Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, August 11 _____________________________________________________ Today, August 11 in 1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Florida Couple In Public Sex Bust _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) _______________________________________________ With only two tellers working at the bank, the line I was standing in was moving very slowly. As I waited, I began to fill in my withdrawal slip. Not sure of the date, I turned and asked the woman behind me. "It's the fifth," she replied. A man from the back of the line advised, "Don't write it in yet!" ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Meet Amber Mumma, 19, Marcelo Gonzalez, 23, Tampa, Florida Florida Couple In Public Sex Bust The frisky Floridians were arrested yesterday after a Tampa cop spotted them having sex against a car. According to an arrest affidavit, Mumma, 19, and Gonzalez, 23, were trysting in the parking lot of Peabody's Billiards while several onlookers watched. The pair, both of whom work at a Tampa restaurant, are each facing a misdemeanor count of lewd and lascivious behavior. Additionally, Gonzalez was hit with a misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs rap while Mumma was charged with giving officers a phony name. Mumma and Gonzalez are pictured here in mug shots snapped by the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office. According to a police report, Officer Stephen Hiles was patrolling the parking lot when he spotted Mumma with her pants at her knees. Gonzalez was standing behind her with his penis exposed and, according to the cop, was allegedly having sex you know where. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Adrian Re: Is Mac easier than Windows? Dear Webby, Is Mac easier than Windows? Some friends tell me that they don't have the problems on their Mac that everybody seems to have on Windows. What's the real scoop? Adrian Dear Adrian Mac is a cult, not just a machine, just like Harley Davidson. If they look at it realistically, nobody would buy a Harley because of reliability, performance or ease of use. They buy it because their buddies have one, or because they want to become buddies with Harley owners. Btw, I have nothing against Harleys and have ridden one for some time. The same goes for Mac. Their system is trying to be bimbo-proof and cutesy, like Vista or W10 are trying to be. That of course comes with a performance and reliability penalty. Mac shines with music related stuff. If you want to edit 16 tracks of music from your garage band, definitely get a high end Mac. It all depends on what you want to do with the computer. For top performance and reliability, use Linux or UNIX, just like banks and stores and industry use. For good performance and reasonable reliability, use XP or W7 Windows. For cute and pretty interfaces and be buddies with the crowd at Starbucks, use Mac or W10. They all work quite well for their intended purpose. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, "Danger! Beware of Dog" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing their teeth out on the counter." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip. To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza. "Could that have been a tip?" I asked, trying not to sound accusatory. "Yep," he replied proudly. "Not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!" It's too bad he didn't know about how those boxes loose all rigidity when I open the tab with my fingernail. The klutzy kid made a heck of a mess on the hallway carpet. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Leftover Cereal for Casseroles Use leftover or stale cereal as a casserole topper. Just crumble it up and use in place of or in addition to crackers. Fruit Loops (or other sweetened cereal) probably wouldn't work well as a casserole topper, but cheerios and corn flakes can taste fantastic. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | Awesome Archive Ep. 15 | The Best of People Are Awesome! |
___________________________________________________ The party had turned into a marathon with numerous guests coming and going. At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily though no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement. He sat there happily for about an hour before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway. My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Fran for this one: Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times. That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?" "No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?" ___________________________________________________ One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6:00 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6:00, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6:00 AM!" I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, August 11 in 1860 The first successful silver mill in America began operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry S. Parmelee. 1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric light bulb socket with a pull-chain. 1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever use the SOS distress signal off the coast of Cape Hatteras, NC. 1924 Newsreel pictures were taken of U.S. presidential candidates for the first time. 1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal prisoners for the first time. 1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill. 1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced "the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany wins the war." 1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. A formal peace was in place for the French and the Communist Vietminh. 1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched on a 94- hour flight. He was the third Russian to go into space. 1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2" for a landing on the Moon surface test. 1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Counsel had already refused to consider South Korea's application. 1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." 1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in Saudi Arabia to help protect against a possible Iraqi attack. 1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey by landing safely. 1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was the largest shopping mall in the United States. 1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton. 1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the line-item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items in spending and tax bills. 1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies with the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest foreign takeover of a U.S. company. 2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy. 2002 Jason Priestly crashed his car during practice for a race in the Infiniti Pro Series. He suffered a spinal fracture, a moderate concussion, a broken nose, facial lacerations and broken bones in both feet. 2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong peacekeeping force in Afghanistan. 2019 Do smiled. |
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