Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 11 What were the biggest news yesterday? The promised riots against democracy? Nah. Kate Upton topless in Sports Illustrated, pictures and movie clips! Americans have their priorities. The riots against democracy will have to wait. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: 2nd time in a week DUI driver runs back to burning car to light a smoke Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 11 in 1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the Telstar I satellite. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Treat people as they are, and they will remain that way. Treat them as they can be and you help them become what they are capable of becoming. --- Goethe Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide (1869 - 1951) The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys. --- Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post Office, 1876 ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A woman joined a health spa and on her first day, she eagerly joined in on an exercise class. However, when it ended, she went to the front desk and requested cancellation of her membership. When asked why, she replied, "Your floors are so low, I cannot touch my toes!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Waterbed Testing _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Unk Wes for this story: A simple lesson illustrating the difference between the two parties. Fred Thompson and Hillary were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Quigley, 25 Citrus Heights, California 2nd time in a week DUI driver runs back to burning car to light a smoke A suspected drunken driver went back to his burning car Sunday to try lighting his cigarette using the flames, according to the CHP. Amy Walker with the CHP says Robert Quigley, 25, rear-ended an SUV that was stopped in traffic on westbound Interstate 80 just west of Antelope Road. At the time of the crash, Quigley was driving around 75 to 80 mph. A CHP officer spotted the car after it burst into flames and turned around in traffic to help. As he did, he spotted Quigley switch seats with his female passenger. Quigley later admitted to the officer that he was behind the wheel at the time of the crash. A witness told officials a shirtless Quigley went back to his burning car to light his cigarette, singeing part of his eyebrows off in the process, according to Walker. Quigley later told the officer at the scene, Yeah I'm not afraid of fire. I deal with this kind of stuff all the time. Walker says Quigley sustained a burn on his neck from his seatbelt. No one else was injured in the crash. Quigley has been charged on suspicion of driving under the influence and is being booked into the Sacramento County Main Jail. This is the second time he has been picked up for DUI in the last week after Grass Valley CHP stopped him during a separate incident. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Javascript Dear Webby, do i need javascript if i have sun java installed already? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel You don't install Javascript. Javascript is on web pages, using the SUN Java that you already have installed. You can allow or disallow the use of javascript in your browser's Internet Options. If you don't allow it, a lot of pages won't work right. Javascript has been around for a long time. I used to build shopping carts with it 20 years ago. Even today, most banking and shopping pages won't work right if you don't allow scripting. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, "Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine." ---Jay Leno | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear that he didn't want to spend a lot of money. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife... "Show him your tooth, honey!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Non-Slip Hangers By LoveLiveHome Hot Glue on HangerInstead of buying expensive hangers to keep your silky shirts looking nice and from falling off of the hanger, buy plastic hangers and make a zig zag line of hot glue across the hanger. Ta-da! No slip grip! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | It's amazing what was discovered in an old cupboard with a false bottom and a secret safe hidden there. |
___________________________________________________ I went along with a friend when she took her female Akita, Sasha to be bred. It is common practice for both the client and the owner of the dogs to oversee the mating, just to be sure a breeding did take place also to prevent the dogs from harming each other. The male was getting on in years but his owner didn't expect any problems. The impressive looking male Akita, General, was introduced to flirlty Sasha. She play bowed, spun in circles, barked, presented the baby making area to him. She was ready. Before she arrived, the owner had put a bowl of home cooked doggie stew out for General. The huge Akita looked at Sasha, looked at the bowl, back at the female. He put a paw on Sasha's shoulder as if in apology, then turned away to flop down in front of the stew to eat. Slowly, his eyes half closed, he was set to enjoy every morsal. I expected the owner to be a bit embarrassed. After all the client had driven 500 miles to have her Akita bred. Watching his male dog choose stew over a pretty female, he just shook his head then mournfully said ,"Please Lord, don't ever let me get that old!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST Julius Caesar (also Gerorge Bush): My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of sescurity measures at numerous banks. Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticzed, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostsile takeover. Lucrezia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock of his boss for a promotion? Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn't business casual? Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? Hillary: I would like to put my criminal past behind me and get on with governing the Universe, even though it is very difficult to find competent scape goats. ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 11 in 1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in Germany. 1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church by Pope Clement VII. 1708 The French were defeated at Oudenarde, Malplaquet, in the Netherlands by the Duke of Marlborough and Eugene of Savoy. 1742 A papal decree was issued condemning the disciplining actions of the Jesuits in China. 1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000. They took the money, but did not stop their piracy until the marines went there and adjusted their attitudes. 1798 The U.S. Marine Corps was formally re-established by "An Act for Establishing a Marine Corps" passed by the U.S. Congress. The act also created the U.S. Marine Band. The Marines were first commissioned by the Continental Congress on November 10, 1775. 1804 The United States' first secretary of the treasury, Alexander Hamilton, was killed by Vice President Aaron Burr in a duel. 1864 In the U.S., Confederate forces led by Gen. Jubal Early began an invasion of Washington, DC. They turned back the next day. 1918 Enrico Caruso recorded "Over There" written by George M. Cohan. 1934 U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt became the first American chief executive to travel through the Panama Canal while in office. 1955 The U.S. Air Force Academy was dedicated in Colorado at Lowry Air Base. 1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the Telstar I satellite. 1972 U.S. forces broke the 95-day siege at An Loc in Vietnam. 1977 The Medal of Freedom was awarded posthumously to Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. in a White House ceremony. 1979 The abandoned U.S. space station Skylab returned to Earth. It burned up in the atmosphere and showered debris over the Indian Ocean and Australia. 1985 Dr. H. Harlan Stone announced that he had used zippers for stitches on 28 patients. The zippers were used when he thought he may have to re-operate. 1985 Nolan Ryan (Houston Astros) became the first major league pitcher to earn 4,000 strikeouts in a career. (Texas) 1995 Full diplomatic relations were established between the United States and Vietnam. 1998 U.S. Air Force Lt. Michael Blassie, a casualty of the Vietnam War, was laid to rest near his Missouri home. He had been positively identified from his remains that had been enshrined in the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington, VA. 1999 A U.S. Air Force jet flew over the Antarctic and dropped off emergency medical supplies for Dr. Jerri Nelson after she had discovered a lump in her breast. Nelso was at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Research Center. 2000 The video "Jaws," the Anniversary Collector's Edition, was released. 2000 Liam Neeson broke his pelvis after hitting a deer with his Harley Davidson motorcycle. 2018 Do smiled. |
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