Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, April 8 Thank you Maggie !!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Off-duty correctional officers run over group of people, crash through Taco Bell  ___________________________________________________ Today, April 8 in 1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. ____________________________________________________ Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ____________________________________________________ Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME! ____________________________________________________ Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con- gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?" ____________________________________________________   Wendy sunset in Camden - beautiful! This is the bridge we go over to go just about anywhere!! ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rose for this one: While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Tanesha Williams, 25, Diamond Johnson, 28, Waldorf, Maryland, USA  Off-duty correctional officers run over group of people, crash through Taco Bell  Two off-duty corrections officers from Maryland have been charged with attempted murder and a litany of other crimes after running over a group of people and crashing through the front of a Taco Bell in an apparent case of fast-food order outrage. Tanesha Williams, 25, and Diamond Johnson, 28, had argued with workers in the drive-thru about their food order before the incident in front of the restaurant in Waldorf, Maryland, on March 31 at about 10:30 p.m., the Charles County Sheriff's Office said. Williams and Johnson were arrested on Monday following an investigation into the crash. After arguing with the drive-thru worker, both women exited the car and Williams assaulted the employee through the window, according to the sheriff's office. The pair got back in their car and drove around to the front of the Taco Bell, where Williams, who was driving the car, drove toward a group of people, before stopping. She then backed up and drove toward the group again, this time plowing into the people and smashing through the front of the restaurant. Video of the incident showed several people tossed into the air by the vehicle. Multiple people were injured, but none appeared to be life- threatening, according to the Charles County Sheriff's Office. Despite heavy damage to the vehicle, Williams allegedly backed out and fled the scene, the sheriff's office said. Williams has been charged with attempted murder, first-degree assault, second-degree assault and several traffic violations. Johnson is also charged with attempted murder, first-degree assault and second-degree assault. Williams and Johnson both work for the Prince George's County Department of Corrections. They were off duty at the time of the incident. Both women are being held at Charles County Detention Center without bond.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Donna Re: Kerosine lamps  Dear Webby You used to live in the bush and will probably remember. What is the name of the kerosine lamps that use a white "sock" that gives off as much light as a 60 Watt lightbulb? Donna  Dear Donna They are called Aladdin lamps and they are still available. However, since batteries and LED lights and solar panels have become fairly affordable, Aladdin lamps have gone out of fashion. The delicate "mantles", that you call socks, were a royal nuissance. Consider getting a propane light. You can get them right on top of a 20 pound propane bottle, where it will last for years. They too use a mantle, but if you don't touch it, it won't break. A propane light, with mantle, is strong enough to light up a couple of dolar panels and charge your batteries on cloudy days. I have done that. Kept my home-made 12 Volt freezer frozen and electric lights in the cabin, AND the big radio phone, that I needed for the mine to call me when I was on dtand-by. An aladdin lamp is very expensive now. I remember when they were around $25. Now hang a zero to the end of that. That makes a propane lamp and bottle a very good alterntive. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves." ____________________________________________ A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 900-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames. There were no injuries and nobody got sued. ____________________________________________ Now it all makes sense. And on the 8th day God said, "OK Murphy, you take over." ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 6 in 1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. 1789 The U.S. House of Representatives held its first meeting. 1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians in the Black Hawk War. 1834 In New York City, Cornelius Lawrence became the first mayor to be elected by popular vote in a city election. 1839 The first Intercollegiate Rodeo was held at the Godshall Ranch, Apple Valley, CA. 1864 The U.S. Senate passed the 13th Amendment (S.J. Res. 16) by a vote of 38 to 6. 1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. 1913 The Seventeenth amendment was ratified, requiring direct election of senators. 1939 Italy invaded Albania. 1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of Leningrad. 1946 The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last time. 1947 The first illustrated insurance policy was issued by the Allstate Insurance Company. 1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a nationwide strike. 1953 The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to South Dakota. 1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. 1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal disaster. 1985 Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for permanent eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 1986 Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA. 1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political parties. 1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military bases. 2000 19 U.S. troops were killed when a Marine V22 Osprey crashed during a training mission in Arizona. 2002 Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his insurance company, two insurance adjusters, and several environmental cleanup contractors. The suit alleged breach of contract, negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress concerning a toxic mold that had spread through McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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