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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, October 27, in 1938, Du Pont announced "nylon" as the name for its new synthetic yarn. 1994, The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. prison population had exceeded one million for the first time in American history. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award goes to Man Claims Big Gun Fight At Fort Lauderdale Airport, Now Jailed ____________________________________________________ Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God. --- Heywood Broun (1888 - 1939) Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down. --- Hector Berlioz (1803 - 1869) "Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute." --- George Bernard Shaw ___________________________________________________ What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. ___________________________________________________ >From Mary In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup... gonna be a bear. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Datron Devonne Roscoe, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA Man Claims Big Gun Fight At Fort Lauderdale Airport, Now Jailed A man claimed that a gun fight was imminent at Fort Lauderdale Hollywood International Airport. There was no gunfight, and now the man is in jail. The Broward Sheriffs Office issued this statement mid-day Tuesday: Detectives with the Broward Sheriffs Office Threat Management Unit (TMU) arrested a Lauderhill man for charges related to false report of firearms at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. According to investigators, at around 12:30 a.m., Tuesday, Oct. 25, Datron Devonne Roscoe contacted the Broward County Regional Communications Emergency Dispatch and stated that there was going to be a big guns fight shootout at the airport and that theres gonna be a lot of gun fire call everybody. BSO deputies and TMU detectives responded to investigate. Roscoe was located at Terminal 4 and was taken into custody. The threat was determined to be unfounded. Roscoe is currently being held at BSO Main Jail and faces one count of false reporting concerning the use of a firearm and one count of misuse of 911. _____________________________________________________ Tanya Wierenga Its nice when a Northern Flicker actually cooperates, but this one turned out to be extra special when I realized the spots on its belly look like little hearts ?? Red Deer, 24/10/2022 ___________________________________________________ The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Mercedes Martha-Francis _________________________________________________ How to clean the toilet: 1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.) 4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a " power-wash" and "rinse".) 5. Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.) 6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 7. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean! Sincerely, The Dog PS: Hide all shoes and slippers except those of your MIL, because the cat will put a deposit into them tonight. ____________________________________________________ I was reading an article the other day about how "political correctness" has infected the manufacturers of school text books in the United States. These publishers have to scrub their text so as to not offend anyone. I'm not making this up. For instance, these publishers can't even print the legendary "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway. Why not? "Old" is ageist. "Man" is sexist. "Sea" can't be used in case a student lives inland and doesn't grasp the concept of a large body of water. ================================================= DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Joy Re: Icons kidnapped Dear Webby I let Gramma send some postcards from my computer, and now it's haunted! I had all my work icons arranged just right along the left margin, nice and tight in clusters for different projects, some of them slightly overlapping to save space but still accessible. Now they are all in rigid formation, all apart, and when I drag them to where they shold be, they jump back! HELP! Joy Dear Joy Gramma seems to have accidentally turned on "Auto-Arrange", one of the least useful features of Windows. Just right-click on any blank area on the desktop, choose ARRANGE ICONS, and take the checkmark off "Auto-Arrange". Done. Now they will stay where you put them. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An FBI agent was talking to a bank teller after the bank had been robbed for the third time by the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about the man?" he asked. "Yes, he seems to be better dressed each time," the teller replied. _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, October 27, in 1659, William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the first Quakers to be executed in America. 1787, The first of the Federalist Papers were published in the New York Independent. The series of 85 essays, written by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay, were published under the pen name "Publius." 1795, The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty." 1858, Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other seven failed. 1878, The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George "Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted. 1904, The New York subway system officially opened. It was the first rapid-transit subway system in America. 1925, Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 1927, The first newsreel featuring sound was released in New York. 1931, Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 26' 2 1/4". 1938, Du Pont announced "nylon" as the name for its new synthetic yarn. 1947, "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring Groucho Marx, premiered on ABC. It was later shown on NBC television. 1954, Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They had been married on January 14, 1954. 1954, The first Walt Disney television show "Disneyland" premiered on ABC. 1962, The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile bases in Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the agreement. 1978, Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their progress toward achieving a Middle East accord. 1994, The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. prison population had exceeded one million for the first time in American history. 1997, The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 554.26 points. The stock market was shut down for the first time since the 1981 assassination attempt on U.S. President Reagan. 2002, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected leftist leader. 2003, Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second largest banking company in the U.S. 2022 Do smiled.
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