Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, April 14 ______________________________________________________ Today, April 14 in 1912 The Atlantic passenger liner Titanic, on its maiden voyage hit an iceberg and began to sink. 1,517 people lost their lives and more than 700 survived. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Man arrested after boy, 5, was hurled off 3rd floor of Mall of America ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ - It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father. - It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents. - Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch. - Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - You can learn many things from children ... like how much patience you have. - The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - There are three ways to get things done: 1) do it yourself 2) hire someone to do it 3) forbid your kids to do it - Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one. - There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going. ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emmanuel Deshawn Aranda, 24, Bloomington, Minnesota Man arrested after boy, 5, was hurled off 3rd floor of Mall of America Police have identified a man suspected of throwing a child from the third floor of a shopping centre in front of his screaming mum. Emmanuel Deshawn Aranda, 24, is being held at the Bloomington Police Department charged with one count of attempted homicide, according to police. The boy, five, has been left seriously ill in hospital following the incident at Mall of America in Minnesota, on Friday afternoon. Witnesses said a man approached the woman and her son, picked him up and tossed him over the edge at one of the US's biggest shopping complexes. Brian Johnson told WCCO: 'She was screaming Everyone pray, everyone pray. Oh my god, my baby, someone threw him over the edge . 'She was screaming like a banshee, like there's no tomorrow. I just don't know. Everyone was in shock.' Police chief Jeff Potts said it does not appear Aranda had any relationship with the boy or his family. Police say a man in his 60s tried to stop the suspect, but was assaulted. One witness told the New York Daily News that the child was laying 'motionless in a pool of blood,' as emergency responders were seen performing CPR on the boy. He has been rushed to the Children's Minnesota hospital in Minneapolis with his mother. A Bloomington Police spokesperson said the child suffered 'significant injuries.' The Mall of America said in a statement: 'Earlier today, Mall of America security was notified of an incident involving a child falling from one of the upper floors. 'Mall Security responded immediately as well as the Bloomington Police Department. Emergency Services were notified and responded as well. The child was treated at the scene and transported to the hospital. Bloomington Police is investigating the incident.' A spokesperson later added: 'This was a senseless act and words cannot truly express our profound shock and sadness. 'Our immediate and only concern is for the wellbeing of the family and the child, as well as for any individuals who may have witnessed the incident. 'We have counseling services available for anyone who may need assistance. We know that this is a concerning event for all of us. 'As the Bloomington Police Department continues to investigate how and why this isolated incident happened, we will provide our full cooperation.' From: Alexa Re:Light weight text editor Dear DearWebby I need a small, lightweight and cheap text editor. I don't want fancy formatting, just plain text. What have you got? Alexa Dear Alexa I use the Swiss NoteTab. Even though it has most of the fancy features of MS WORD, most NoteTab users just use the basic text editing, to produce texts, that are then used online. For example, my newsletters are written with Notetab since the mid 90's. It is fast and totally uncomplicated. I know it has dozens of features, that I don't need, but they stay out of the way. NoteTab has spell check and Thesaurus, and a clipboard for frequently used stuff like headers or signature blocks. The facilities are there, but stay out of your way unless you call them. As the name says, it has tabs. Nowadays even browsers have tabs. You can have a herd of documents in tabs, paste in between them, use them as clipboards, all without any hassle whatsoever. You can download it from http://notetab.com Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A father was reading his paper one day when his son came in and said, "Dad, will you take me to the zoo tomorrow?" His father said, "No. If they really want you, they will come and get you." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had drawn an old man driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he exclaimed, "doesn't it say in the BIBLE that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury? That's a Plymouth Fury just like grandpa has on blocks in front of his trailer!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Heavily Wrinkled Jeans For heavily wrinkled jeans, iron them on a damp towel. It will create steam on both sides and iron the jeans much faster. This also works well on thick cotton clothing, like sweatshirts. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A man answered his front door and found a little boy standing there holding a list. "Mister," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the man replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?" To which the little boy replied, "My babysitter's boyfriend." ___________________________________________________ The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Can a Stranger Tell if Two People are Married? -"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8 What Do You Think Your Mom and Dad Have in Common? -"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8 The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married? -"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!" Anita, age 9 How to Make a Marriage Work -"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a smashed up dumpster." Ricky, age 7 How Would the World Be Different if People Didn't Get Married? - "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8 - "You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now!" Roberta, age 7 ___________________________________________________ | Today April 14 in 1775 The first abolitionist society in U.S. was organized in Philadelphia with Ben Franklin as president. 1793 A royalist rebellion in Santo Domingo was crushed by French republican troops. 1828 The first edition of Noah Webster's dictionary was published under the name "American Dictionary of the English Language." 1860 The first Pony Express rider arrived in San Francisco with mail originating in St. Joseph, MO. 1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in Ford's Theater by John Wilkes Booth. He actually died early the next morning. 1889 The first international Conference of American States began in Washington, DC. 1894 First public showing of Thomas Edison's kinetoscope took place. 1902 James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store in Kemmerer, WY. It was called the Golden Rule Store. 1912 The Atlantic passenger liner Titanic, on its maiden voyage hit an iceberg and began to sink. 1,517 people lost their lives and more than 700 survived. 1918 The U.S. First Aero Squadron engaged in America's first aerial dogfight with enemy aircraft over Toul, France. 1931 King Alfonso XIII of Spain went into exile and the Spanish Republic was proclaimed. 1939 The John Steinbeck novel "The Grapes of Wrath" was first published. 1946 The civil war between Communists and nationalist resumed in China. 1953 Viet Minh invaded Laos with 40,00 troops. 1956 Ampex Corporation of Redwood City, CA, demonstrated the first commercial magnetic tape recorder for sound and picture. 1981 America's first space shuttle, Columbia, returned to Earth after a three-day test flight. The shuttle orbited the Earth 36 times during the mission. 1984 The Texas Board of Education began requiring that the state's public school textbooks describe the evolution of human beings as "theory rather than fact". 1986 U.S. President Reagan announced the U.S. air raid on military and terrorist related targets in Libya. 1987 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev proposed banning all missiles from Europe. 1988 Representatives from the U.S.S.R., Pakistan, Afghanistan and the U.S. signed an agreement that called for the withdrawal of Soviet forces from Afghanistan starting on May 15. The last Soviet troop left Afghanistan on February 15, 1989. 1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona Helmsley were indicted for income tax evasion. 1994 Two American F-15 warplanes inadvertently shot down two U.S. helicopters over northern Iraq. 26 people were killed including 15 Americans. 1998 The state of Virginia ignored the requests from the World Court and executed a Paraguayan for the murder of a U.S. woman. 1999 Pakistan test-fired a ballistic missile that was capable of carrying a nuclear warhead and reaching its rival neighbor India. 2002 U.S. President George W. Bush sent a letter of congratulations to JCPenny's associates for being in business for 100 years. James Cash (J.C.) Penney had opened his first retail store on April 14, 1902. 2002 Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returned to office two days after being arrested by his country's military. 2008 Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines announced they were combining. 2019 Do smiled. |
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