| Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 14 ___________________________________________________ Stumpy prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Stumpy to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Stumpy's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out." ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 14 in 1992, Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed members of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a bill to aid the people of the former Soviet Union. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: 13-year-old with criminal history arrested after shooting Lakeland officer _____________________________________________________ Q Democracy is the fantasy that 30 kids can outvote the teacher and decide that going outside and playing in mud puddles is more important than learning to read. --- Socratex If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) ___________________________________________________ At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again." ______________________________________________________ A father and his small son were standing in front of the lion's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong lions are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the lion got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "Which bus should I take home?" the boy finished. ______________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" An Aussie stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". __________________________________________________ A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son Morris, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you." ___________________________________________________ What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman! _____________________________________________________ >From Tamara Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. "I'm here to do my postnatal exercises," I told the instructor. She gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?" "Twenty-six," I replied. ___________________________________________________ From: Judi Re: Laser printers Dear Webby Buying a laser printer was one of the best things I ever did. I don't do a lot of printing but I don't have to worry as you said. And I love the way it looks so clear & crisp. The printer I had before it was a nightmare. It had I think 6 cartridges, I was told this was the way to go, yeh right. Every time I went to use it I was told one the cartridges were low & It wouldn't print. Judi Dear Judi I am glad you smartened up. I have to admit that I DO use an ink squirter type printer: A $30 Canon 4 function "printer". I use it strictly just as a scanner. For a $30 scanner it is actually pretty good. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?" "I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity." __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________ Michelle Schreder One of our common warblers in Alberta, the vibrant Yellow Warbler - Calgary __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by Teen Gangsters in Lakeland, Florida 13-year-old with criminal history arrested after shooting Lakeland officer Polk County investigators identified the 13-year-old who fired a round at a Lakeland officer, striking him in the foot. Other officers shoot at the teen, sending him to the hospital. During a press conference Thursday, Sheriff Grady Judd also named a 14-year-old and 19-year-old Jermaine Julian, saying they were with the youngest suspect, 13-year-old Wesley Dalmas, and tried to flee from police. Investigators said Julian is in a gang, while the Dalmas and Speight are "gang affiliated." The sheriff firmly pointed out that age doesn't matter in the scenario that played out in Lakeland on Wednesday evening. "I dont care that chronologically they are 14, 13, or 19. They were looking for someone to kill. I am sick to my stomach of them going, Oh, did you know his age? It doesnt make a difference," he said. "If youre old enough to hold a gun and point it at a cop and pull the trigger, youre old enough to be shot or to go to jail." Sheriff Judd also scolded gun owners who leave their weapons in unlocked vehicles. "Theyre burglars. Theyre shooting up neighborhoods and shooting officers with your gun because youre not responsible," he stated. "Theyll also shoot you with your gun that they take out of your car if they get a chance." Officer Jamie Smith is continuing to recover at the hospital and is expected to be released Thursday. Officials with the Lakeland Police Department and Polk County Sheriff's Office swarmed Lincoln Avenue Wednesday afternoon, but investigators said it all started with a shooting a few blocks away from Simpson Park. heriff Judd and Lakeland Police Chief Sam Taylor said Officer Jamie Smith heard a shot fired while he was investigating a separate call in the area at around 5:15 p.m. Officers believe the trio of suspects was involved and searching for an "opp." "Whats an opp? An opportunity to shoot a competition," the sheriff said, describing gang-related conflict. However, investigators are not certain who or what was the intended target. No individual has made a report as of Thursday. Officer Smith was able to find and pursue the suspect's vehicle, a Dodge Avenger, and tried to stop it. The vehicle didn't stop after the officers' attempts, but Chief Taylor said the chase eventually ended on 10th Street, near an apartment complex. The officer saw one of the three people inside the vehicle later identified as Dalmas was carrying a handgun, and began pursuing him on foot, officials said. Smith commanded the suspect to drop the gun, but he didn't. According to police, that's when the teen rounded the corner of the Carrington Place Apartment building and crouched down waiting for the officer. Once Smith was near, the suspect fired at least one shot, striking him in the foot. Despite being shot in the foot, Smith continued to pursue the suspect and eventually lost sight of him, according to Chief Taylor. More officers arrived at the complex, passing by bushes that are close to the building where the suspect was hiding. That's when the Dalmas jumped out of the bushes and began fleeing and engaging in another "gun battle" with officers, the Lakeland police chief said. The teen was shot several times by officers. The officers began rendering aid once he was down, and the 13-year-old suspect was transported to Tampa General Hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. Chief Tayler said he was shot in the leg. Smith was found by other officers and was taken in the back of a patrol car to Lakeland Regional Medical for treatment. "I cant be more complementary with how he reacted," Chief Taylor said during Thursday's press conference. "He had the opportunity after he was shot to pull back and set up a perimeter and let the guy gohe chose not to do that. He chose to press on and continue. What Officer Smith did last night was nothing short of heroic. His condition is good." The police chief also added that the officer may need a new pair of boots, and offered to purchase it. Sheriff Judd said this isn't the first time the 13-year-old has been in trouble with law enforcement. Not only does the teen have a criminal history, but the sheriff said he was arrested back in January for carrying a stolen gun during a burglary. Speight was also with him. He was charged with multiple felonies and given probation for that incident. The sheriff noted that Speight and Julian were also on probation at the time of Wednesday's shooting. A second handgun was found in the suspects' vehicle. "We dont want him on the streets," the Polk sheriff said. "Its just a matter of time until he hits someone, and just by the grace of God, he didnt hit anyone with the drive-by this afternoon. But this is serious business. He entered into adult criminal activity, and were going to treat him like an adult, doing violent, felonious criminal activity." Investigators are now combing footage from the apartment complex and said the investigation remains active. They did say at least one of the other two suspects inside the car was taken into custody. "Theres room in the jail for all of you who want to shoot," Sheriff Judd said. The sheriff did say that they will take the lead on the investigation for the officer-involved shooting. Multiple Polk County law enforcement agencies will assist in the investigation as part of the State Attorney's Incident Task Force. Officer Smith has been with the Lakeland Police Department for less than two years, according to Chief Taylor. He was one of the New York Police Department officers the agency recruited back in 2021. ____________________________________________________ Today, May 14 in 1264, King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 1509, In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians in Northern Italy. 1607, An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport went ashore at Jamestown, Virginia. The group had arrived at the location the day before. This became the first permanent English colony in America. 1610, French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated by a fanatical monk, Franois Ravillac. 1643, Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death of his father, Louis XIII. 1787, Delegates began gathering in Philadelphia for a convention to draw up the U.S. Constitution. 1796, The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner. He enoculated James Phipps using cowpox matter. 1804, William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of Discovery." 1811, Paraguay gained independence from Spain. 1853, Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk. 1862, The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole. 1874, McGill University and Harvard met at Cambridge, MA, for the first college football game to charge admission. 1878, The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough. 1879, Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Telephone Company of Europe. 1897, "The Stars and Stripes Forever" by John Phillip Sousa was performed for the first time. It was at a ceremony where a statue of George Washington was unveiled. 1897, Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by wireless telegraph. 1913, The Rockefeller Foundation was created by John D. Rockefeller with a gift of $100,000,000. 1935, The Philippines ratified an independence agreement. 1940, During World War II, the Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany. 1942, The Women's Auxiliary Army Corps (WAAC) was established by an act of the U.S. Congress. 1942, "Lincoln Portrait" by Aaron Copland was performed for the first time by the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. 1942, The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India. 1948, Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the independent State of Israel as British rule in Palestine came to an end. 1955, The Warsaw Pact, a Easter European mutual-defense treaty, was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc countries including the Soviet Union. The pact was dissoved in 1991. 1961, Busses carrying Freedom Riders were bombed and burned in Anniston and Birmingham, Alabama. 1969, Jacqueline Susanns second novel, "The Love Machine," was published by Simon and Schuster. 1973, Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as the first U.S. manned space station. 1975, U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang and recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 40 crew members were released safely by Cambodia. About 40 U.S. servicemen were killed in the military operation. 1980, U.S. President Carter inaugurated the Department of Health and Human Services. 1985, Ray Kroc's first McDonald's restaurant became the first fast-food business museum. It is located in Des Plaines, Illinois. 1988, In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants. 1992, Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed members of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a bill to aid the people of the former Soviet Union. 1996, A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More than 440 people were killed. 1998, The Associated Press marked its 150th anniversary. 1999, North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers that had been killed during the Korean War. 2001, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that there was no exception in federal law for people to use marijuana for medical purposes. 2005, The art exhibit "Gumby and Friends: The First 50 Years" opened at the Lynn House Gallery in Antioch, CA. 2008, The Interior Department declared the polar bear a threatened species due to loss of Arctic sea ice. It turned out to be just cyclical. The ice returned andthe bears multiplied and the kill quota had to be increased. 2023, Do smiled.
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