Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, December 23 Thank you, Joseph!! ____________________________________________________ Today, December 23 in 1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley invented the transistor. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Floriduh man busted for lewd act in Walmart __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. --- Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room. --- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662) _______________________________________________ Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than a bit jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move. "It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling pretty good now and she'd probably just follow us." ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elias Flor, 19, Winter Haven, Floriduh Floriduh man busted for lewd act in Walmart A Florida Man is behind bars on a pair of criminal charges after allegedly committing a lewd act in the toy section of a Walmart, police report. According to investigators, Elias Flor, 19, was spotted masturbating on the back of a woman who was looking at merchandise along with her 12-year-old son. Flor, cops say, entered the Walmart in Winter Haven around 6:30 PM Friday evening and strolled around the store before going into the restroom. Upon exiting the bathroom, Flor headed for the toy section, where the victim was shopping with the boy. After pacing the aisle, Flor unzipped his pants, pulled out his penis and approached the victim from behind, according to a police affidavit. Getting to within an arm's reach of the woman--who was facing away from him shopping --Flor masturbated until he ejaculated on the pants of the victim (onto her buttocks). The child, who was standing next to a shopping cart, witnessed Flor's vile act and attempted to alarm his mother, cops reported. Noticing that her son was obviously distressed, the victim asked what was the matter, according to police. The boy then recounted what the man had done, prompting the victim to contact Walmart management. By the time Winter Haven cops arrived, the suspect had left the store. The incident, police say, was captured on video at a distance by store surveillance cameras. In an attempt to identify the suspect, police Saturday circulated still images of the man entering Walmart and walking through its aisles. Flor turned himself in to police around 8 PM Saturday and reportedly admitted to masturbating while inside the store, which is about five miles from Flor's residence in Wahneta. He also copped to ejaculating onto the victim and enagaging in a lewd act in the presence of a child under the age of 16, cops say. Flor was arrested on a pair criminal charges--one felony, one misdemeanor--and booked into the Polk County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,500 bond. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Laptop Table Dear Webby, First, I am a frequent traveler, and I agree 100% with your sentiments about US hotels. Their furniture seems to be bought unseen, by unimaginative accountants, by price only. When I don't have to fly, I carry a TableMate portable tray in the car. It folds up to about the size of a brief case. I admit, it's a bit shaky, and fast typing can really get it rocking. I usually put a jacket between my lap and it, to dampen the rocking and steady it. There is not enough room for a mouse, but a trackball fits nicely. Yes, there definitely is room for improvement, but for $25, what do you expect? Erin Dear Erin I have seen those TableMates, and they look great from the distance, but are too shaky for my taste up close. They also take up a lot more space than a sheet of Plexi-Glass, with rounded corners, cut to fit into the cover of my wheeled carry-all. I have not come across any hotel or motel yet, that didn't have a dresser or night stand with a drawer, that I could open an inch or two and jam the Plexi-Glass in. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, Calif., we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a large radio in the back. "Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked. Several hands went up, and anticipating a ride in the jeep, recruits began listing their credentials. Everything from a degree in communications to a part-time job in a repair shop was declared. The DI listened to all the contenders, then pointed to the most qualified. "You," he barked. "Carry the radio." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A wife sent her husband and their daughter to the health food store with a carefully prepared shopping list. They returned with brussel sprouts, organically grown tomatoes, wild rice, tofu, veggie burgers, celery stalks, .... and a box of chocolate cookies. The man noticed his wife's hostile glare when she pulled out the cookies. So he said, "Hey, this box of cookies has one- third less sugar AND fat than usual!" "Really? And just why is that?" she asked icily. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he grinned. What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about? It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved. You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions "bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi'," but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers, probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put them all together into one e-book. This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format, you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the CD with family pictures and other keepsakes, making it a true heirloom. I have produced a smaller version last year. This final edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the price down to the same $10. The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice Christmas gift! Click on the book cover to get your copy or click on Heirloom Christmas Book http://webby.com/cb You can download it and give the file as a gift! ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cutting Nylon Rope After cutting nylon rope, heat the edges with a lighter. It will keep the ends from fraying. For hemp rope, take a little duct or electrical tape and wrap around the end. Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Marcy walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says Marcy. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt." ___________________________________________________ In the back woods of Tennessee, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming". Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern. ..it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?" ___________________________________________________ Bob and Katie were having a discussion about family finances. Finally Bob exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" Katie replied, "If it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here either __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 23 in 1783 George Washington returned home to Mount Vernon, after the disbanding of his army following the Revolutionary War. 1788 Maryland voted to cede a 100-square-mile area for the seat of the national government. About two-thirds of the area became the District of Columbia. 1823 The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore (" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published. 1834 English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety cab', better known as the Hansom cab. 1852 The Theatre of Celestial John opened on Telegraph Hill in San Francisco, CA. It was the first Chinese theatre in the U.S. 1856 Ralph Collier was issued a U.S. patent for the first rotary egg beater with rotating parts. 1880 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Electric Light Company of Europe. 1888 Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter Vincent Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe. 1893 The Engelbert Humperdinck opera "Hansel und Gretel" was first performed, in Weimar, Germany. 1919 The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance for the transport patients was launched. The hospital ship was named USS Relief and had 515 beds. 1922 The British Broadcasting Corporation began daily news broadcasts. 1930 Ruth Elizabeth Davis, an unknown actress, arrived in Hollywood, under contract to Universal Studios. Universal changed her name to Bette Davis for the movies. 1941 During World War II, American forces on Wake Island surrendered to the Japanese. 1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. It was the first of the traditional Christmas shows. 1943 "Hansel and Gretel," the opera, was televised on New York's WRBG. It was the first complete opera to be televised. 1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley invented the transistor. 1948 Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other Japanese war leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been found guilty of crimes against humanity. 1953 Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of his associates were shot for treason following a secret trial. 1954 The Walt Disney movie "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" was released. 1968 The crew of the U.S. Navy ship, Pueblo, was released by North Korea. The Captain of the Pueblo, Commander Lloyd M. Bucher, and 82 of his crew were held for 11 months after the ship was seized by North Korea because of suspected spying by the Americans. The Pueblo is still a tourist attraction in North Korea. 1970 In New York, the topping out ceremony for original One World Trade Center (North Tower) took place. The South Tower's ceremony took place on July 19, 1971. 1981 NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II spacecraft on a trajectory that would take it within 66,000 miles of Uranus on July 24, 1986. 1986 The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop, around-the- world flight without refueling as it landed safely at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 1987 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975, escaped from the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West Virginia. She was recaptured two days later. 1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, Elena, were captured as they were attempting to flee their country. 1990 Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its six republics with non-Communist governments. 1995 A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including 170 children, during a year-end party being held near the children's school. 1995 The bodies of 16 members of the Solar Temple religious sect were found in a clearing near Grenoble, France. 14 were presumed shot by two people who then committed suicide. 1997 Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on charges of conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995 federal building bombing in Oklahoma City. The bomb killed 168 people. 1998 Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets at northern Israel. 2019 Do smiled. |
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