Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, December 13 Thank you Master Chief Jim and Cori!! Thank you Frank for the Assumption Abbey cake! Gavle Goat Webcam Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Floriduh Christmas Shoplifter with 58" TV not inconspicuous enough to get away. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 13 in 1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do. --- Lee Entrekin "Keep your head and your heart going in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet." --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ from Dianne A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and gives him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times. The ninth time, he asks the little old lady why she doesn't eat the almonds herself; whereupon she replies it's not possible because her old teeth won't allow her to chew the nuts. "Then, why do you buy them?" he asks puzzled, whereupon the old lady answers: "I just love the chocolate around them." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello." "Is your daddy home?" he asked. "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No." Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: ME ______________________________________________________ Murphy came home drunk as a skunk for the third night in a row. Judi, his wife, dragged him to the window and pointed out to the blazing lights of the big distillery in the distance. "Do you see how big it is?" she thundered. "They can always make it faster than you can drink it!" "Maybe so, [hic], but I've got 'em working nights to keep up!" ______________________________________________________ Where is that promised Gullible Warming? ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Walsh 65, Port St. Lucie, Floriduh Floriduh Christmas Shoplifter with 58" TV not inconspicuous enough to get away. A man who tried to do some Christmas shopping at a Walmart in Port St. Lucie is now in the slammer, in part because some deputies were also doing some Christmas shopping for kids. Police say James Walsh tried to walk out of Walmart with a 58-inch television on Monday. Unfortunately, he didn't pay for it. Surveillance cameras followed the shoplifting suspect as he strolled around the store with the huge TV box in his shopping cart. He has his phone to his ear, waiting for his opportunity to get outside. Investigators say a store "asset protection officer" tried to stop Walsh before he walked out the store. Police said Walsh ran back into the store and left through another exit. Unfortunately for him, deputies with the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office were at the store for a shop-with-a-cop event. Several ran after him. They had him in custody in no time. Walsh admitted to stealing a TV at the same store the day before, according to police. He's been charged with grand theft, resisting merchant, and resisting officer without violence. It must have been an exciting day for the children who were participating in this event on the day of Walshs arrest. Not only were they able to Shop-With-A-Cop, but they were also able to witness their heroes in action. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Kimo RE: Kerning and Leading Dear Webby, When I try to write something in some fancy font onto a picture, there are the options for Kerning and leading. What are they? Thanks Kimo Dear Kimo Both those terms come from old fashioned typesetting. Kerning is from reducing the spacing between letters. Once upon a time priority was given to moving letters closer together, for example AV. Later the emphasis changed to an even look. In my art classes in college we had to write calligraphy on A2 size sheets, and the professor sat on his desk with a stack of chalk board erasers. When he spotted writing that looked uneven, with dark areas or light areas, he threw an eraser and started yelling. And of course, the texts were designed to test our skills versus the dreaded "LA" spacing. Look at for example: LAVINNOLA Note the light areas and the dark areas. Nowadays you use kerning to even that out and avoid light and dark spots. Leading refers to the space between lines. It comes from the metal Lead, not from Leader. They used to put strips of lead foil between the clips, that held the glyphs or tintype of a line. If you want to increase the space between lines, increase leading. The leading changes for different fonts. What looks right for one font may be too tight for others. It's easy enough to change. Just use a higher number for the leading. Have FUN! DearWebby >From Hanna: When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Contest Winning Chicken with Mushroom Sauce This is the best chicken dish I have made in years. The leftovers were even better the next day. You won't need to go to a restaurant after you taste this. I had chicken purchased on sale, and my store had a terrific sale on mushrooms, so this dish was very inexpensive as well. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 15 minutes Total Time: 1/2 hour or less Yield: 4 servings Source: Taste of Home Link: http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/contest-winning- chicken-with-mushroom-sauce 2 tsp cornstarch 1/2 cup milk (I used 2%) 4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (4 ounces each) NOTE: I used boneless, skinless thighs 1 Tbsp olive oil 1 Tbsp butter 1/2 lb sliced fresh mushrooms 1/2 medium onion, thinly sliced 1/4 cup sherry or chicken broth (I used broth) 1/2 tsp salt 1/8 tsp pepper Steps: Mix the cornstarch and the milk in a cup until lump-free. Set aside. Pound the meat until 1/4-inch thick. In a large, nonstick pan, add the olive oil and brown the meat, 5-6 minutes per side. Remove the meat and set aside. Melt the butter. Saute the mushrooms and the onions until soft. Stir in the sherry or the broth, salt and pepper and bring to a boil. Stir the cornstarch mixture once more and add to the pan. Return to a boil, and cook, stirring often, until thickened, 1-2 minutes. Add the chicken, and heat through. ____________________________________________________ Gale sent me her "Pasta Diet" PASTA DIET "IT REALLY WORKS !! " 1) You walka pasta da bakery. 2) You walka pasta da candy store. 3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop. 4) You walka pasta da pantry, table and fridge. ____________________________________________________ | | Wow! An amazing automaton from the 1700's of a silver swan. Watch the video to see what the swan does. |
A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said, "Mom, these are MY feet!" Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on December 13 1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The journey took almost three years. 1636 The United States National Guard was created when militia regiments were organized by the General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman. 1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was performed without an anesthetic. 1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock. 1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg. 1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established. 1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin- operated weighing machine. 1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the Pacific Treaty. 1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing). An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks. The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking." 1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were killed in the attack. 1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a century-old border dispute. 1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Ugandas President Milton Obote was returned to office. 1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt to crackdown on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law ended formally in 1983. 1982 The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered that $11 million had been stolen from its headquarters overnight. It was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history. 1988 PLO chairman Yasser Arafat addressed the U.N. General Assembly in Geneva, where it had reconvened after the United States had refused to grant Arafat a visa to visit New York. 1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets of the troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto real estate developer for $65 million. 1989 South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first time with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson Mandela, at de Klerk's office in Cape Town. 1991 Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed to join the new Commonwealth of Independent States. 1991 North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non- aggression agreement. 1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a hearing before property linked to illegal drug sales can be seized. 1993 The European Community ratified a treaty creating the European Economic Area (EEA), to go into effect January 1, 1994. 1994 An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people crashed short of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in North Carolina, killing 15 people. 1995 China's most influential democracy activist, Wei Jingsheng, who already had spent 16 years in prison, was sentenced to 14 more years. 1997 The Getty Center in Los Angeles, CA, was opened with a ribbon cutting ceremony. 1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non- binding referendum. 1998 Gary Anderson (Minnesota Vikings) kicked six field goals against Baltimore. In the game Anderson set an National Football League (NFL) record for 34 straight field goals without a miss. 2000 U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000 Presidential election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush. The Florida electoral votes were won by only 537 votes, which decided the election. The election had been contested up to the U.S. Supreme Court, which said that the Florida recount (supported by the Florida Supreme Court) was unconstitutional. 2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally Unit in Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering civilian workers and prison employees. They fled with stolen clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns and ammunition. 2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed Osama bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush served formal notice to Russia that the United States was withdrawing from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty. 2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel also launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in response to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis. 2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven people and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers during a 90-minute gunbattle. 2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the conditions for accepting liquor ads. 2001 Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two counts of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey Thompson. Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 2016 Do smiled. |
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