| Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 7 ___________________________________________________ History: Today, May 7 1998, Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Wichita Man charged for 2007 rapeWichita Man charged for 2007 rape _____________________________________________________ Q Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. --- Wendell Johnson In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. --- Andre Maurois (1885 - 1967) ___________________________________________________ A young mother of a newborn girl announced to her husband, "I've made up my mind. We'll call our daughter Eulalia." The new father did not care for this choice at all, but he was a very tactful young man. He said, "That's fine, honey. The first girl I loved was named Eulalia, and it will evoke pleasant memories." The wife was silent for a moment, then said, "We'll call her Mary after my mother." ______________________________________________________ A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and ask for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays" The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a minister who, after all, is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it." ______________________________________________________ Dont post that on Facebook! The trannies have no sense of humor and will censor you! _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby-sitter when 6 year old, Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat" Daddy's not home," the babysitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss" Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there." He pointed to his mother's chair. ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Pull him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting, "Give me your hand!" But the man would not reach up. Joe elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "What is your profession?" I am an IRS agent," gasped the man. "In that case," said Joe, "Take my hand!" The IRS agent immediately grasped the Joe's hand and was hauled to safety. Joe turned to the amazed by- standers and declared, "Never ask an IRS agent to "give" you anything, you fools!" ____________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e." ___________________________________________________ TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR ZIPPER IS UNZIPPED: 10. The cucumber has left the salad. 9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 7. Paging Mr. Johnson...Paging Mr. Johnson. 6. Elvis has left the building. 5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage 4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction. 3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2. Men may be from Mars. But I can see something that rhymes with Venus. And the #1 Way to tell someone their zipper is unzipped... 1. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary" ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Linda RE: W12 Dear Webby, I read that W12 is out. Is that true? Does netwoking work in that? Linda Dear Linda According to Microsoft there is no such thing as W12. There was for a short time, but it didn't work. Yes, I know, W10 does not work well either, but that is beside the point. Officially all you get from the throne is updates, that will add incremental bug fixes. Networking? Fahgeddaboudid. Get a 32GB or 64 GB camera chip or USB stick, and some fashionable senior fleece slippers, ahem, I mean sneakers. Drag your files onto the USB stick, and carry it over to your Sweetie. It is a friendlier way of networking and does not involve any cussing. If you don't like being groped, just throw the USB stick and have the boss catch it with his butterfly net. Sneaker Net Works! You can, of course, also use Skype or ZOOM. Skype has worked just fine for hassle free intercontinental networking for about 25 years. That is why Microsoft paid over 8 Billion dollars for it to prevent Google from getting it. They have messed with it since then and downgraded it some, but it still works. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, sonny, we're gonna get us a free haircut!'" __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________ Tanya Wierenga Bald Eagle, Red Deer, 4/5/2023 ____________________________________________________ YOU KNOW YOU'RE TRAILER TRASH WHEN The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people". You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. Someone in your family died right after saying: "Hey watch this." You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. Your junior prom had a daycare. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. One of your kids was born on a pool table. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs. Your whole family went to the "dental express" at one time to get all their teeth pulled. __________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by Ted Foy, 52, Augusta, Kansas, USA Wichita Man charged for 2007 rape The Wichita Police Department on Monday arrested a man accused of breaking into a southeast Wichita home and raping a woman in November 2007. Police arrested 52- year-old Ted Foy, of Augusta, on two counts of rape, two counts of aggravated sexual battery and aggravated criminal sodomy. At about 11 p.m. Nov. 13, 2007, Wichita police responded to the area of 1900 South Tara Falls in reference to a sexual assault case. Officers learned someone broke into a home and sexually assaulted a woman. Investigators worked to identify a suspect but were unable to, despite exhausting all available resources at the time, Wichita police said. DNA evidence led police to arresting Foy. Recently, in collaboration with the Air Force Office of Special Investigations Cold Case Team and the Sedgwick County Regional Forensic Science Center, WPD Investigators were able to utilize genealogical investigative techniques to assist them in identifying a potential suspect. The suspects identity was confirmed through DNA as Ted Foy, the WPD explained in a news release. In Sedgwick County District Court Tuesday, May 2, a judge formally charged Foy with one count of aggravated criminal sodomy, one count of rape, one count of aggravated sexual battery and one count of attempted rape. Foys bond was set at $500,000. _____________________________________________________ Today, May 7 in 0558, The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian. 1274, The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate the election of the pope. 1429, The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc. 1525, The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling class and church. 1663, The first Theatre Royal was opened in London. 1763, Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British in New York. 1789, The first U.S. Presidential Inaugural Ball was held in New York City. 1800, The U.S. Congress divided the Northwest Territory into two parts. The western part became the Indiana Territory and the eastern section remained the Northwest Territory. 1847, The AMA (American Medical Association) was organized in Philadelphia, PA. 1889, In Baltimore, MD, Johns Hopkins Hospital opened. 1898, The first Intercollegiate Trapshooting Association meet was held in New Haven, CT. 1912, Columbia University approved final plans for awarding the Pulitzer Prize in several categories. 1912, The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew over College Park, MD. 1915, The Lusitania, a civilian ship, was sunk by a German submarine. Nearly 2,000 people were killed. 1926, A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's exports were motors. 1928, In Britain, the minimum voting age for women was lowered from 30 to 21. 1937, The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist Francos forces. 1939, Germany and Italy announced a military and political alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis. 1940, Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister. 1942, In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was the first time in the history of naval warfare where two enemy fleets fought without seeing each other. 1943, The last major German strongholds in North Africa, Tunis and Bizerte, fell to Allied forces. 1945, Baseball owner Branch Rickey announced the organization of the United States Negro Baseball League. There were 6 teams. 1945, Germany signed unconditional surrender ending World War II. It went into effect the next day. 1946, Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. The company was later renamed Sony. 1951, Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 Olympic Games by the International Olympic Committee. 1954, French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh at Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting. 1954, The United States and the United Kingdom rejected the Soviet Union's bid to join NATO. 1958, Howard Johnson set an aircraft altitude record in F-104. 1960, Leonid Brezhnev became president of the Soviet Union. 1975, U.S. President Ford declared an end to the "Vietnam era." 1977, Rookie Janet Guthrie set the fastest time on opening day of practice for the Indianapolis 500. Her time was 185.607. 1984, A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced in the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam veterans who claimed they had suffered injury from exposure to the defoliant while serving in the armed forces. 1992, A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was ratified as the 27th Amendment. 1994, The Edvard Munch painting "The Scream" was recovered after being stolen 3 months earlier from an Oslo Museum. This version of "The Scream", one of four different versions, was painted on paper. 1996, The trial of Serbian police officer Dusan Tadic opened in the Netherlands. He was later convicted on murder-torture charges and was sentenced to 20 years in prison. 1997, A report released by the U.S. government said that Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and credit during World War II. Germany exchanged for gold what had been plundered or stolen. Switzerland did not comply with postwar agreements to return the gold. 1998, Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record. 1998, Residents of London voted to elect their own mayor for the first time in history. The vote would take place in May 2000. 1999, A jury ruled that "The Jenny Jones Show" and Warner Bros. were liable in the shooting death of Scott Amedure. He was killed by another guest on the show. The jury's award was $25 million. 1999, In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were killed and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly bombed the Chinese embassy. 1999, In Guinea-Bissau, the government of President Joo Bernardo Vieira was ousted in a military coup. 2000, Russian President Vladimir V. Putin named First Deputy Premier Mikhail Kasyanov as premier. 2003, In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered six fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers and others to test drive during the next two years. 2003, Roger Moore collapsed during a matinee performance of the Broadway comedy "The Play What I Wrote." He finished the show after a 10-minute break. He was fitted with a pacemaker the following day. 2023, Do smiled.
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