Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, November 18 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Woman who identified as a vampire stabbed boyfriend 'because he was a werewolf'  ______________________________________________________ Today, November 18 in 1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people. --- Peter McArthur The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep. --- Da Funk ______________________________________________________ "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast?" said the new husband. "Toast and juice," the bride replied. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "Hey, how'd you do that?" "I could tell you sir," the magician answered, "but then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause the man yelled back, "Ok then... just tell my wife!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Do and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Do went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Do came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Do, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Donny for this picture of his early Christmas Cactus   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Ekaterina Tirskaya, 22, Novosibirsk, Russia  Woman who identified as a vampire stabbed boyfriend 'because he was a werewolf'  A woman who thought she was a vampire from a TV show stabbed her new boyfriend to try and 'fulfil her mission to slay werewolves'. Ekaterina Tirskaya, 22, believed she was Elena Gilbert, the main character in fantasy drama The Vampire Diaries, she told police. A psychological assessment carried out before her trial in Novosibirsk, Russia, reportedly found her to be sane. Tirskaya and her unnamed lover slept together for the first time after meeting on social media, the court was told. In the morning she suddenly 'changed', telling him she was a vampire and like Elena Gilbert, played by Canadian actress Nina Dobrev, had to slay werewolves. He said he didn't believe in the supernatural, and urged her to go home, the court heard. 'She grabbed a knife in the kitchen and suddenly attacked him when he was getting out of the bath,' one report said. 'He managed to get hold of the knife. 'But she grabbed another one and stabbed him in the chest.' He staggered out of his flat and banged on neighbours doors pleading for help. They called for an ambulance and police. The man was gravely wounded but survived the February attack. Prosecutor Felix Kuznetsov said she was sentenced to two and a half years in prison after being found guilty of inflicting grievous bodily harm. She was also ordered to pay 3,900 in 'moral damages' to her stabbed lover. 
Bob Re: MailWasher and Malwarebytes  Dear Webby I have finally decided to get mailwasher because i get so much spam every day. I wanted to know if I can keep my Malwarebytes with it. Do I need to keep my virus protection because reading about it, it mentions virus control in it. Thanks, Bob  Dear Bob Yes, sure you can keep MawareBytes! MalwareBytes protects you from evil shit that you get via browsers. MailWasher protects you from spam, and bad stuff coming in via email. The two of them are like a Marine at the front door, and a Navy Seal at your back door. They guard different doors, but both protect you. The nice part about MailWasher, it lets you preview the headers of mail, including the hidden parts that you otherwise never see, and lets you nuke those mails right on the server, without ever downloading that crap. For example, a sender might pretend to be PayPal, and in your email program even look like PayPal. The MailWasher preview shows you IN RED, that the underlying, hidden actual address is a Russian .ru address. And it flags it for Deleting. When you hit F6 to process, that mail goes straight to hell. You don't even have to download it. I use the same addresses since 1994, and they are in all spammer's CDs. So what? I have been using MailWasher since about 1996, and I only see the 100 or so mails, that I actually want to read. By all means GET MailWasher as fast as you can. You have seen messages from people, who have kicked themselves for not getting it a long time ago. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 An English 101 class was asked to write a SHORT essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex, and mystery. The only "A+" in the class read: "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it?" 
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 Thanks to Connie for this classic: A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL". The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name. "But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Disguising Gifts for Curious Kids Assign a number for each person in your family and then put the number on the presents instead of a name. That way, children won't go rummaging through presents to see which presents are theirs. When it is time to open gifts, tell everyone what their number is.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
2018 Comedy Wildlife Awards plus previous years. 
 ___________________________________________________ Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. "So, how'd it go, Harry?" asked Gil. "Terrible," admitted Harry. "The moment we got back to her place the phone started ringing. There must have been fifteen calls from guys wanting to ask her out. It never stopped, and we never got started." Gil tried to comfort him. "It could have been worse, Harry. After all, an attractive young woman's allowed to have her number in the phone book, now isn't she?" "Yeah, but not with a picture in the Yellow Pages." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant. "That's not an offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "A few hours before the store opened."  
 Today November 18 in 1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to sight the continent of Antarctica. 1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the New York "Saturday Press." 1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. rights to build the Panama Canal. 1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916. 1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse. 1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of Francisco Franco. 1959 William Wyler's "Ben-Hur" premiered at Loew's Theater in New York City's Times Square. 1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against eating meat on Fridays. 1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned mission to the moon. 1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium for use in nuclear weapons. 1987 The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report. The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides. 1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation provided the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, staff and patients. 1993 Representatives from 21 South African political parties approved a new constitution. 1997 First Union Corp. announced its purchase of CoreStates Financial Corp. for $16.1 billion. To date it was the largest banking deal in U.S. history. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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