Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, June 6 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida teacher got caught having sex with student in the back seat of her car. Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 6 in 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and British troops were involved. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner With ogling, the fine line between a complimenting, appreciative glance and an obnoxious stare is not measured in seconds, but depends on the mood of the ogled person. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Another reader wrote to talk about her trip to the dentist. She had her youngest daughter, 3 year old Paige, sitting in the waiting room with her while Paige's older sister was in with the dentist. Paige was keeping herself busy playing with the toys in the waiting room until she noticed her mom was resting -- her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched right up to her mother, looked her straight in the face, and shook her shoulder. "Mommy! Wake up! This is not CHURCH!" ______________________________________________________ Amazing what some people will do to be able to find their car in the mall parking lot ! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Saul Nunez, 19, Bronx, NY 19-Year-Old Arrested In Unprovoked Beating Of 90-Year-Old Man The suspect in Friday's brutal cane attack on a 90-year-old man in Inwood was arrested last night, the NYPD announced. According to police, 19-year-old Saul Nunez of the Bronx was taken into custody last night and charged with two counts of assault and one count of criminal possession of a weapon by a felon for allegedly striking a 90-year-old man in the head with a cane on Friday night. The 90-year-old man, identified as Juan Llorens, is a bottle collector known around the block where the attack happened according to CBS. Llorens told a reporter with the channel that the attack left him deaf in one ear, and that he had no idea who Nunez was before Nunez assaulted him. "Everyone knows him as like the grandfather," a witness told CBS. "If something happens, I'm not going to let this guy get attacked." The Post had further background on Llorens, who was a former history teacher in Cuba before emigrating to the United States, where he worked as a butcher in Harlem. Llorens also told the paper about the attack, telling a reporter They hit me with a big bat. I don't know who it was. He was young and skinny. He just kept beating me...I don't understand how someone can just attack someone like that. This is someone who is very dangerous." ABC7 had a pair of surveillance videos of the attack, one that showed a different angle of the assault and its aftermath as witnesses aided the victim and another that showed a bystander chase the suspect while another person on the sidewalk took a wild swing at the fleeing perp. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sunny Re: Date for web page Dear Webby How do I put a live date onto my web page? I don't want to use one of those silly clocks, just a simple display that shows date and time. Anything I can find on Google was written by guys, who have too much time on their hands and are too confusing for me, and most of them don't even work! You probably have a simpler and better answer. Thanks Sunny Dear Sunny Paste this where you want the date to show document.write(Date()+".") That produces: You will have to delete the period after the var d = new Date(); document.getElementById("demo2").innerHTML = d.toDateString(); Have FUN! DearWebby Late one Friday night after a big soccer game the policemen spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have. The team won, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these margaritas, which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later.." The man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he proudly held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a Breathalyzer test." The man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?" The cop replied: "I do believe ya, Paddy. But after ya fall flat on yer drunken mug, it's a lot easier to put the handcuffs on ya." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice By R Barbara [159 Posts, 80 Comments] Total Time: 1 hour Yield: approximately 8 cups Ingredients: 1 cup chopped ham 1 medium onion, chopped 1 cup sliced carrots 1 cup frozen peas 1 cup frozen green beans, cut into 1-2 inches pieces 10 mushrooms, sliced 3 eggs, scrambled 4 cups cooked rice, I used brown Basmati 2-3 Tbsp oil, I used sesame soy sauce Steps: Chop ham and onions. Slice carrots. Add 1+ tablespoons of oil to skillet and fry the meat and veggies until they are tender, crisp. Remove and set aside. Add rice to skillet and fry, add additional oil as needed. Scramble eggs and pour into skillet, cook and mix throughout rice. Add ham, carrots, and onions back to skillet. Add peas, beans, and mushrooms. Mix well. Add soy sauce to taste. Continue stirring until the veggies are hot and tender crisp. Serve. ____________________________________________________ | | military planes in action |
____________________________________________________ A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor. "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service." ___________________________________________________ | | People are awesome for the month of May 2017. |
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill. ____________________________________________________ | Today, on June 6, in 1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek, Ontario. 1882 The electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts, pay the Allies for what they had spent on going to Europe and defeating the Germans. 1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler. 1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into effect. It was a penny per gallon. 1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin, Germany. 1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign ships in U.S. ports. 1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray in Hartford, CT. 1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and British troops were involved. 1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO guerrillas out of Beirut. 1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known as the "Angel of Death." 1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. The vote authorized $38 million over two years. 1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban on the drug. 2017 Do smiled. |
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