying while barefoot. --Fairplay, CO Don't let your horse fall asleep in the airport. -- Peewee, West Virginia Women who are single, widowed, or divorced are banned from parachuting on Sunday. --Crawford, Nebraska No turtle races shall be held at the airport. --Bourbon, Mississippi People cannot play checkers at the airport, "lest they acquire a taste for gambling." --Clearbrook, Minnesota Citizens cannot carry a slingshot on an airplane without special permission. --Okanogan, WA No pilot can eat unshelled roasted peanuts or watermelon while flying. --Leadwood, Missouri No person is allowed to read the Sunday paper while sitting in a chair at the airport while church services are going on. --Upperville, VA No flyer may wear a pair of pants with hip pockets while flying. --Guyman, OK Gargling is prohibited while flying. --Hackberry, Arizona Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited. --Halstead, Kansas It is against the law to sneeze in an airplane. --Lynch Heights, Delaware No flying instructor "can place his arm around a woman without a good and lawful reason" (while flying). --Rock Springs, WY Juggling in front of an airplane is illegal. -- Wellsboro, PA Roosters may crow, only if it is done at least 300 feet from the It is against the law for a pilot to tickle a female flying student under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention. --Columbia, PA It is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane. --Pocataligo, GA Lingerie can't be hung on a clothesline at the airport unless the undies are carefully hidden from prying eyes by a "suitable screen". --Kidderville, NH No female shall appear in a bathing suit at any airport in this state unless she is escorted by two officers or unless she is armed with a club. The provisions of this statue shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses. --Kentucky It is a violation of local law for any pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while either flying or waiting to board a plane. --Lowes Crossroads, Delaware Pilots and passengers are prohibited from eating onions between the hours of 7 A.M. and 7 P.M. --Bluff, Utah Citizens are not allowed to enter an airplane within four hours of eating garlic. --Wakefield, RI No female wearing a nightgown can be taken for a flight on a private plane. --Headland, AL It is against the law to eat ice cream in the local airport with a fork. --Bicknell, IN No married man can go flying on Sunday. --Burdoville, VT No married man can go flying without his spouse along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months. -- West Union, OH No one can play cards on the airport grounds with a woman, a child, or an Indian. --White Horse, NM No one -- man, woman, or child -- can be seen flying while barefoot. --Fairplay, CO Don't let your horse fall asleep in the airport. -- Peewee, West Virginia Women who are single, widowed, or divorced are banned from parachuting on Sunday. --Crawford, Nebraska No turtle races shall be held at the airport. --Bourbon, Mississippi People cannot play checkers at the airport, "lest they acquire a taste for gambling." --Clearbrook, Minnesota Citizens cannot carry a slingshot on an airplane without special permission. --Okanogan, WA No pilot can eat unshelled roasted peanuts or watermelon while flying. --Leadwood, Missouri No person is allowed to read the Sunday paper while sitting in a chair at the airport while church services are going on. -- Upperville, VA No flyer may wear a pair of pants with hip pockets while flying. --Guyman, OK Gargling is prohibited while flying. --Hackberry, Arizona Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited. --Halstead, Kansas It is against the law to sneeze in an airplane. --Lynch Heights, Delaware No flying instructor "can place his arm around a woman without a good and lawful reason" (while flying). --Rock Springs, WY Juggling in front of an airplane is illegal. -- Wellsboro, PA Roosters may crow, only if it is done at least 300 feet from the airport. --Stugis, Michigan airport. --Stugis, Michigan __________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for sending this picture: __________________________________________ A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" An old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carlos Martinez, 56, Wichita, Kansas Wichita man gets more than 23 years in prison for child sex crimes A 56-year-old Wichita man has been sentenced to more than 23 years in prison for multiple counts of rape and sexual exploitation of a child. The Sedgwick County district attorney's office said Carlos Martinez was sentenced Tuesday to 280 months. He pleaded guilty in January. In November of 2018, a relative was cleaning and looked at Martinez's phone to find out whose it was. The relative discovered sexually explicit photos of a then-10-year-old girl who occasionally stayed overnight at the Martinez home in south Wichita. The victim is now 17 years old. After the Exploited and Missing Child Unit investigated, Martinez was charged with three counts of rape and six counts of sexual exploitation of a child. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: Laptop or desktop Dear Webby, Which is better, a laptop or a desktop? Irene Today is Friday, March 13 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Dear Irene The question should be, which is better FOR YOU? If you do your work in a coffee shop or park bench, then of course a laptop is better for you. If you always work in the same office, and like big monitors, then a desktop is better for you. Sure, you can add ONE big monitor to your small laptop, but with a desktop, you can have TWO big monitors. If you do accounting and always run out of space and have to scroll and slide your spreadsheet, or wish you could have two spreadsheets open side by side, then a desktop is better for you. With a desktop you can have two identical monitors side by side, and have either one spreadsheet smoothly extending over two monitors, or have different ones side by side. For example, you can have one monitor showing your weekly or monthly data, and copy paste them onto the annual data on the other. If you are screaming: "Yeah, THAT is what I need!", then get a desktop and two identical 16" monitors. If none of that makes sense and you just want to go to the coffee shop and do your mail and chat, then get a laptop. The cost is about the same. A desktop and two monitors costs the same as a laptop. Don't worry about how long they will last. Microsoft will soon come out with a new version of Windows, that will make machines built for the current version too slow for work. Right now, for example, even though nobody except for the computer vendors wanted a new version, they came out with W10, which is a real snail when run on a Windows7 machine. They will keep doing that, and in a few years you will need to buy a new machine. Just get what is best for you now, and don't worry about Windows12 just yet. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | ____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in OshKosh, Wisconsin.." He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about human sexuality that tend to go around." "Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?" "Well", she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, its the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!" "Tonto!" the man says, "Tonto Goldstein! But my friends call me 'Bubba'! _____________________________________________ People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world. How cute! Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY. Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR. Sign in men's rest room in Japan: TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION. On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP. In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO. One of the Mathare buildings: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE. A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS. In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. In a cemetery PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Sign in Japanese public bath: FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN. Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM. Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE. Hotel lobby, Bucharest: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE. Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK. Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY. Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION. Taken from a menu, Poland: SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION. Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE. From the "Soviet Weekly": THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS. In an East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS. Hotel, Vienna: IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS. A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE. In a Swiss mountain inn: SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. ____________________________________________ A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they attended a party. When the man decided it was time to go home and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well, he shouted across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, finally shouted back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of three!" ____________________________________________ No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. | ___________________________________________________ Today March 13 in 0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the colony of Virginia. 1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the American army. 1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle Sam cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business and that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated at $300 million. 1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar." 1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for donations. 1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in France. 1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been declared by President Roosevelt. 1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem confirming some biblical history. 1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of a treaty in Moscow. 1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the U.S.S.R. 1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman colonel in the U.S. Army. 1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tank units were stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the cost of caring for war refugees. 1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first time in newspapers across the country. 1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the conclusion of a mission that included the successful testing of the Lunar Module. 1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted. 1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 1988 The board of trustees of Gallaudet University in Washington, DC, chose I. King Jordan to be its first deaf president. The college is a liberal arts college for the hearing-impaired. 1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Alaskan oil spill. 1997 Sister Nirmala was chosen by India's Missionaries of Charity to succeed Mother Teresa as leader of the Catholic order. 2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, upright- walking humans that were descending the side of a volcano. 2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopdia Britannica announced it would discontinue its print edition. 2020 Do smiled. |
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Go to TOP Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address: newsletter@newslettercollector.com UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . | Search the web for: Recommended Resources Find a human Bypass voice menus Web Tools handy program downloads SPAM CONTROL made Easy! Click here for a FREE 30 day trial This is the Mail Washer that I use and have used for over 10 years. I have tested many others, but Mail Washer is still The Best spam control UNinstall completely and safely whatever you don't want anymore. I have used it for many years and highly recommend it. It even does an inventory of what you got and shows long forgotten stuff. Choose a reliable essay writing service to cope with your assignments much faster. Crap Cleaner Safely get rid of tons of useless crap left over from old, obsolete updates, temp files, lost file fragments, etc. STILL FREE Babelfish Translator Converter Urban Legends Truth or Hoax? Check before believing chain letters Great tool for getting rid of spy-ware and mal-ware. Still FREE This Undeleter will easily and securely recover deleted files from hard drives, flash drives, USB external drives, Zip drives, Firewire drives, digital camera cards, and more. This powerful recovery software can recover deleted files from most data loss scenarios. Is your data worth recovery? SmartFix The ONLY Registry Fixer, that I recommend! All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price! Where is YOUR site? Web Space for YOU, from $2.50 up. Commercal grade: No ads, no limits. Full control, not just a myspace page. Post your eBay detail pictures. Domain Name registration: Discuss your needs first, don't just register a name, that might not be good for you! Ask DearWebby first. That will save you a lot of money! YOUR OWN Postcard Site ! You too can easily have a postcard site for business or fun. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Cumuli Ezine Finder: Etiquette To Get Read Ebook with power tips for effective writing, by DearWebby Ads are $50 per month for subscribers only. $60 per month for anybody else.
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